overnight stay question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
overnight stay question
13
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 3:10pm
Next weekend my guy is taking my me and my son to Six Flags amusement park on Saturday. It's close to 2 hrs away from me and my guy has offered that we stay at his place Friday night and all drive together on Saturday morning. (he's 3 hrs away but actually closer to the park). My son is 9. How would you feel about having your child sleep over - on the couch - at your guys place?? They have met and they get along great. I just wonder how he'd feel knowing that mommy is sleeping in the same bed as the new guy!! I'm not sure what to do...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 3:27pm

I was 10 when my mom had her bf stay over

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 3:58pm
I think if it were me I probably would just drive down early to meet him over at Six Flags. Although your 9 year old is cool with him, unless you both have had a discussion about being exclusive, I would not do the stay-over visit with your son.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 5:08pm

When I have dated men with kids, I won't spend the night with them when they have their kids. I just think it sends the wrong message. I wouldn't do so unless we were engaged.

If you're going to do this, IMO the guy should be on the couch and you and your son have the bed.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 9:11pm
I would not sleep in the same bed with him. If you are going to spend the night, your guy should give up his bed for you and your son, or you should sleep on the couch and your son on the floor in the sleeping bad.
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 10:14pm

As you probably predicted you are getting all kinds of responses lol.

If i am keeping up properly you guys are exclusive...my dd (six) has done just what you have suggested. Along with my dog LOL. Yes, he and i slept in bed. Yes, she slept on the couch. The dog slept on her head.

She is not traumatized upset or scarred. If your son likes him he'll be fine with it, if he doesn't not.

i know alot of women say you need to treat your kids like they'll break in two but i have always believed if you are honest with them and talk to them that is the key. Not who sleeps where or with what on. There's no magic solution: if you date six months then you can be completely open. Trust your son and trust your man but most importantly trust yourself.

If your intuition says your son will be fine he will be. Explain that when grownups are dating they like to sleep in the same bed.

It's really nothing to be that worried over~if your son is basically happy, healthy and well adjusted this will not send him running to the shrink.

best of luck :)
jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 5:19am
Nevermind. I'm just wondering how this is a good thing for the kid is all.


Edited 8/19/2005 5:28 am ET ET by alljackedup
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 8:54am
I would recommend that you take some self defense classes and carry a weapon in case he gets kinky on you or violent. Keep a close watch on your son to make sure he isn't molested by your date on your overnight stay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 9:26am

Yes, we are exclusive. I talked with my son this morning and asked him what he thought. He basically said "okay I'll sleep on the couch". Then I joked about kicking the guy out of his big bed and making him sleep on the couch and we take the bed, he laughed and said "can we do that!!"...so I think whatever happens he'll be fine with it.

thanks for all of the thoughts.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 9:30am
I think it's a matter of whether it's harmful for the child.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 9:59am
I only read your post, but here is my 2 cents. I am in the same situation. I'm dating a new guy who lives 3 hours away. We went to Baltimore and DC last weekend too. He offred for my 9 yr. old daughter and I stay over to reduce the driving in one day. I don't feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with a man I'm not married to in front of my daughter. He gave my daughter and I his bed and he slept in the spare room on the futon. Besides not wanting to sleep with a man in front of my daughter, I would think she would be uncomfortable sleeping alone in a place she doesn't know. Our arrangement made everyone more comfortable and we had a great time. By the way, my daughter has met him and spent time with him as well, but I still preferred the sleeping arrangements the way we did it.

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