Persistent or pushy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Persistent or pushy?
7
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 11:32am

I need some advice . . . a few days ago a guy on match wrote to me. His profile looked fine except one thing (said he was in an out of area degree program) so I wrote back and asked about that, whether he really lives here or there. He responded that he lives here but goes there every other weekend (it's a weekend exec MBA program). Before I could respond, he wrote to me AGAIN the very next day. I have had guys do that before and usually they are the type you can't get rid of so I hesitated. Again before I could respond he wrote to me AGAIN (the following day, yesterday) asking if I was still interested. Also, every email he sent me had his phone # at the bottom, which I found a bit odd. At that point I thought, pushy pushy, so last night I responded that I didn't think we were a match. He said, okay, good luck and let me know if you change your mind.

Today I got a very nice email from him saying that he didn't mean to be pushy, just really liked my profile and hoped we could meet for coffee.

Now I am wondering if I was hasty and perhaps he just went a bit overboard but is a decent guy, and maybe he doesn't follow match.com law precisely but is that necessarily a reason to pass on him? A big thing to me is the fact that he recognized on his own that he had come on too strong and that is why I lost interest - to me that shows that he is not completely clueless. Also, I will admit that yes I am flattered, and his email today had a nice tone to it - rational, respectful, not pushy. So I am thinking about writing back but wanted your thoughts . . .

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 12:11pm

Well, if you otherwise like his profile, I'd give him another chance, but with a big caution flag in your mind. I mean, 3 emails in a row without giving you a chance to respond IS pretty bad, but it could be he's a newbie or just overly enthusiastic.

Sheri

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 12:19pm

<<< I responded that I didn't think we were a match. He said, okay, good luck and let me know if you change your mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 1:34pm

Thanks Sheri and PM. :) If I do proceed with this guy, it will definitely be with caution, open eyes, and in a public place.

PM, I see where this could be manipulative and appreciate the thought - but I don't see the date rape connection - would you mind explaining? :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 2:31pm

I gotta agree ginger - he is wishy-washy and a bit overly persistent, but I hardly think that constitutes labeling him as manipulative and a possible date-rapist! Not YET anyway. See how he is in other areas - even when making the date. If he is controlling and pushes too hard for what HE wants without listening or respecting what makes you comfortable, NEXT! him again.

I think this comes to that problem that we women have of dismissing a guy too quickly for something minor that some of our former/lurker guys have always gotten onto us about! This guy might be inexperienced with the OLD scene, he might think you are just the bees' knees and really wanted to get to know you, who knows? Haven't we all been a little overeager out of ignorance or the fact that we really thought someone was a great catch? He realized he pushed it too far and if he seems like an otherwise nice, normal person - what is the harm in continuing to talk and then meet for coffee? It's just coffee! You sound like you have it all perfect with the public place, neutral ground, cautious and just ready to meet someone. Good luck - let us know how it goes.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 4:40pm

Okay, I can see how my comment

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 6:20pm

I think the guy that ginger is talking about is the same guy that I met on match about 6-8 months ago! He barraged me with emails when we first had contact... we did meet... he asked to see me again and I said yes... he even asked what kind of relationship i was looking for and at that point , I made it very clear to him that I am newly divorced and was just looking to date for a bit as I was not certain what I wanted... he accepted that yet suddenly my profile was viewed 100s if not over a thoousand times in a few short days... it creeped me out to the point that I emailed match to see if they can tell me if one person was viewing my profile or multiple (this was at a time before match allows you to see who is hitting your profile and there was very little activity on my profile)... then I get an email from him asking if I want to see Rod Stewart with him as tickets were going on sale EIGHT MONTHS in advance!! I had no idea which way was up post-divorce and he wanted me to commit to something 8 months away after 1 meet! That ended that .... I blocked him and suddenly the views to my profile stopped too...

ginger.... be very cautious re the too pushy ones... it is beyond flattery... there is illness there...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 12:13am

All good points! I re-read his email and yes, you are right, the apology is half-***ed (it's actually even worse than you think b/c he paired it with a bit of self-aggrandizement :).

Funny what you said about my saying his profile was "fine" - honestly, his goals and mine match up perfectly but I was not jumping up and down about his profile - I think in part b/c when I saw the thing about being in a degree program in another city, my first thought was that something was not right.

The thing is, of course I want someone exceptional - but one thing I have learned is that an exceptional profile doesn't always the person is exceptional, and an unexceptional profile doesn't always mean the person is unexceptional. I think that is esp true where I live b/c there are so many tech guys, many of whom are not particularly gifted when it comes to writing. So I try to be open-minded about that b/c I've met some great guys who had just "fine" profiles. Now, if I had actually met him in person and was just saying he was "okay" I would totally agree with you- no settling! :)

I haven't decided whether to respond, but if I do it will be on my own timeframe, as he really seems to be trying to hurry things along and that is not my style. I do have a few other guys in the pipeline (including a RL guy who I have met a few times in non-date settings - we have been trading emails and I just swoon every time I get one from him - sigh).

Yoohoo (love the name!) - that is creepy! After I read your message I just checked and there he is, right there at the top of my 'who's viewed me' list! Maybe it really IS the same guy.

Thanks everyone! :)