The part I hate about Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
The part I hate about Dating
3
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 11:20am

So I gave it a shot with C. (aka. picky eater) and I'm just not feeling it. We have gone out about 4-5 times now. Each time has been fun and I enjoy his company, but I'm just not feeling the romantic chemistry. We've kissed a few times and I honestly feel nothing. It's just kissing to me, no rush of emotions or sparks. I guess I'm feeling mostly platonic towords him. I enjoy my time with him when he is around, but I'm not thinking about him or missing him at all when he isn't around and I rarely have a desire to kiss him when he is. I'm not feeling the way I should feel about a guy I'm dating.
I feel really bad about this because he is a really good looking, nice, affectionate guy so it seems wierd to me I don't have any chemistry.

It is obvious to me that he likes me a lot though because he tells me all the time how great I am and that he can't wait to hang out with me. This is where it gets to the part I hate, letting him know I don't feel the same way. :( Uggh.. I hate hurting people's feelings. I know it needs to be said, because I don't see my feelings changing, I seriously tried too. I kept going out with him and trying different things to see if chemistry would develop but it never did. It's so frustrating, I want to like him, but I just don't.

There are a couple other guys I've been emailing and one I have a date with on Sat. night so I'm hoping things will be different with one of the others and I will have some chemistry. But in the mean time, I need to let C. know it isn't going to work out. I just need to figure out the best way to let him down easy and unfortuanately there is no best way.

Does everyone else dread this part as much as I do? How do you usually tell a guy you don't think it's going to work out?

Thanks for listening to me vent.

Jen




Edited 1/17/2007 11:23 am ET by jfur5
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 1:11pm

For me I believe that we are all mature enough to deal with not being a match for the shoe can very well be on the other foot, i.e. that the OTHER person may not be as into you as you are into him/her.

Maybe because I am not as sensitive as some of you or that I've been thru mis/matching a lot but I see telling someone that there is no chemistry/not a match/whatever then that's not only OK but best.

I have had feedback from a friend of mine that when we first met I told her that I did not feel the chemistry and therefore was not interested in a romantic connection. She thought that direct honesty was refreshing.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:21pm
I agree with Mark. It's best to be honest that you don't feel the chemistry/connection because then he won't be thinking that it's something that he did or that you didn't like his personality. You can't force chemistry unfortunately, although I wish you could. I had a couple of guys I had to be honest with in that respect. I told them outright that I didn't feel the chemistry. I think for the most part they took it ok. It's a slightly sensitive topic but he will get over it and this kind of thing does happen a lot which is what I hate about dating too.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:50pm

Oh, that's a tough one, I hate having to let someone down too. Plus, it's so frustrating to meet someone you like as a person, but the chemistry just isn't there.

How I handle it depends on whether I want to continue to see them as a friend, or if I just want to stop seeing them at all. If I'm not interested in hanging out as friends, and we've been out a handful of times as you have, then I'll send an email letting them know that I enjoyed meeting and spending time with them, but I don't think the two of us are a match and wishing them well.

If I do want to be friends, then I'll try to have that conversation letting them now that I don't see them as a good fit for me romantically but would enjoy continuing to get to know them better as friends on the phone or in person--although I have made the transition successfuly by email as well. You'll probably have the best sense for which medium to use based on your interaction with him so far.

Sheri