Over Fifty Online Dating
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| Sat, 05-06-2006 - 3:02am |
Hi, I am new here. I am fifty years old and recently divorced.
Back in February I decided that online dating would be the best way for someone like me to get back into dating. I realize that I am no longer as attractive as I was when I was 25, but I'm not looking to date a young hunk either. A lot of the over-fifty men on the online sites are not much to look at. Since I am not exactly hideous, I was hopeful that by now I'd have at least one (or two) "meet and greets" under my belt. No such luck.
In three months, I've had only three real "possibles" and all three disappeared before actually meeting. In one case, we had even made a date and he cancelled at the last minute. In another case, the guy was flirting with me like crazy, saying he really wanted to get together, etc. But first he had to go on a trip. Then he said he didn't want to meet until after a busy week at work. Next it is going to be his kids' week with him and he doesn't want to make any plans. I'd be okay with this, but he just stopped e-mailing. It's not like he's not around. I can see him (and the guy who cancelled the date) as having visited the dating service within the past 24 hours. The other possible was, apparently, transferred to another town and lost interest in meeting for that reason.
Is this the way it is for everyone, or am I especially unlucky/unattractive?
Ela

Just relax and go with the flow of online dating. These men are not necessarily indicative of the online process. It's like buying a car in a way. You shop around until you find the right fit. Sometimes it takes a few months and sometimes it's instant or maybe for me it just doesn't work dating online. You may want to evaluate who you are chatting with to determine if they are emotionally available to you. It sounds just about the time they want to meet they get scared and back off. Not sure if you can anticipate this but I think you need to become thick skinned to prevent being disappointed during the process. It isn't easy but for some it was well worth it.
I wish you the best.
F
Welcome to the board...I'm 47 so close to your age and that definitely means the dating pool is smaller. I've had reasonably good luck meeting people...it's finding someone I really want to be with where the feeling is mutual that is tough ;-)! I've found that many of the single men in our age group fall into one or more of three categories: 1, don't want commtment, just sex and companionship (or sometimes just sex!); 2, have serious emotional issues they are unwilling to deal with and that prevent them from being in a healthy relationship; or 3, are just plain boring.
However, there are some good guys out there...I may have met one yesterday ;-) (but of course it's too soon to tell). Have you tried contacting men you're interested in rather than waiting for people to contact you (that wasn't clear from your post)? I've had better luck with that, as a rule.
Sheri
Hi, Thanks for the responses. Yes, I know it takes time, but I find it very discouraging.
I do indeed initiate (or try to initiate) contact, but I have actually had better luck (as in getting SOME kind of response) when the guy is the initiator. I am thinking that this may not be the best way for a hyper-educated, chubby woman to meet people. But what is?
The funny thing is I don't want anything permanent or even long-term. I just want a few pleasant dates. I can't go dancing by myself. I feel silly at the theater alone. I'd like romance someday down the road, but for now, a presentable companion for a couple of social encounters would be enough.
Oh well. If I could think of another way to meet men at my age, I would.
El
Tee hee, I'm 46, uber educated and slightly chubby (I have about 20 lbs to lose by my standards, but probably 30 by American standards) and I've had little to no luck with internet dating. The two men I did get involved with over the years were commitmentphobes and cheaters. But I keep trying. If anything, it teaches us about people. I can't tell you a better way to meet men since I haven't got a clue. I did do speed dating once, but I forgot my reading glasses and matched up with men I didn't want to meet (it was dark in there, I couldn't see the little "yes" "no" boxes!) ;-)
Chick
Chick, What on earth is "speed dating"?
Today a 37-year-old guy "winked" at me. Now, I have to wonder about what is going through his mind. (Does he want a mom or does he think I'll be easy sexually because I'll be so grateful, or what?) I am desperate enough that I almost winked back. But reason prevailed.
Question for anyone out there: The guy who stopped e-mailing me has a birthday coming up. Should I e-mail him with birthday wishes or should I just forget him? It was his turn to e-mail and I really think his silence means he is not interested.
You know, I was brought up not to "chase" men. If you act too interested, I was told, you will frighten the guy away. But times have changed. I've been out of circulation for 24-25 years. I don't think that sitting passively waiting for a graying knight in shining armor to come my way is the way to go. On the other hand, I worry all the time that showing too much interest will backfire.
El
I am 46 and have been divorced for about a year. It's slim pickins out there....
Re: the birthday guy: I wouldn't do anything to pursue him. JMO. I like to know they have a pulse before I put too much effort into things. Good luck to you. I haven't found any 'good' ways to meet people our age yet either. And I agree with the post that said there are so many with huge issues out there, but some really nice people too.
E