OT: Help pls with friend In Rs
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| Sat, 03-05-2005 - 5:50pm |
I need input from you all. I really value the opinions on here. So I'll try to make this short. My best friend from college (we've known eahc other for 7 years now) , well we're fighting for the FIRST time in seven years. Sure we've had disagreements, but we've never had a fight. There were many times any other friends I'd fight with over stuff that I didnt' with K. Our friendship has withstood alot the last 7 years which is why this is bothering me.
We're fighting bc she had been acting flakey with me. I called her on it. Then she goes into blaming me that I don't support her RS. In detail, i can't tell you anything about my rs because you'll make me feel guilty for finding a great guy. For the record, I have asked her explictly to talk to me about him - she never did or does. She said SHE felt guilty for rubbing it in my face. I told her not to, Id love to hear how great her RS is going.
Anyhow, so it was SO weird she turned aorund everything to ME. and blaming me for being this bitter single person. UNTRUE. If anyoen knows me, I"m pretty OK being single. Of course I whine - bt who doesnt. Ppl in RS whine about being in a RS...
what do i do? Obviously she is insecure about her rs with her boyfriend. but shes turned it around so much that bc I"m single, im bitter and she can't talk to me anymore. why else would she be throwing her rs at me if there weren't something missing. why i think shes insecure about it. Plus hes only 23, she is 27. And hes reallky not mature in the boy dept, so he is def 23 going on 23. I want to fix it, what do you guys think? i hate fighting over a guy, its stupid and petty. And the ironic thing is that I like the guy. I've alway sbeen supportive of her and her decisions...?

That's really a tough one sg. I think you are probably right that she is insecure in her relationship. It's also possible that she is not all that happy and is taking it out on you. Is there a chance that this guy could be saying anything to her against you - like for instance that he doesn't like you two hanging out because you are the fun single girl? Totally guessing on these things, but they are possible.
I think the best thing you can do is just continue to be there for her and let her know that she always has your support and friendship. Tell her that she can come to you at any time and tell you about anything. Tell her that you never want a guy to come between the two of you because you value the friendship so much. Then just be there and help pick up the pieces when this relationship falls apart (at it probably will) and never say you told her so. Good luck!
thanks vexer. actually her bf and me get along great! we live about 10 hours apart- shes in San Diego I'm in SF. So we visit eachother twice a year. And everytime Im down there, we chat (her bf and me). I do like him. And I stay out of their relationship. So he doesn't seem possesive and I know she goes out w/ her girlfriends down there to have a girl's night.
I will continue to be there for her, but she said some really assuming/mean things to me. They were so untrue and go against everything I stand for. Like i'm this selfish/bitter/fairweather friend. Sounded so unlike her.
oh well, she sitll isn't talking to me. I am mad her for what she said,but there is obviouslly issues that she feels with me that we need to talk about.
That's good that you get along with him and that he seems to be a good guy.
Probably you two just need some time to cool down for a while. Take a few days and then give her a call and just let her know that you care about her too much to let the freindship go away. It sounds like you've told her that her assumptions are wrong and all but tell her again and that she can always count on you. Hope it works out!