Online feelings.. real?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Online feelings.. real?
4
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 11:50am

Hello, I'm kind of new here, I've been on past boards on ivllage but not this one yet!

My name is Mindy, I am 21 years old, living in California going to school for zoology!

I'm not new to the whole online community, I've met a few friends online that turned into IRL friends, but nothing ever more than friends. However.. recently I have met someone online that I feel more of a connection with, and will be meeting him in March of 2007... I just wanted some input on all of it because it's new to me.. I don't know what to think about it or what my parents or friends would think about it if I fell in love with a guy and when they asked how we first met I'd say.. online.....

Sorry if this is a bit long.

I played world of warcraft... and met guy on there about half a year ago and we started talking a LOT over the past 3 months, because we were both helping eachother out on break ups we were going through with our ex's. Our relationships with our ex's was similar because we both had the problem of not being treated right at all, so it was very nice to have someone there to talk and vent to about it when he could also relate to it and vice versa.

We talk on the phone every day, the first month we talked on the phone there weren't really any "feelings" there for eachother, we mostly just talked about the problems we were having and how it was difficult to let go of someone you've been with for so long. Then after about a month we started talking to eachother about how we kind of liked each other... and from there it lead onto me having VERY strong feelings for him.

It's really weird.. I feel like he is the perfect guy for me, I can list off anything I look for in a guy and he has it, and what's even more weird is that he feels the exact same way. .. anyway... we both like each other very much. But is it real? I almost want to say I am falling for him... but how can you fall for someone you haven't even met? I just got out of a 5 year long relationship and so did he, so I am wondering if the strong feelings we have for each other are because of our past relationships?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 12:00pm
While I don't think that your projection of feelings necessarily has anything to do with your past relationship or the failure and then discussion between the two of you about them, I do not think that feelings for someone that you have never met in person are REALLY real until you meet in person. I think that you can develop a connection and all, but you really don't know if you will have chemistry in real life until you meet in real life! Back when I started online dating, I would talk forever to guys and think that we had this great connection and chemistry and then we'd meet in person and there was nothing there. So if you can meet this guy in person, do it ASAP to keep you from getting unrealistic expectations - you are right now falling for a fantasy - the person he is online - not the person he really is. It's not to say that it WON'T translate when you meet in real life, but just that you need to keep your feelings in check until you meet and see if they do.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 2:24pm

Well luv, anything is possible call it Kismet, Serendipity, Karma or Fate...but don't discount the feeling that you are having - I would think that at this point it would not be a 'transferrance' of feelings from one situation(your old relationship) to anything conveniently available... Just take your time...baby steps as they say...go with your gut feeling...be honest about your feelings with him and yourself and dont sell yourself short - this is all very real.

Good luck!
Cheers
Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 3:27pm
I disagree. While there are situations where you feel a connection to a person online and then you meet in person and everything works out great, that is more the exception than the rule. Most people talk to dozens of people online and meet many before they find a connection. An ONLINE connection is not a real-life connection. I know you seem to be one of those rare exceptions, but you ARE an exception. Don't build up someone else so much because of your rare experience - it's great you found a connection to a guy online that you haven't met, but I strongly caution everyone against thinking they have found "love" with someone they've never met.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 8:49pm
thank you for all of your advice, it's what I needed to hear. Even though I may FEEL like I could be falling for him.. I won't let myself go any further than feeling it.. I'm not going to say or jump to any conclustions on how I really feel about him until I do meet him, because you guys are right, and online connection is a lot different than a real life one. Thank you all for you help! =) I'm meeting him in about 3 months, so we'll see how it goes.