Our first argument....
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| Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:05pm |
I've been seeing a great guy from OLD, and we are exclusive. It has been about a month, but we fell fast, have spent every weekend together (he lives an hour away), and went to Florida for 5 days, which made us grow a lot closer, saying the L word, etc.
Anyhow, a few days back from our trip, we have a lovely dinner out, then back to my place. He wound up getting into bed at 10 PM, me a little tipsy from the martinis asking him why he was passing out on me, doesn't he still like me (joking ofcourse--we usually stay up until 4 am talking and the night went well, so I didn't understand). Anyhow, he ended up getting angry, and we had our first fight, complete with him almost going home and me in tears. I talked to friends about it and they said not to sweat it. We have been spending a lot of time together, and we just had our first fight. I saw him the next night, and he said we should just forget the argument, but things were still a little chilly. He is coming over tomorrow. Any ideas on how to get back to the fun, happy place we were without having to discuss the argument again? I really like him a lot and am pretty confused and a little down.
Thanks for any advice.

I say stuff like that (your drunk, teasing remark) all the time. To be honest, I am always secretly prying for information/reassurance. In fact, a comment like that led to the end of my last relationship. Anyways, everyone has off days or times. I know that if I spend a lot of time with someone, even if they are fabulous, I get a little weary and sometimes that comes on without warning.
I think you should let it go. It doesn't seem like it was a huge and serious issue, so harping on it is probably just going to creating tension where none really exists. If him crawling into bed early and seeming distant becomes a repeat issue, then bring it up again. Otherwise, I'd just try to focus on being extra happy to see him. Sometimes, pretending to be really cheerful (at first) leads to *actually* having an awesome time.
Gal Blondie
I think you just need to let it go--arguments happen, it's holding on to resentments and being fearful that is going to sabotage things, IMO.
I think taking a look at why you felt upset that he went to bed early one night (what's the big deal, really?) and dealing with your issue internally is a good idea, but as far as he's concerned, you need to let it go.
Sheri
Gal Blondie
I don't think it's that you shouldn't have cared, but honestly you WERE drunk and tired so going to sleep was not unreasonable. And remember that just becuase you've done something one way for the first month of your relationship does not mean that it will continue that way for the rest of it. You can't stay up til 4 AM every night - you gotta sleep sometime! ;-)
And your feelings are your feelings so don't ever say they were "wrong" per se. But it's important to understand WHY you felt hurt. I don't think it's necessary to discuss it with him but rather to understand for you so that you can learn to not sweat the small stuff. Chances are, he's still a little huffy for being teased and called out that way. Give it more time to blow over. But also, I say that you do NOT forget it ever happened - neither the argument nor his distance afterward. It's something to get past but to file away for later. If he's always going to get bent out of shape when you have an argument, that's not a healthy way of dealing with things. Hopefully next time, you'll both do better and it won't happen. Good luck!
I'm with Vex--it's not so much that you shouldn't have *cared*, just that you should put it into context and realize it wasn't that big a deal or something to take personally.
Sheri