Online dating may not be ideal, but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Online dating may not be ideal, but...
10
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 10:21pm

here's an example of what you might find at the bar:

Nice enough looking guy, introduces self, likes to golf, likes the music, thinks I'm hot, want's to dance, had a blowout with the wife only 3 weeks prior!, already at the bar looking for a woman, currently living with parents, when I suggest at 3 weeks out of a 17 year marriage there's a possibility he may get back together with his wife he readily admits it, say's his (4) kids are all pissed at him, says he blew it by communicating online with a woman (though nothing came of it), which I told him yeah, I'd be pissed too!, and he agreed.

I said 'look, you have a looong way to go before you're even ready to date. Again he agreed. And still insisted I take his phone no., in case I want to go golfing sometime. LOL No, thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 11:43am

But there are plenty of guys on line who start up their profiles the minute they leave the house (or before!) I 'met' a guy, agreed to meet, it was fun, then we went out on a second date where he confessed he'd only been out of the house for THREE WEEKS. The anger at his ex was palpable! And in his state (we live on the borders), he couldn't even legally get divorced until he had been separated for a year!

I respectfully declined a third date!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 12:09pm
Yes, I know my mom & elderly aunt are horrified by the idea of OLD, thinking you'll meet all kinds of wacky people. However, when I was in my 20's & single and there was no OLD, a lot of times people met in bars--I dated a guy for 1.5 yrs that I met in a bar. Now all you basically have to go on is looks and maybe you talk for a while. As you get older, too, you have more requirements, like whether you have kids, whether you want a guy w/ kids, etc. so at least w/ OLD, you can immediately weed out people who don't meet those specific requirements & save a lot of time. So I don't see why it's any worse to do OLD than to give your phone no. to a perfect stranger that you met in a bar.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 12:55pm
Oh my! I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to go golfing with him. lol

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 12:39pm

IMHO unless you are extremely lucky (like, winning the lottery lucky), finding

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 11:13am
I agree that you have to make a certain amt. of compromise. My best friend is divorced so she asked her brother if he didn't know any single/divorced guys he could introduce her too and his response was "there is a reason these guys are divorced." I also have a cousin who is a 40 yr old widow. She hasn't really dated since her DH died a few years ago, but someone she knew wanted to fix her up w/ this divorced guy. My aunt was telling me this and my cousin wanted to know if he had received an annulment, since we are Catholic (however, her sister married a divorced guy by a Protestant minister). Even her mom was like "don't be so picky."
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 12:16pm
Agree. I don't buy the 'I deserve the best' line especially when used by 40-something women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 8:37pm

It's not as much about him living with his parents and/or having baggage (everyone does), as the fact that he had a fight with his wife of 17 years three weeks ago and is already looking to connect with someone else?!??!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 5:21am

'...He hasn't even had a chance to be single, much less decide if he's even going to get divorced!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 2:06pm
2 of my most serious relationships were with guys I met at bars. I don't think our relationships not working out had a thing to do with where I met them. I met my new boyfriend at a bar. It is still very new - we have only been together a couple of months (just starting to call one another boyfriend/girlfriend). We were both drunk when we met. He asked me to dance (well, he came up to me, took me by the hand, and led me to the dance floor, and I didn't argue because I thought he was cute). I did not go home with him; just hung out with him the rest of that night and did a little kissing and exchanged phone numbers. The odds were totally stacked against me! But, he texted me the very next morning on his way to work, we chatted via text all day long, went out on a date less than a week later, and we have kept in touch every day since then, and see each other a couple times a week. We have spent lots of time together (and plenty of it has been spent sober, so it's not like we just drink together) and are going on a camping trip together in a couple weeks. He is a GREAT guy. I feel lucky to have met him. Heck, any of the derelicts you can meet in a bar probably have internet access, too. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 3:49pm
In my years of online dating I have found that separated men are off limits and a bad idea. Since I am looking for a long term relationship and as you all have stated they are looking for some fun. Past the fun part now I want the love part.