Online Games--tired of them
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| Fri, 08-04-2006 - 2:59am |
I'm sick of online dating...it seems to me that the vast majority of men are looking for fun or just a bedmate. They're even more difficult to understand than men you meet at clubs! At least men in clubs YOU KNOW they probably want one thing and they're bold about it--men you meet online, you don't know what to think!!! You read one thing on their profile, they send you e-mails saying another, they seem sincere on the phone, but then they play all these games...yes I'm interested...no I'm not...I'm not looking for anything serious...yes, I am. Good God, make up your mind! At least men in clubs are direct. These online bozos aren't even good 'players'..and it's not a particular type...men of all backgrounds, all ages, all races. It seems as if they don't treat you as a real person because you're a username on a screen...or you're just part of some 'online catalogue' that's replacable. Why be nice to YOU when they can click back online and get another girl? I seriously feel a total lack of sincere interest from these men. And the cheapskates you meet online...I've lost count of men who invite me for dinner or a coffee and once they meet you face to face, they all of a sudden don't feel like eating or they decide not to drink anything. Okay, maybe I'm not your type, but is a $2 cup of coffee going to hurt you? There are A LOT of tightwads on the net. Big fat TURN-OFF. And this game of who pays what, who calls who--Lord, what a mind game. In the old days you ask a woman out and the man pays. In the cyber world, men don't want to invest too much money on any one woman because they're meeting so many online. And then we women are picking up the slack because we want to be fair. Screw fair! How about a man being a man for once?
When you meet men at clubs or different venues, they initially see you (that's the benefit) and if they pursue you it's because they like what they see. Online men don't even treat you as a real person--you're just a voice on the phone, an e-mail, a picture on a screen. That's the vibe I get off a lot of these guys. I mean unless they meet you and really like you, then 'maybe' they give you some respect, but other than that it's just a game...NEXT! NEXT! NEXT! It's disgusting and I don't like this method of meeting people. It's so impersonal and cold. People want instant chemistry--come on, brother...realistically speaking don't you think it's worthwhile to get to know someone and NOT expect lightening bolts 5 minutes after meeting someone? You get eliminated because you don't give this guy chemistry the minute you walk in the door? People have such unrealistic expectations--especially men, because they're so visual.
I'm beginning to think these men are online because they can't even cut it in the real world of dating. That's my impression. I'm sorry, but so far, I really think that men you meet online are BIGGER losers than the men you meet in clubs. At least those men have the confidence to make their move in person. These guys are weak--they hide behind phonecalls, e-mails, promises of potential meetings, potential 'future' meetings or subsequent dates. In other words, I think it's a lot easier for men online to give you the blow-off because the relationships are so fleeting.
I've met numerous men during my online experience and IMO I haven't met one worth a damn. For example, this one guy has been calling me for about a month now, every 3 or 4 days. I think oh well, maybe I'm not his type, then he calls, we gave a great conversation...but he never sets a date to meet. What does he want, a phone buddy? I'm beginning to wonder if he's married or has a girlfriend on the side.I'm beginning to think a lot of the men on these websites are married--internet dating is fertile ground for men who want to cheat. They know there are tons of women to choose from who are looking for a 'man'...God, that sounds terrible.
I'm soooo sick of this. Why the hell am I subjecting myself to all this crap? Looking for a man to make me 'happy'? I mean I'm happy as I am, but of course, I want a relationship, but is all this worth it? Or maybe this is just the thinking of a woman who's given up all hope.
I'm sorry, I'm ranting...I'm just so fed up.
Edited 8/4/2006 5:05 am ET by amerissa

Although I don't do "clubs", I have to agree with almost everything in your post. I have said many times on this board before that men online treat women as dispensable as candy because there will always be another "flavor" online if they look. I, too, have been very disappointed (understatement) that the men I have met online either had issues in their lives that prevented them from being emotionally available to date or some men who had jobs that made it next to impossible to date or a combination of both.
I also met a couple who I also thought were a bit cheap in that we met but no real dinner date. One guy I was glad it turned out that way because I would not have wanted to have gone out with him after meeting him in person. Talk about a skudball. :0 Anyhow, I think most of us on the board have been where you are, and actually I'm still in that frame of mind. I have not been active on any dating site for quite a while now and have no desire to do it again - at least not for a while.
I gave my time and emotions to a guy I cared a lot about. I did meet him online. We dated for 3 1/2 months and that was a long time for me to date any one guy. He was sweet, caring, and my family loved him. However, after we started dating, he got entangled in a nasty custody battle with his ex-wife. He then makes some really foolish decisions regarding the custody stuff. Long story short, we are not together right now. I still care about him and hope that things will change and that we might be together again at some point. But, after being burned so many times (just like you) I'm not counting on anything at this point.
Even with all this said, I do think it's possible to meet someone online and it turn into something great. If the e-harmony ads are true, then SOME people are meeting, dating and eventually marrying. However, for some of us, it isn't that easy. Also, e-harmony doesn't advertise how many relationships who met on their site end in failure. I think commercials and the media have built the online dating up so much that we have these high expectations that don't pan out for a majority of people. If it was not like that, we wouldn't have this forum to talk about it. So, hang in there. Be willing to meet people. Don't give up even if you want to take a break from it all. There are others out there who feel exactly the same as you.