Online dating and safety

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2013
Online dating and safety
6
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 12:05am

Online dating is the newest and fastest growing way to meet people. But when do you know if its safe? When can you tell if someone is telling you the truth? It's only your responsibility to ensure your safety. So what do you do about it, sure sites have tips but you still need to know how to stay safe. There are millions of people out there seeking something and not everyone has the best intentions. 

I would have loved to be able to post all the fakes, lairs and men than have alot more stuff or issues going on then you know but that's not possible. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 7:50pm

Crissy-

As others said, you want to meet the first time in a public place. Also, it's best to keep the meeting casual--just for coffee or a beer, etc--so if the meeting is a dud it's easier to cut out.

I personally don't think internet dating is more dangerous than other ways of meeting new people. Some people have well-connected friends and family who set them up with people they know well. However, if you aren't so fortunate, there is always the risk of meeting a dangerous psycho. This can happen just as well at a party, a nightclub, even in a place of worship. While there are a lot of bad matches and liars online, I think the risk of being raped and/or murdered is no higher from online dating than other ways.

You meanwhile can't come off as overly suspicious or defensive. As a man, I can tell you that is off-putting. I remember once talking by phone with a woman who wouldn't tell me such facts as where she grew up and where she went to college. After a few minutes, I ended contact with her. Her suspicion and caution made me suspicious of her!!!

Life isn't risk free, unfortunately. You just have to manage risk intelligently. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 12:38am

I don't know if I'd go that far--I remember once my aunt said something about aren't you worried about meeting someone on line?  But remember the old days before OLD?  We used to meet a guy in a bar & knew nothing about him and you couldn't check all this stuff out.  I wouldn't go to the other extreme & be paranoid either.  I don't do OLD much any more but I might meet people at a dance or a meetup--you don't know anything about them either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2013
Sat, 05-04-2013 - 8:59am
Here are some tips to see who is real First google first and last name, town Then while you google check all , you might find Facebook, LinkedIn, and all the social sites check the images section also. Check the school they said they attended especially high school. I know in New York you can check cases that are local or are traffic or misdemnors , check with your town They usually talk about family siblings , remember those details , they come up on a google search eventually I have had guys lie about their age, where they live, their divorce status When meeting them meet in public places, save a picture of them before going and email to friends and family that live in the area. Once there if you leave text family and friends When a man wants to move quickly in a relationship or even dating question that. I'm not saying wait years but the first 3 months are critical to your relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2013
Sat, 05-04-2013 - 8:52am

I was messaging a guy back and forth on match.com. We messaged each other for the day. That night he wanted to see pictures of Hawaii which he said he had never been to. By this point I knew his first name, age, town he lived in and the history about his past relationships. He also said he was in construction a family owned business. He gave be his personal email addresamstt that point before I emailed him pictures I googled him. You must google people before you meet them anywhere, this is not an option and I will tell you why. I googled his name which I had both first and last because his personal email was his last name and some numbers. When I googled him. He came up as having a DWI in October of 2012. A drug charge of herion a over dose call to his home, also another DWI with more drug charges , I found his family business he wasn't lying about that. I found his bridal registry because he said he was he was engaged in 2011. He didn't lie about anything but the issues and problems he has was not something I was even going to amuse. No way! He ended up messaging me again, I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore and that he wasn't my type. But he kept asking why. so I told him and that was the end. You just never know , especially if you have a child you need to be carefull google them you need first and last name and the town they live in . 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 10:18pm

After doing OLD for a while I got really good at spotting the fakes, mainly because the first guy who showed a lot of interest in me turned out to be a scammer.  I guess I didn't think much about it because the last time I had done OLD, which was about 10 yrs earlier, I met a bunch of men and they were all above board.  I should have figured something was up because he said that he was leaving the country on business so one night my son was at his dad's and I suggested that we should meet up and he said no, why rush things?  Well duh! Then he supposedly was gone and everything was very vague about when he'd be back.  He left after Thanksgiving so I'm thinking that he shouldn't be gone that long because it was Christmas soon & supposedly he had kids, then it was all very indefinite about when he was coming home--then was the kicker--he "lost" his credit cards, his bank account was tied up do to past identity theft and he asked me for money!  That was very disappointing.  Similarly, a guy contacted a friend and said he was in the military and was very into her but then he was supposed to come home and then never did--same kind of thing.

So I think you can get around a lot of that by trying to arrange a meeting very soon after the initial contact.  And as far as physical safety, of course meet in a public place and take your own car and probably in the day time would be better.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 5:34pm

Crissy30ish wrote:
<p>Online dating is the newest and fastest growing way to meet people. But when do you know if its safe? When can you tell if someone is telling you the truth? It's only your responsibility to ensure your safety. So what do you do about it, sure sites have tips but you still need to know how to stay safe. There are millions of people out there seeking something and not everyone has the best intentions. </p><p>I would have loved to be able to post all the fakes, lairs and men than have alot more stuff or issues going on then you know but that's not possible. </p>

You don't know, so that is why you never do anything or agree to meet anywhere where you will be isolated. 

What I find, especially on the site I"m on (perfectmatch) that the guys all want to get my email and cell number right off the bat and I'm not into that. I block them immediately if they ask to communicate off site right from the start.

They usually say "I' dont get on this site that much..."  and I"m like "you're on the freakin' internet, not driving 150 miles to a rendezvous point.  Make it a point to get on this site because this is where you'll find me for the time being."

I also busted a liar on that site.  One profile with his picture said he was a widower living in Southern California and another profile with the same picture said he was divorced and living in a 'burb of London, England.  Who knows what kind of a scam he was trying to run.