Please help me with my profile

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Please help me with my profile
15
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 9:22am

I'm putting my profile up again. I think I sound too demanding and stupid... please give me some suggestions. Thanks.

Head line: Sweet & sassy girl exploring RSVP for a gentleman with "4 Cs" (spot the 4Cs inside my profile!)

Interests:
Music: Music is me! If I say too much I'll give away too much and you know, that's not fun! I would listen to anything, but what music do I really like? Ooh, that's for you to find out!

Reading: Give me something with action, mystery and suspense!! Ok, Michael Crichton and Dan Brown will do for now. I like trashy magazines- I appreciate their creativity to write imaginative facts about various celebs who fancy themselves as celebs, they make me laugh!

Movies: You won't regret taking me to the movies cos I love "guys movies": action, thrillers and adventures (no horrors). I love James Bond. Thomas Crown Affairs is my favourite. I will spare you the chick flicks and see them with my own girl friends (but you're most welcome to come with me!)

Sport: I used to glide on ice and I used to hit some balls with a racket (no pun intended). Now I glide on water and and I smash..... Naw, I keep fit with dance.
Other interests: Cooking, ballet, salsa (just a beginner), going outdoors, relaxing at home. Oh and maybe taking up some of your hobbies!

Main text:

I am witty, I am blonde; I am elegant, I am down to earth; I am funny, I am serious. Confused? Don't be. I'm just many things fused into one!

I look like a ballarina, minus the anorexic part- I like fine food & wine, seafood, I love Japanese and French. But as long as the company is great, take away pizza and TV (and some cuddles!!) are just as good.

I love a good laugh and doing things together with people I like- it can be something crazy or something boring, I can still have fun!

I'm very independent, but then again, I like to be looked after... (that's so you could show off your gentlemanly instinct!)

Woo me with flowers, entrance me with a romantic candle-lit dinner... why don't you drop me a line? Don't forget to include your pic, but if you send me one with sunglasses I'll send you one with sunglasses too!

Ideal partner:

I'd love to meet a gentleman who is Classy, Competent, Confident and Cultured. No permanent tattoos, ear or body rings please. Heterosexual and male since birth. Oh and if you're blonde with blue eyes, short hair, clean shave and wear a suit I'm already melting. So did you spot the 4Cs?

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 12:31pm

First off I'd LOSE the 4 c's thing. But then it might be a cultural thing... when I hear "the 4 c's" I think of the guide to diamond shopping, cut color carat, and clarity. Talk about making most guys RUN! lol...

And "exploring RSVP" what does that mean anyway? Doesn't make sense.

Why don't you say what kind of music you're into? Why be so coy about it? Hey, if you can write "heterosexual and male since birth" then why can't you state your musical preference?

You might revise the over-the-top sexual innuendo in the sport section!

Interests - ballet - dancing or watching? Doing WHAT outdoors or at home? Be specific. Lose the "taking up some of your hobbies!" bit, sounds too eager to please instead of being yourself. Maybe replace with "always up for new adventures!"

"I look like a ballarina, minus the anorexic part-" that just sounds kind of odd, if you have a picture they'll see that you're thin, and you already said you keep fit with dance.

"I love a good laugh and doing things together with people I like- it can be something crazy or something boring, I can still have fun!" Okay, but that's pretty much everyone in the world. Of course you like to laugh and do things with people you like! Be specific.

"No permanent tattoos, ear or body rings please. Heterosexual and male since birth. Oh and if you're blonde with blue eyes, short hair, clean shave and wear a suit I'm already melting."

Sorry, but that whole section is a mess, I'd switch it around a bit. "I'd like to meet a classy, educated, clean-cut gentleman, healthy and fit, looks great in a suit, no tattoos or piercings please." What else? Surely you have some other criteria? Are you really going to NEXT a guy for having dark hair? if not, take out the blonde/blue-eyed thing.

Lose the heterosexual male bit, there's just no need to have it in there. Come on, do you really get THAT many replies from bi's lesbians & trannies? And if you do, just next 'em, they won't be offended... trust me, in the GLBT community (just like OLD) we learn to have a thick skin and not take stuff personally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 1:46pm

Red mushroom.....I really wish we had more males on the board that could give you a better idea of how they would read this profile. I am not saying the following to be mean, I am being honest, if you don't want honest stop reading now.

Bottomline......I think this profile will attract attention. Not the best of attention though. I would post it as long as you don't mind and have the knowledge/confidence say NEXT a lot, and are willing to screen for the males just after sex. I have taken chances with my profile in the past. (I posted pics of me in a bikini...yes I got a ton of emails. But most of them were horrible.) I did wade thru the yuck and find a great guy. I also went on 5 meets in one week. I said NEXT to 4 of them within 15 minutes. I dated one guy twice. I was very happy I drove on the second date. He would not take no for an answer. I droped him off at home.

I had a list of what I wanted and how I wanted to be treated. that was the most important thing to me..how does the guy treat me. Anyone who within the first 3 conversations mentioned sex was gone. Figure out your dealbreakers. Write them down. Live by them.

