Playing the Field
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:07am |
I have not had much opportunity to have ongoing conversations (or interest) from more than one guy at a time (either from real life or OLD). I continue to get phone calls from the one guy who has not been out of his last relationship for very long. I am still interested in him, despite the lack of time since his last break-up. Since I first posted, I'm a little less worried about the ex and him going back to her. I had convinced myself that going very slowly would draw out the time between the break-up and now and that would be a good thing. I have continued to let him do most of the calling. I actually was hoping to see him over New Year's, but because he's a cop in a small town, he said he'd have to stick around close to home. I think he plans on going to his parents for the evening. I was a little letdown that he didn't mention me coming up there, but if he's "on call", then that might not be a good thing and I really don't want to drive late at night. He lives about 2 hrs. from me. We have only had one real date and he's talked about getting together after New Year's, but so far, no date has been set. He had been out of town due to some work training the last couple days and left me a message last night. I didn't call him back because it was late and I figured he was in bed. I am still cautious about this guy due to the reasons I've mentioned plus the distance.
A couple weeks ago, I get an e-mail from another guy who lives less than an hour away from me. He and his cousins come to my town every Fri. or Sat. night to eat and shop at W-Mart (where I happen to moonlight on Fri. & Sat. nights). We exchanged some e-mails and talked on the phone once. He said he would look me up when they were in town again. He came in the store the Fri. before x-mas and I was able to see what he looked like in person. He is heavier than his photo and has a protruding gut (not stomach) that is hard for me to overlook. He's easy enough to talk to, but he has been in the store twice since then just to see me. He has written some "flowery" e-mails to me since that time. Talks about my eyes and how warm I am. He came back into the store last night, which was a surprise to me. I thought he might call when I got off work, but I was not looking for him to show up again. We talked for a while and he did apparently have some shopping to do. He wanted to call me after I got home. I told him OK. He is a mechanic and I'm a gal who can talk cars better than a lot of women. We don't have any problem talking on the phone. I feel less comfortable around him in person. I can tell that this guy is very interested in me by how he acts and by his words in his e-mails. I got an email from him this morning and he said he loved talking to me and actually was kind of "crazy" about me. Wanted to know if we could go out.
OK, my friends/co-workers up to this point have said to go out with just about anyone who would ask me. Go out with the cop AND the mechanic and see where it leads. I realize that putting all your eggs in one basket is not wise and I've had my heart broken enough the past few years that I don't need more. However, the situation with the mechanic guy has led me to question my own ethics about dating.
While I like talking to BOTH of these guys, it seems very apparent that mechanic guy is probably wanting more than I can give, and I found myself more irritated than happy to see him again last night. I don't want him just popping in when I'm working just so he can see me. Physically, I can't imagine being very attracted to him. Now, I can't say that he's totally repulsive either. I just don't find myself attracted to him like I am the other guy (or other guys I've dated).
OK, I have not written mechanic guy back. Should I go out with him and see what happens? Am I leading HIM on if I go out with him? I am a firm believer in no games and not leading someone on. I've had too many men do that to me. The part about him being crazy about me already is a bit unsettling. I don't think he's a stalker type or anything. I just think he's trying too hard here. He does not know I'm talking to cop guy and cop guy doesn't know about him. I don't know when for sure I'll see cop guy again.
Most generally, I could say that given 2 men with any interest level in me (which is not usually the case) that there is only one I'm really interested in seeing. Since I have had virtually no dating life since Mark left in May, should I do as my friends suggest and go out with whoever asks me? Playing the field is not something I do well at.

Who says you have to go out with either of them?
You make some very valid points. I wrote back to the mechanic and told him that while I enjoyed talking to him that I felt like he was wanting more than I could give him romantically. I told him it would be fine to go out as friends but that I could not offer him more than that at this point. I tried to make the e-mail sound honest without sounding cruel. Heaven knows I've been led on by a number of guys only to be bailed on later. I didn't want to do that to this guy.
I wanted to tell him while it's fine to "think about someone a lot" or think they have "beautiful blue eyes" or even think they could be "crazy" about someone, you don't usually divulge that kind of info so soon after meeting someone (less than a week). You at least get to know them and have a clue that the other person has a level of interest before giving out that kind of info. I think this guy is not a stalker type at all. I think he's genuine and sincere, but I think he gives off that "too needy" persona that isn't very appealing. I know women get accused of doing the same thing. I think there is something to be said for independence for both sexes. But, I think this guy was trying to fall in love too soon and his words in his e-mails basically have scared me off. Plus, the fact that I simply could not ever imagine wanting to kiss him or get that close to him. THAT was the real alarm bell for me. I just did not see it happening. If he was the right one, I probably would have been a bit happier to see him last night. I wasn't, so it's just as well that I wrote him back and was honest. I didn't want to sound like I was blowing him off because I would not mind being friends with him; I just didn't want him to believe any real romance would likely happen.
As far as the cop guy goes, I'm still not going to sit around waiting on him. If he doesn't make some effort to see me in the next couple weeks, I will not be returning his phone calls later. There has to be a happy medium here. Anyway, thanks for your input.