Online Spying!??!
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| Thu, 12-08-2005 - 9:54am |
Hi all,
I'm just wondering if it is ok to spy on somebody? Well, it's not really spying, but I've been dating this guy I met through match for like 2 months. We havent had the "exclusive"-talk yet, but we do see each other once - twice a week for dinner, movies, etc. A couple of days ago, I checked out his profile again, and saw that he is still active ("Activity within 24 hours") with his profile. I know, I shouldnt judge him, coz we're not exclusive and I still email some guys on match, too. But lately, I caught myself checking out his profile just to see if he is still active. Does anyone do it, too? Is it ok? Or even better: how can I stop that? Coz I dont think, it does any good to me when I continue doing that. I do want us to be exclusive and want to have "The Talk" soon, but somehow his activity on match prevents me from initiating that conversation with him. :(
td

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Since you haven't agreed to be exclusive with this man he can spend every waking moment on match if he wants. Afterall, if you are still emailing he can too.
If you want the situation to change then you better have an honest discussion with this man. His match activity will need to cease....and so will yours.
>but somehow his activity on match prevents
>me from initiating that conversation with him
If he looked at your profile wouldn't he see that you have been active in the last 24hrs too? Maybe you should try and set a precedent before you bring up the topic of online activity. Stop logging on for the next 2 weeks before you talk to him about it. At least that way you can avoid being accused of hypocrisy.
I think the deeper issue of not wanting to have the talk with him is that he may not want exclusivity and that's not want you want to hear. Checking out his activity is a way of seeing if he will just BE exclusive without you having to request it and possibly having the idea rejected.
I know that it's an uncomfortable conversation to have for some people because it can go either way and may actually be the end to a budding relationship for some.
If you want and need an exclusive relationship at this point then you should be forthcoming with that regardless of what you think the reply will be. The thing is that if you don't get the answer you want then you have to decide if the status of what you do have is going to be satisfying for you or if you're settling for this guy just to be with someone on their terms.
Since you're both still active on Match and still emailing with other prospects I think it's extremely important for you to really ascertain where you want this relationship to go for you, before you have this talk. I mean it's entirely possible that he's checking into Match to see your activity level and is having the same thoughts and not expressing them. Communicate and figure out if you're both on the same path.
Solazzo
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