Overeager

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Overeager
9
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 4:11pm

Hi,


Do women lose interest if they sense a guy is overeager?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
In reply to: gmoney2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 8:08pm

There are difficulties for both men and women. Men have to go out on a limb and risk rejection and women sit and wait and wonder why if he's going to call or what she did to cause him not to call. I'm not sure which is worse.

As to playing games, I suspect there are some women who enjoy the game, but personally, if I was interested, I would respond within a day or less unless I was out of town or extremely busy.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: gmoney2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 3:26pm

"Sometimes I get frustrated by the social role that is thrust upon my by the fact that I am a man."

I do understand this. But consider the frustration women have, waiting for a man to ask her out, flirting, hinting. Yes, we could just go ahead and ask you out, but speaking for myself, I have regretted being the aggressor in past situations. I think men are hard-wired and socially trained to take on that role, so I say, let them do it. I'm not saying it's harder to be a woman in this situation, I'm just saying that there are difficulties on both sides.

"Do some women in this situation play head-games with men by taking their time to reply in order to (1) show that they are not desperate for a date/boyfriend and (2) to see how he responds to the uncertainty of not knowing whether she is interested or not (i.e. to see how desperate he is)?"

I don't consider a little bit of playing hard to get as "head games" but again, I have really screwed up by acting too interested, taking the initiative, calling him, etc. It's not that I want to "test" him to see how he responds to uncertainty, but I don't want to seem desperate either. My belief is that a man should chase me a little--not so much that he's out of breath, but enough to get his heart rate up. Of course there are women who abuse this and really do play some sort of game with it. I'm also very much against leading men on--I think it's cruel AND bad karma.

Now, having said all of this, I think that when people meet and hit it off that it's not difficult--neither one of you is counting how many hours it's been since the last email and worrying that you'll look desperate. It just happens more easily and "naturally."

p.s. I know you directed this question at clber, but I thought I jump in a give you my five cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
In reply to: gmoney2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 2:01pm

hmmm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
In reply to: gmoney2008
Sun, 01-24-2010 - 7:18pm

I disagree to some extent with the previous posters. A few years ago, I met a man through online dating. He made a really good first impression and we made a date. Over the next week, he e-mailed me constantly. I had said I would call him on a certain day and he e-mailed to remind me. He came across as almost desperate and it wasn't a good quality. I didn't see him again after the second date.

From what you have said, I think the comment in your message about looking for a relationship and being willing to put in the effort may have been the trigger. Most people who are on and OLD site are looking for a relationship. Stating it after one meet and following up with a message the next day and an invitation to take dance classes could be perceived as overkill especially to a busy professional.

Slow down and relax a bit. If its right, you won't have to work so hard at it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
In reply to: gmoney2008
Tue, 01-19-2010 - 10:53pm

I agree with the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
In reply to: gmoney2008
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 7:46pm

Hi,


I agree with the other replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
In reply to: gmoney2008
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 6:39pm

She sent me an email on the 11th, at around 10 pm, saying she would try to give me a call the next day (12th).

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gmoney2008
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 5:26pm

So, am I reading your post right, she never called you as she said she was going to on the 13th?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: gmoney2008
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 4:34pm

I don't think you were too out of line--the thing is that if you really like someone, you are glad to hear that he is interested & thinking of you. If you are kind of on the fence, then it's not so exciting. I think that asking her to take dancing lessons after only 2 dates is kind of a bad idea because any kind of lessons require a commitment, usually of several weeks, so then what happens if you decide you don't like each other that much--you're either stuck taking the lessons or wasting money. On re-reading, maybe you could have held back a littler, because it's like this

you ask her about taking dance lessons--no response
you email to ask her about going to some talks--she does respond & says she'll call you the next day--before she has a chance to call you, you email her again and ask her out. I'm no dating expert here, but maybe that's when you were coming across as too eager. Why couldn't you just wait to see if she called you? Then if she never responded, right there you would figure out that she wasn't interested. But like I said before, women are always complaining about guys not asking them out & making an effort, which you did, so I am just thinking she "wasn't that into you" cause if she was, she would probably be excited about the chance at another date after not seeing you for a couple of weeks.