Overanalyzing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Overanalyzing
13
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 11:28am
Avatar Image"The Small Peanu

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 12:06pm
AMEN! This is so great! Would you mind if I plagerized it and posted it on another board that tends to have a ton of questions like this?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 12:45pm

Wow, I totally agree with everything you just wrote! I love to offer advice and support, but sometimes I just get tired of reading incredibly long posts where a woman is dissecting every action a guy she's interested has done. I'll read posts where a girl says "I love my bf, and he says he loves me, but he won't do even the smallest thing for me," I say, then he's not into you enough! And all the posts about "well, we've both been hurt in the past so I know he just wants to take it slow," uhhh, ok? Who hasn't been hurt in the past?

I know I am guilty of the same type of behavior that I offer advice to all the time; I won't try to deny that for a second. But, I made a startling revelation one day, and it was that love really just doesn't have to be so hard. Whenever I think back on my 3 good relationships (I had one not so good one as well), I remember that things all just happened so easily, so naturally. I wasn't sitting at home worrying if the guy liked me, or if he was going to call me, it just happened. I've never had to question if those guys loved me, because the always made it obvious, and I did that too.

So the point is, if you're with a guy and it is meant to work out, I think that it will, without a ton of analysis. Good post, SP.

-Nikki

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 1:08pm

I pulled this off another post. Does this ring for you? I agree with the Guy part ...
-Mark
---
When A Girl Misses You

Body: When a girl bumps into your arm
while walking she wants you to hold her hand

When she wants a hug
she will just stand there

When u break a girls heart,
she still feels it when you run into each other 3 years later

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine, " after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays her head on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that

When a girl is mean to you after a breakup
she wants you back, but she's scared she'll get hurt and knows you're gone forever

---

Guy Facts:

When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few
minutes, he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest,
he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday,
he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you he loves you,
he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you,
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 2:07pm
Good points. I completely agree that you will know if it's the right guy and you will know when he's into you. Things are not always black and white with dating but what a guy feels for you and how he acts is usually pretty black and white. Ambivilance is always a no in my opinion.
I do have a question though for you. What do you think about when a guy says he could go either way with marriage or having children? I dated a guy like this thinking that he would opt for wanting marriage and children and then 7 months into the relationship decided against it. I totally felt like it was a complete waste of my time and I told him this because he knew going into it that this is what I wanted.
After that I didn't even want to get into relationships with men that said they could go either way, only those that were certain that this is what they wanted to begin with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 2:29pm

to add.......lol, this topic is bringing up a lot of thoughts for me.

To HJNTIY and other women and men on the board. Just wondering who might have some insight into this. Why do men waste their time on women that they are just not that into? Why dont' they just be honest and tell her that they are ambivilant or don't know what they feel and walk away from the situation so they can find something better.
Is it because the sex? Someone to pass the time so they aren't bored? They dont' feel like they will find any better and afraid to go searching? Hoping they will feel more in the future? Etc etc. Just wondering what everyone thinks about why guys don't just walk away so that they can find their right fit and let the woman go so that they arent' stringing her along. It not only saves these women heartache but themselves too if they are just honest and move on instead of only calling once in awhile and telling women that they are too busy or other things are a top priority........

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 2:43pm

This is only my opinion, but as you said, ambivilance is always a no. I think it's the same even for big issues like marriage and kids. I think some guys that are pretty solidly set against marriage and kids say they may consider it because they know that they won't get to date much if they say outright that they don't want those things. Plus, I think many of them really do believe themselves that they could commit to the *right* woman if she ever came along because they don't realize the depths of their own commitment-phobia.

As I said, that's just my two cents, but I think that the best bet is to steer clear of people who aren't sure about any subject that is a deal breaker for you personally. Also, I figure that there are women out there who are also not sure if they want to be married or have kids, so I say let those women date the men who are unsure, because I am sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 3:41pm

No, go ahead and post elsewhere;-)


Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 3:47pm

What do you think about when a guy says he could go either way with marriage or having children?


Generally speaking, it means he wants to keep "all options open".

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 6:00pm

To add to the concept of "he'll make time", it can be the same man that makes the time and then one day you realize that he's no longer available. I was with a man that was very busy and had a demanding career. He would call me at least once a day. Then I noticed that he rarely called any more and realized he just wasn't that interested. For whatever reason, it was gone. So, not only do we have to see the truth when its there at the beginning but also during a relationship. You can't hang your hat on the way he was but rather the way he is in the present.

The question about sticking around when you aren't that into a person hit home with me as well. I find it takes me a fair bit of time to get to know a person well enough to know if a relationship is possible. Love at first sight may happen for some but I don't think it fair to expect that everyone will know immediately. If you aren't willing to give a person some time to get to know you before they are ready to commit, you may write off a lot of great people unnecessarily.

Great post SP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 9:18pm

Good post, and a good topic for discussion. I have to point out with some amusement that the point of the post is about WOMEN. Women who overanalyze.

And yet, what did several of the questions wind up being about? Men. "If a guy says this, what does it mean, couldn't it be this, couldn't it be that, blah blah blah."

Missed.

The.

Point.

The point is, ladies, that there's often absolutely ZERO sense in overanalyzing. Us guys are, by and large, a pretty linear, simple group of humans.

Is this a generalization? Of course it is. But it's also true a LOT more often than not, enough so that the odds are very, very, very much against your particular guy being the exception to the rule.

Pay attention to the small peanut. She's a wise woman. ;)

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