Is Online Dating a Waste of Time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Is Online Dating a Waste of Time?
8
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 11:58am
I'm beginning to think it is. I've had terrible luck with match.com. I find myself wondering if the people that I wrote to even receive the messages. I sent maybe 25 emails and haven't gotten one response. I find that REALLY hard to believe AND my profile was new, updated and with a photo and says that it's been viewed zero times. How is that? So then I went over to matchmaker.com where I get people emailing me just to say nasty stuff...one person made a fake profile just to write to me and say "I know you. You dated my friend and he thinks you're a bitch." Nice. and finally....I'm on salon.com and the same goes there...barely any responses. I'm very attractive and have a witty profile so I don't get it. I've only been back in the dating scene for a month but I'm getting really discouraged. Does anyone else find this happening to them? Any pointers? Any better sites?
Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 12:08pm
Are you sure that your profile is turned on?? And if your a fairly new user, its possible that your profile hasn't been approved yet for people to view it. Give it some time, things don't happen overnight.

Lindsay

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 12:13pm
Yes, it is turned on and active...I thought of that and checked. I've been on match.com now for almost three weeks. That's what's discouraging. Have you had luck with it? Do people really get your emails? Is it just a bad time to be looking for men?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 12:22pm
Hey there! Welcome. Ya know, I find that there are alot more weirdos and losers to sift through out there, then we all realize. All the freaks try and put ads up in hopes to get some stupid woman to fall for their porno talk. Ya know, maybe there are some out there, but for more serious lookers, like yourself it doesnt give you much to look forward to. Give it some time. I would say alot of people look on the weekends mostly or at night. Dont give up, because there are so many nice people on these match.coms waiting to meet someone as serious as you. So, just hang in there, take it with a grain of salt, be patient and stay away from the freaks. lol Screen the men you meet carefully and have fun!!


Gail

:)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 1:12pm
No, it's not a waste of time. Off the top of my head, I can think of five or six married couples I know who met each other through match or another service. And I've had pretty good luck meeting men that I've dated for 3-6 months, even though none of them has yet turned out to be Mr. Right! I've also had good luck with Yahoo personals.

That said, match.com does have technical problems with their email system that I think they should disclose to customers but don't. Last summer, three times that I know of (and can prove), I either didn't get emails sent through the system or the other person didn't get the ones I sent. So now what I do is offer my yahoo email address in the first email I send. There's still no guarantee that those first emails even get through, but if they do, at least the other person has an option for responding that's outside the match.com system. Also, a lot of people aren't paying members, so they can't respond to you unless you give an alternative address, and of course there's no way of knowing who is and who isn't.

What I've been doing is using the "wink" feature before I email someone. If they wink back, then I know they've looked at my profile and are at least mildly interested.

I also think the "times viewed" feature doesn't always work...I also had zero views for weeks, when I *know* people had viewed me because they'd winked at and/or emailed me. I reset it and that seemed to fixed the problem. If it doesn't for you, I'd email customer service.

One last note: I know you *just* broke up with someone; are you sure you're ready for the rejection-filled world of online dating? It can be brutal if you're not emotionally ready for it. You might think about taking some more time before you jump back in. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something with the lack of responses ;-)...that it's not time for you to be dating yet!

Sheri


Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 1:15pm
I haven't met anyone off of it yet, but 2 men have contacted me. I'm not a paying member, so I can't email people, but I've been a member for aboue 3 or 4 weeks and my profile has been viewed about 30 times I think. I'm not sure why your not having success, but good luck!

Lindsay

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 1:37pm
I have to agree. I have heard some success stories from Match.com. That being said, I have to admit though I tried it, I only lasted a week as a paid memeber. At first I wasn't getting any responses at all... then I was getting responses from people who I wouldn't consider my type and finally ended up feeling like it was just going to make me feel worse - not having people write me back and not being written to by the people you want writing. Then literally as I was taking my profile off Match.com I got an instant message from a guy who I said what the heck.. and talked to him. He it turns out was about to get out of the Match.com business too. After that he tired messaging me and I kinda tried to ignore him and didn't remember him for the first few times... but he was persistant. We've been dating about 2 months now. One of the things that I asked him when I met him was why he getting off match.com he said "Mean people suck". He's right. That sums up lots of the experiences that you'll have from it, mean people who will like you and meet you and not like you or not like you from the start. But you know if you're ready for the rejections and willing to keep your head up and go though it till you meet someone, eventually it pays off.. There's just some really humbling experiences along the way =)


Edited 7/14/2003 2:01:34 PM ET by nikkii24
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 8:03pm
Hi -

I've been on match.com for about a month now. The first 3 weeks it said I only had 16 views, but that was garbage since I had a few people wink at me well after it stuck at 16. I zeroed it out a week ago and have had 475 views since then. I also signed up as a paid member with the 7 day free trial (and cancelled it before I had to pay) and was able to email people that had winked me (finally). I now have had one date (with a 2nd one planned) and another date with another guy too (he asked me out first so even though I really like the guy I already had a date with, I'm still gonna give the first guy a chance).

So one month, goodness knows how many people viewed me, a few promising winks, and 2 dates. I think that's not too bad. Just stick with it. And also make sure your profile doesn't have anything in it that might be scaring guys off!

Good luck!

Gabi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 2:45am
Hi, welcome to our board!

Is online dating a waste of time? My answer is yes and no. Yes, online dating for me is a waste of time only if you're spending it with some crazy, sick and nonsense people. If you think he is not worth your time then I don’t think you have any other reason being with him. And no it’s not, b/c it is in this medium that you can meet lots of different people online whether it be someone looking for a serious relationship or someone who only wanted to fool/play around. It’s only up to you to spot the rot.

And to you, maybe there are some technical problems with the site that is why you got no responses. Don’t be discouraged and don’t hurry yourself in finding a date, soon you will meet someone who is ‘born’ for you if you are just willing to wait.

And remember this “ The longer the wait, the better the person is”. Good luck and have fun!

~~jen :) :)