a piece of suggestion
Find a Conversation
a piece of suggestion
| Mon, 03-21-2005 - 11:28pm |
Hi there,
I've noticed that here we're talking a lot about "red flags", such as "you should be careful with guys who are so and so" etc. There are things people can change (such as hygiene, selection of clothings etc.), or cannot change. Commenting about something people can't change in this public forum as a red flag sounds plain brutal and thoughtless to me. Examples I can think about are talking about people who are:
- being short
- being certain ethnicity
- being single and have never married before
- having some health problem
- having non-attractive physical features
Are we super models or perfect people? I think everyone needs a little break and we shouldn't be harsh on something we can't change.

Pages
HI SS,
Ditto for me, on everything you said! Thanks! I am not sure that being short is known here as a "red flag"; it seems as though we have decided that being short (ah-hem..."vertically challenged"! :), overweight, bald, etc. are just personal preferences.
To me, the "red flag", or even the "yellow" ones are the issues that we have all spotted in common; or we have found a common thread in some things that come up in profiles or conversations, as we meet OLD 'possibles', that SEEM to lead to certain negative behaviours that we all find loathesome, including lying and other undesireable issues. For me, it is a Big help to be 'aware' of these things, as written here by a group of people whose opinions and insights I value HIGHLY. So that we go into it with 'eyes wide open".
As my Gramma said "God made you great, but He did not make you better than Anyone else" , and I do not think, in Any way, that I am superior. I believe in me, I know I have faults, and I work on them, and others, I wannna 'brat' and Keep! I like 'me', because if I do not, then WHO else will?
And unless there is an 'economy sized' Supermodel category.....
In this same vein, my favorite new Cupcake-ism, (apply as needed!) is "he thought he was Brad Pitt in a Matt Damon suit"! Feel free to change the names as needed, maybe throw in a Nicholas Cage or a Leonardo Dicaprio, to taste.
Amen Up in th' House!
Truly,
Cupcake
Tonka, this board is an extension of "in real life."
I am a little confused by your examples. I have spent a great deal on this board and I have never read ANY post that listed these as red flags.
<<<- being short
- being certain ethnicity
- having some health problem
- having non-attractive physical features>>>
In fact I have never really read a post where ethnicity was discussed in length unless it was someone stating they were being discriminated against. The only Disease or health problem that we have discussed as anything close to a flag is any STD's, which most people would agree with, whether or not they consider this a flag is irrelevant, it is still a HUGE issue that most people would take time mull over before deciding to proceed.
This board has its own language for certain situations that we all understand without further discussion but we need to be clear about what a flag is. A flag is an indicator that a situation's outcome most likely will not be positive, it is NOT by any means an insult or a judgement passed on ANYONE. I know everyone cannot be open and ambivalent to things that are said by others or things that may personally offend them, but a certain amount of tolerance is required when a group of people from such different backgrounds interact. I understand Tonka, that you may feel that some of the topics comments are out of line, for whatever reason, but of course that is YOUR opinion. The same way your opinion is respected, the opinions of other posters are respected, respect doesn't require agreement.
I completely agree with CGUN, as long as you don't violate the TOS, everything should be fair game. No one will learn anything if we all hold anything outside our value set in contempt. Its very easy to say that if you don't like it don't read it, but im not sure that really gets to the core. In an open forum like this, usually its majority rule, if everyone else seems to understand that nothing said here is written in stone, then maybe we need to explore our own need to chastise anyone for commenting in a way that PERSONALLY offends us.
GM
Hi there, I never said all things I posted were listed in the board. They were examples I could think of. I feel like we are going circles here. I understand that here, people intend to just talk about their preferences, ("red flag" or whatever, what I mean is something unchangeable which aren't really their own fault.), and I say, "I think there're certain remarks you just don't make if you're compassionate about others." and you say you're simply talking about preferences.
I'm not a pc police, for god's sake, and as someone said, I've simply ignored many posts I didn't respect or agree with, but I sometimes feel people talking whatever they want to say here including some discriminatory comments can hurt some others' feelings.
As to those sexual diseases you brought up, sometimes out of unfortunate circumstances, people happen to get one, and yeah, that's a trouble, that's a nasty thing to even think about, and I think it's a great educational topic and discussion, but some remarks can reall hurt those who fight with those diseases. It's not something they simply ignore and "change the channel".
If this is another reality that people always talk about things including something negative, my point is, this is a forum for supporting each other, and we should try to support and learn, instead of extending the reality with full of disgusting comments, as many of you said. I think most of the times there're many supportive postings and comments here, and that's the reason I like to hang out :) but I've come across a few discriminatory comments, too. There is a difference between comments in which posters are simply questioning own value and asking for some other perspectives and those in which posters're looking down on a certain category of people. If we ever fit into one of those categories, I imagine we really understand what to think about.
So people can say whatever they want to say and those who get hurt should just close their mouths and move on? I feel a bit strange.
"So people can say whatever they want to say and those who get hurt should just close their mouths and move on?"
Yep, that pretty much sums it up. We live in a free society with a first ammedment. You can't change people's behavior, only how you will react to it.
Is there any reason you need to attack my comment?
Edited 3/23/2005 2:09 pm ET ET by tonka04
Edited 3/23/2005 2:28 pm ET ET by vexer_hw
Pages