Outside Reactions

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Outside Reactions
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 11:59pm
Hello Everyone:

It has been awhile since I have posted to the board but I am back and just wanna get some opinions about something.

When it coms to the whole on-line dating thing or whatever I feel like that I have always been careful. I havent met many guys off-line but the few that I have been good, decent guys. I talk to some every once in awhile but have one that I talk to regualrly. But this is the recent problem:

My friend called me while I was in the company of my mother. Even though I am 21 years old my mother is very nosey and wants to get in my business. She asked who it was and tried to play it off as no-body in particular but i told her anyway. She wanted to know where i met him at and I couldnt come up with a good lie (the dude lives in NY, I am in Texas), so I told her the truth. She went off the deep end. Telling me that it was nothing but lies, that this guy is an old man who a pervert and that this guy is going to come and kidnap me etc... She also said that she thought I was smarter than that less naive'. She told me that I need to leave the internet alone and that I need to stop contact with him immediately. I just kept my mouth shut and have been thinking about it ever since. But I didnt open mouth and tell her anything. So I wanted to when your family and friends found out about how u were meeting guys or ur current mate, how did they react to it and how did you respond to them? Have any of you decided not to tell ur family and friends and keep ur business to yourself? What advice do any of you have?

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 9:43am
Hi Candierain...First I want to tell you to be happy you have a mother who is concerned about you. Some ppl don't have that, so even though it may frustrate you, you are very lucky to have her in your life. Remember though that there are a lot of ppl who just don't understand the online thing. They've never been in an online relationship, and haven't heard of anyone having relationships with ppl online. They've only heard about the bad things they read or see on the news.

My daughter who is 20, is in a relationship with a guy she met online and even though I met my husband online, I was still "in her business". I didn't allow her to meet this guy alone. My husband went with her to meet him at gas station, then he followed them back to our house where we spent time with him before she was alone with him. Doesn't mean that she would be 100% safe with him once they were alone, but I felt a bit better meeting him before they were alone.

My sister also is in a relationship with a guy she met online. She doesn't have a computer, but I helped her set up a profile on a few dating sites and when the time came, I also warned her about things like not getting in his car, meeting in a public place...etc.

The point I'm trying to make is that even though I've met many men online and married a man I met online, I still see the need to be safe. So try to understand how someone who has NEVER done this and only heard about the bad things, would feel the way your mother does.

I think you need to be honest with your mother but let her know the safety precautions you are taking to help take some of the worry away. It certainly won't take it all away...lol..but may help a bit knowing you are doing all you can to be safe.

As far as friends go...I say tell them what you want, but I see no reason to make up anything. There are many ppl meeting online, it doesn't seem to be so odd anymore.

Good Luck,

and be safe!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 2:13am

I had dated online initially just locally. I was from Indiana, and met someone from Vermont. We got serious fast within a couple of mos. We kinda planned to meet, then I told my mom. She was hesistant to let me at first. Then I told her how great I felt about it, and that if this was the one, I wasn't going to let anything hold me back. She finally gave in, after I assured her I intended on being safe about everything. He came, brought her a gift, and she loved him. My mom is a bit more laid back then most moms. But even if you never tell your mom the truth until later on, if this is the one, would you let anyone stop you? I wouldn't be willing to take that chance. If you feel serious about meeting this guy, and have talked to him and are being safe...all that good stuff. Tell your mom, that your being incredibly careful and that it means a lot to you. Ask her if there's anything (reasonable) that you could do to make her feel better.

When I first started dating online my grandparents thought I was insane. :) I ended up marrying my OL. And now we're as happy as can be. Be safe about everything, but remember some risk are worth taking (carefully). :) Best of luck!

Kristina & Ani Rose 3/21/03

"A child said, What is the grass? fetching it to me with full hands; How could I answer the child? . . . . I do not know what it is any more than he."

"I celebrate myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good as belongs to you"

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