From Pen Pal to Person??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
From Pen Pal to Person??
9
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 9:19am
I've been emailing with a guy for a couple of weeks now. After we had emailed back and forth twice each I asked him if he wanted to have coffee. He said yes but that he works out of town during the week (which I already knew) and is only home on weekends - would the weekend be o.k. for me? I said it would be fine. That was over a week ago. He still emails me - usually just a line or 2 - but has never mentioned coffee since. Should I say something along the lines of, "Although I enjoy emailing I'm not looking for a pen pal. Would prefer to meet and see what happens". Or should I just ghost because he's probably not that into me? Do any of you have something in particular you say to them in these instances? Something short and sweet but to the point? Sheri - I know you're an advocate of not emailing too long - what do you usually say to these guys?
Thanks for your help! Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 9:40am

I would say you are right...be direct and tell him you don't want to be pen pals. It may be something else rather than him not being into you. If he is stacking chips maybe?

Sara

 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 10:26am

When I'm in this situation, I usually write something along the lines of, "I really prefer getting to know someone in person rather than emailing. If you'd like to meet for a cup of coffee and see if we hit it off, please let me know a good time for you to do so". Then only respond to emails where he's trying to set up a time and place.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 1:04pm
What about talking on the phone first? Do you feel that's essential?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 1:08pm

Preferrable, but not essential. Some of my best first meets have been arranged by email without ever talking on the phone. But if you'd prefer to talk first, I'd revise the email I suggested before to say something like, "My phone number is ------, please give me a call so we can talk and see if it makes sense to meet for coffee". I also like to give a couple of times that would be good to reach me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 9:33am
Worked like a charm! I pretty much said what Sheri says and he emailed back right away that he agreed and didn't really like email either. Said he will email me to set something up when he gets back from his business trip in 2-3 weeks. So...we'll see....won't we? ;-)
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:10am

Hmmm...a 2-3 week business trip? That seems a little dubious, but yes, you will see ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:30am

Well, he's a management consultant and travels all over the world - his company is based here (upstate NY), however. Right now he's in Clearwater, FL and has been there for over a year. I had assumed he came home on the weekends and really don't have a probelm with that - like to have my own space during the week anyway. But, he said last night 2-3 weeks. So, what I will have to find out if that's an exception or the rule. If he commutes every Monday -Friday fine, but if he's not home every weekend I don't see how he can have a relationship. In fact, I don't know why he doesn't just look for someone down there. Which I plan to ask him when we have coffee...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 8:38pm
I would call his company and make sure he worked there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:15pm
Hmmm... Guess that wouldn't hurt... I know I can be too trusting at times - good to have all of you here for a different point of view. Thanks for the idea!