Ouch!....are these men kidding me?!?!?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
Ouch!....are these men kidding me?!?!?!?
20
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 8:51am

I was on this board a little over a week ago - "Why isn't anyone answering my e-mails?" or something like that. Since then I have taken the advice from Sheri and others posters. I changed my opening...played with the pictures a bit - personally....I really do just want to date right now....the boyfriend thing seems a bit far away.....I want to play the field...see what's out there....

So I have sent out 26 emails to my "matches" since April 11th. My responses? Four "Thanks, but I've met someone else and want to see what develops,"......a whole bunch of NOTHING (no responses) from others.....and two men actually said they weren't physically attracted to me. HELLO....do you see YOUR pictures?!?!?! I would have been a good catch for these two men! I may be full-figured, but I am good looking.....for the right occasion - I am HOT.....and these men...(ok...they are no winners...but I have totally only e-mailed men that are in my league...it's not like I'm making contact with Brad Pitt.....).....I needed to vent about this.

FYI lovesblueflowers on match.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 10:28am

Wow, I'm glad I'm not on match anymore!

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 11:38am

I still say just send out winks.


If you've sent 26 emails, you're either sending a form letter (bad idea) or popping off generic but semi-personal emails (better but still not good) or you're spending way too much time composing 26 personalized emails instead of having a life!!


If you wink, they know you're interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 1:11pm

One thing to keep in mind is while you need to be confident and be secure in yourself and your appearance (and yes, you are gorgeous!), just know that because someone says they are not attracted to you is not a reflection against you OR them (believe it or not). Every one has their preferences for the type of person they are attracted to. Many men love full-figured women but many others only want a Skinny-Minnie. A lot are somewhere inbetween. Some like brown hair, some blondes, some tall, some short, on and on. It works the same with women - we have things we are attracted to and other things that don't do it for us. It doesn't make anyone a bad person or shallow - just not the one for us.

Personally, I think your profile is great. You have several examples of what you like to do and sound fun and enthusiastic. I know it is frustrating but you just have to keep trying and someone will come around. Stacey is so right in that everyone has problems. I am what you might consider a "Skinny-Minnie" and I have been doing OLD on and off for a couple of years without a lot of luck. I have met several men over the years, but no connection with anyone. I went through a period where I got absolutely NO emails or winks at all! I changed up my profile and pictures and started getting a better response rate. Even so, I rarely send out emails and send out only occasional winks - I am a bit old fashioned and kind of prefer them to come to me. When I do send out winks, I get mostly no response or get thanks but no thanks responses. But it goes through waves - I have recently gotten a few communications from guys that seem nice, attractive and fun! As trite as it sounds, just hang with it, be patient and keep sending out winks and tweaking your profile from time to time. I'll be honest and say that it may or may NOT happen. OLD does NOT work for everyone no matter what anyone says. It gives you a good chance to get out, meet some new people and hopefully meet someone to date and hopefully have a relationship with. Good luck!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 1:28pm

I agree with the suggestion to send out winks rather than emails to men whose profiles you're interested in.

And while I think it's obnoxious to send a response saying that you're not physically attracted to someone, the fact is, you have no idea WHY they are not physically attracted to you! It could be that they don't like blondes! Don't *assume* it's your weight...just brush it off and move on. Besides, would you really want to DATE someone who was so obnoxious as to send that kind of response??? Of course not! So don't let it bother you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 1:33pm

Good post Vexer - so very true. We just don't appeal to everyone and not everyone appeals to us! That's how life is. I think that once we realize this, life is easier and we don't take things so personally with OLD.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 2:49pm
I'd change your lead picture to the one where you are wearing the red jacket - it's a great picture of you, and red is eye-catching. The current lead pic is too dark and blurry.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 3:24pm
Sheri, some of your advice has really helped me (even if I'm not the writer of the post)

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 3:28pm

Stacy, what a nice thing to say, thanks! I'm so glad to have helped...I know I've learned a lot from these boards over the years, too...STILL learning, in fact ;-).

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 3:34pm

Oh, too funny...she HAD that picture as her lead and a bunch of us suggested that she change it (although NOT to the one that she currently has as her lead--I suggested the 1st or the 3rd one as they appear at the bottom of her profile). I don't think the one with the red is all that flattering (compared to the ones I suggested), but that just proves the point we were talking about that everyone finds different things attractive!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 3:48pm
LOL - I must have missed the last conversation about her profile. I also like the ones you said, but like I said, picked the one I did because the red is eye-catching.


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