Opinions please!
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Opinions please!
| Thu, 04-12-2007 - 10:31pm |
I'm not quite sure what to think about this because this honestly has never happened to me. I had one date with this guy back in December. We had a nice dinner at a very nice restaurant with a nice bottle of wine. Conversation was great. I thought he had a good time too and said we should do it again sometime and that he would call me. Well, he never called. Over the last couple of days I noticed he had been viewing my profile through yahoo personals. Just for the heck of it, I decided to glance at his again to see if he would notice. Well, tonight I get an e-mail from him apologizing for losing touch. He said things had been really busy for him(which is probably true because he was a lawyer, but was trying to leave that practice to start another company). He also said he would love to see me again. How many of you would give him a second chance?

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Hey there!
Your situation reminds me of one of the tenets of "He's Just Not That Into You"...where Greg Berendt says that most of the world would classify themselves as 'busy', and if someone's truly interested in getting to know you, they wouldn't lose touch...especially not for four months!
Not to make you feel bad...but, I'd proceed cautiously. There's no inherent harm in contacting him; however, I just wouldn't get my hopes up, not that you said you are. Nine times out of ten, he probably saw several other women around the same time he saw you back in December...maybe he tried to start a relationship with one of them and it ended recently. He viewed your profile again, and there you have it....Honestly, there's nothing wrong with that...it's the way of OLD, actually...though I do think that he could've called you, though. Did you ever try to contact him after the date?
Do whatever makes you happy. You never know what could happen this time. Just be casual about it, so as not to set yourself up for disappointment.
Mali
I can see myself like that as well. Life happens but I'm interested in a woman. When I get a "pause" then I like to restart that special connection. Sometimes I am on the other side of that equation where I am all hyped and ready to get into a relationship but for the woman she is busy with her day-to-day stuff and doesn't make starting a new relationship a priority.
Mark
I think many people would give him a second chance. I also think he wasn't that into you the first time around and therefore giving him another chance is a sketchy idea at best.
Buuuut... it seems you are determined to do so. :) And like Mark said, it *can* happen for legit reasons at times. This is an area where I think Greg Behrendt might have been a little bit off base.
Greg's point in the book is that if a guy is REALLY "that into you", it doesn't matter how busy he is; he's going to find a way/time to make another date with you. It might be a week or two in the future, but he's going to make it happen, and he's going to be calling you and so forth.
Well, in the real world, people really do get busy. And sometimes that second time around does work out.
So. Go out again, don't be hyper-critical (which is a recipie for disaster), but do figure that he'll show you pretty quick whether he's into you or not. And also watch out for signs that he's really not that into you, but figure you'll do for now until he finds someone he's truly after. (I hate saying that but let's face it, lots of us guys will act that way sometimes.)
Telling someone "Hey, I'm sorry but lately things have been crazy and I can't really do the dating thing right now" isn't too difficult. Just me, but I likely wouldn't explore that again.
"Your situation reminds me of one of the tenets of "He's Just Not That Into You"...where Greg Berendt says that most of the world would classify themselves as 'busy', and if someone's truly interested in getting to know you, they wouldn't lose touch...especially not for four months!"
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That's true, but.... but this is one spot where I think Behrendt oversimplified a tad bit. (Hey, I love the book, but it can't be 100% right 100% of the time.)
What if the guy was seeing another woman right at the time of the first encounter, and they were on the verge of "getting exclusive" and she popped "the talk" on him right then? He's kind of stuck.
It's a problem with seeing more than one person at a time. If you're into more than one of them, and one says "I want to try dating exclusively" and you say "okay", well, now you've got to quit seeing the other person (or people).
So fast forward a few months. Now the exclusive thing ends. What do you do?
If you told the other gal "look, here's the deal, I'm dating someone else and she wants to be exclusive" the odds are she's not going to be interested when you come knocking the second time.
(And who can blame her? Feeling like second-best stinks.)
So if you didn't say something like that, and you come back around... well, it's entirely possible that you WERE into someone that much, that you wanted to see them again, but that someone else had "first dibs" and you wanted to give it a fair shot?
Anyway, my point is that there might well be circumstances that prevent a guy from chasing right after someone immediately. Unlikely, but it could happen. That's why I say unless they plainly burned a gal before (making another date and then never showing or something like that) a guy should get a second, skeptical chance. ;)
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