Phone convo and decision to meet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Phone convo and decision to meet?
1
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 2:38pm

Hey everybody!
In real life I am known to be a good judge of character; with OLD , however, I don't know (I am new to it, no major blunders so far -- the guys I have decided to meet, and did meet eventually, were exactly what I expected them to be...) Now, the question is about the ones I decide not to meet: sometimes I worry that may be I am discarding somebody who is a potentially good match; so how much should I believe my "gut feeling"?

Example: I was talking to somebody on the phone (same guy from my post on "ïnconsistency or being paranoid?", for those of you who were following it...) I wasn't very excited about him (and no, my fears about him lying to me have little to do with it... thanks to this board, I think I was open to communication when we started talking on the phone...plus, I really got proof my fears were unfounded): we have things in common, yet there were several things that I didn't like: 1/he sounded sleezily flirtatious (in his opening line, when I first called him... but again, may be he was trying too hard?). Strangely enough, he wasn't rude, or saying anything overtly sexual, but his tone I found absolutely inacceptible ("purring and guttural voice saying -- in a very draught out manner "Sooo, we finally hooked up!" ); 2/I didn't feel like we were having a conversation at all: if he talked about travel, he listed countries and places -- long lists mind you!!!!, without sharing what he liked about this places; if it was eating out -- the same thing, lists!!! I was losing my patience :it felt like I was reading and expanded version of his profile (the most boring section when people click and choose prefab phrases to desribe preferences...but again, what if he was nervous and just not very good at talking to strangers? and 3/ (the most impoirtant thing for me that made me go -- "Nope, I am not going out with you!") He brought up the turmoils of online dating again -- he had done that in an email -- and complained of not getting responses... we were talking about it, I was trying to be helpful - he asked me for advice -- and then he says :"you were one of the few genuine people that responded to me!", then went on to say: "when I write to somebody , my intentions are serious, and I don't know why women do not respond." we talked further, and in our discussion it became aparent that it never occured to him, that him being serious is only part of the equation; a potential match's preferences don't factor in!!! at all!!!! Gosh, the sense of entitlement! And since when is somebody's character (what he calls genuine) dependent on whether or not they give us what we want?!!!

Well, I am definitely learning a lot through this internet dating... but the question is: did I read to much into it? (to me what he was saying screams: "I am self-centered, judgemental and inconsderate") or was I right to just move on? ( i have no regrets about deciding not to meet him, but I am just wondering)

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 3:15pm

For me, I go with my gut. However I do like to meet just to see if I'm right. What's 15 minutes, right?


So did you do wrong? No. But I would have probably taken it to a meet to see if my suspicions were true. That being said though, if the guy totally turned me off, I wouldn't bother.


;o)


Glad to see you're sticking around...