online dating has it's pitfalls!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
online dating has it's pitfalls!
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 9:48pm
Online dating is not much different then then going in and pulling the lever on the slot machine in Atlantic City! Never know when your going to get a winner.

You go on line, pick them out, check the list. Yes! they have everything your looking for! Talk on the phone, humm they sound great. Then for the big meeting ... the DATE. And it's a thumbs down once again. So many lie about thmeselves, the job, the weight, the age ect... And then's there is that little thing called "chemistry" something your computer will not tell you or any profile!

Not too long ago, we seeked to meet new people by making eye contact, talking first. As for making a real connection with online dating, I have been doing it for one year now with not much success. I have met many nice guys and some wackos. But no one that was right for me. I have asked many on this subject and found it to be the majority.

How about you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 8:58am
Well, then I guess I must be the jackpot-winner.

I met my guy online this February, our first in person-meeting was in May (I am in Germany and he is in Canada so it was not possible earlier), I visited him at his place then in July and he just left me yesterday after a week here in Cologne. I will move over in about three weeks for a kind of reality test until the end of the year and as the icing of the cake we just got engaged last week.

That would not have been possible without online-dating-services because we would never have met on a regular way.

Of course I have met other guys before I finally found Rob, so you cannot expect immediate success when having the profile online. Maybe you want to check out different services or just give it a break for a while. In my eyes online dating is not much different from the real life. There are many, many frogs outside but also a few princes and these have to be found. For me as a not that outgoing type of person this was the right way and gave me the chance to broaden my horizon but for others it can be different.

Wish you luck,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 12:18pm

I agree with Nicole. This is not something that will happen over night or maybe not even a year or two. It is somewhat like in person. You can go to the club every weekend and meet different guys and one may seem ok for a little bit but he bums out and then another and another. Just in person you can have the physical attraction that can distort other things.

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 12:43pm
Congratulations, Nicole!! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 9:41pm
I agree that sometimes it feels like a needle in a haystack which is why I spend minimal time before the coffee date on the phone or email - I do enough to make sure he's safe enough to meet and that we click enough to meet for an hour - and that's it - it is not like pulling a slot machine because at least there is some screening - and I get set up a lot - similar odds - so it is just another way. For example, I spent ten minutes on the phone the other night - two calls - and screened out two guys - the first one - first comment was about wanting to smash a kid who was misbehaving in temple and from some kind of instinct I asked him about his marriage and family goals - and learned that he was ambivalent - next - the second one - something about his tone was very negative even though we were joking around - likely a "next" too. I have several friends who have met their fiancee/husband/wife this way - also for me since I live in a very Jewish community and only date jewish men and Jews are very prevalent on these sites, there is a decent chance that we know people in common which makes it less like a date with a total stranger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 5:09pm
I think it's a numbers game, and not that different from meeting in real life. I totally agree with Deena- don't waste time talking a lot on the phone or e-mailing- just see if he seems normal, meet for coffee, and then go from there.

I am probably a bad example, although I did meet my fiance online. I only dated 2 guys from online before I met him, and he was it.

However, I meet regularly with a group of about 20-25 women, all of whom online date regularly. Six of them (myself included) have become engaged in the last year. So I have seen it work.

If you are not meeting quality men on the particular site you are on, switch!


Avatar for jayecey
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 11:34pm
Lol I never quite thought of it as pulling a slot lever, I must have been lucky because I always met pretty decent guys up until I met one exceptional man (my husband) :)

The thing I really liked about online dating was that I had an opportunity to meet and connect with tons more guys than I ever would have had I used more conventional methods. The pickings were slim at the grocery store lol, seriously though, with todays busy work schedules and family, not everyone can go hang out on a regular basis at clubs, bars, gym or wherever else people meet these days, in the hopes that they'll connect with someone.

Profiles rarely give much information, I would look for those that sound interesting and different from the others, not just look good on paper.

Most of us here at cyberconnections would probably be in the majority here of having positive experiences, that's not to say that everyone has made a connection, but the experiences in themselves all have some sort of positive reward even if it's limited to personal growth.

Good luck in your search!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 1:43pm
Thank you all for your suggestions! However I do think a few of you in the age 25 age group will find there are much more possibilities for you then my age group of 46.

My age group has less in it(more already married), many do not take care of themselves and lots have scars and baggage too!

I have tried a total of 5 different sites and found it's the same thing different day (as the saying goes)

As for "phone screens" I do that for a living (I'm a HR recruiter) so trust me I have weeded out quite a few before meeting by the call alone! But what I'm saying is that it still comes down to "chemistry" in the end. As in hiring the correct candidate for the job, you have to meet them 1st before giving them the job. And so many look great on paper. In this method of dating, I have met many nice guys(and some wacko's too)!

I have found no problem in meeting men that are attracted to me, it's me that is not attracted to them. At this point I have come to the conclusion that at this point in my life, there is a reason for not meeting the right person. So I will take a break from it for a while and try some other methods (but not the bars!) of meeting new people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 4:53pm
I don't think that online dating is for everyone, but I can tell you that it worked for me! Sure, I dated 3 men online before finding Mr. Right in #4, but the reality is, I found him!

Ironically, he contacted me a day before I decided maybe I should try something new. I have learned that love finds you when you least expect it!

When it comes to online dating, you must be optomistic. Don't listen to what others tell you. In my experience it is better because you can really get to know someone through emails and phone conversations. You get a sense of who they really are before you meet face to face. That meeting means so much more when you know the person that you are meeting. On a blind date, all you know is what you see, and as we all know, looks can many times be deceiving!

I am convinced I never would have met this man any other way than via the internet. We are planning on getting married this June!

My advice is to not give up!