I asked my guy what his first react was when he saw my profile (this was after we had been dating for a few weeks...) His reply..."she screws"

OK THE REVIEW......... how I read it as a female playing the mans role is....

I am witty, I am blonde; I am elegant, I am down to earth; I am funny, I am serious. Confused? Don't be. I'm just many things fused into one!> -------Ok as a man I don't get this line. What is elegant???? As women we think Heburn, as a Man I think Marilyn Monroe!

---------As a man....I read Oh score!...I can be cheap and order in pizza on the second date and still get laid. (I would take out the whole tv and cudles line)

I very independent, but then again, I like to be looked after... (that's so you could show off your gentlemanly instinct!)-------As a man I read....I liked to be looked after....I dont know what a gentlemanly instinct is...again I read SEX.

Interests:
Music: Music is me! If I say too much I'll give away too much and you know, that's not fun! I would listen to anything, but what music do I really like? Ooh, that's for you to find out!---------I agree with the other poster...too coy.

Reading: Give me something with action, mystery and suspense!! Ok, Michael Crichton and Dan Brown will do for now. I like trashy magazines- I appreciate their creativity to write imaginative facts about various celebs who fancy themselves as celebs, they make me laugh!----------give us examples of trashy, I am a man. I see trashy...I think Sex. Lose the word or find another one.

Movies: You won't regret taking me to the movies cos I love "guys movies": action, thrillers and adventures (no horrors). I love James Bond. Thomas Crown Affair is my favourite. I will spare you the chick flicks and see them with my own girl friends (but you're most welcome to come with me!)----------GOOD I like this paragraph.

Sport: I used to glide on iceport: I used to glide on ice and I used to hit some balls with a racket (no pun intended). Now I glide on water and and I smash..... Naw, I keep fit with dance.-----------I agree with the other poster. Too sexual.

Other interests: Cooking, ballet, salsa (just a beginner), going outdoors, relaxing at home. Oh and maybe taking up some of your hobbies!-------How about saying that you will try some of my hobbies....why be a "yes girl" and take yup my hobbies?

I'd love to meet a gentleman who is Classy, Competent, Confident and Cultured. No permanent tattoos, ear or body rings please. Heterosexual and male since birth. Oh and if you're blonde with blue eyes, short hair, clean shave and wear a suit I'm already melting. -------As a man, Classy, Competent, confident and cultured. These words mean very little to me. I am going to make myself fit those any way I want. I will wear a suit if that means I can be a player....




Edited 2/5/2006 1:53 pm ET by teri_73
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 4:05pm
cool thanks that's very helpful. I've re-done it and put it back online. let's see what happens!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 4:16pm
I wanta see the new and improved version :)
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 5:05pm

>>I wanta see the new and improved version :)

Yer funny.... I thought that too ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 9:02pm

My first thoughts were the same as others - take out the overly sexual innuendos unless you are looking for a lot of guys looking for sex. Don't be coy about the music - it seems a little silly to be coy about that and so up front about sex and other things. Music is an easy way to relate to others.

Oh, and it's spelled ballerina (not ballarina, comes from ballet, not ballat!) if you left that part in. But I also agree, the "I look like a ballerina without the anorexic part" is umm, I don't know - almost contradictory. When I think ballerinas, I think anorexic! You've mentioned you like dance so why not metnion other physical activities you enjoy and let your in shape physique speak for itself in the pictures!

And yes, where's the updated version! ;-)




Edited 2/6/2006 10:45 am ET by vexer_hw

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 8:35am

ok now it's boring:

Headline: Sweet and sassy girl who's always up for something fun!

Interests:
Music: I don't mind what music is playing, but my ears are very finely tuned... they'd better be as I'm a musican.
Reading: Give me something with action, mystery and suspense!! Ok, Michael Crichton and Dan Brown will do for now.
Movies: You won't regret taking me to the movies cos I love "guys movies": action, thrillers and adventures (no horrors). I love James Bond. Thomas Crown Affairs is my favourite. I will spare you the chick flicks and see them with my own girl friends.
Sport: I've sold my figure skates but one day I might take up hockey.
Other interests: Cooking, ballet, salsa (just a beginner), relaxing at home and always up for new adventures! Might even give your hobbies a try!

Main text:
I’m an adventurous and adaptable kind of girl. I love doing things on my own as well as with people I like- it can be something crazy or something ordinary, I can still have fun! Going out for drinks and the occasional party would decorate my weekends.

Dancing is probably one of the things I would never be tired of. I love ballet and learning salsa at the moment.

I love fine food and wine, I have a soft spot for French and Japanese cuisine.

Want to know more? Why don't you drop me a line? Don't forget to include your pic, but if you send me one with sunglasses I'll send you one with sunglasses too!

Ideal partner:
A stylish and intelligent gentleman with a clean shave and wears a suit. Confident and classy. No tattoos and piercings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 11:32am

Yes, now it is boring, but you took out the fun stuff that shows your personality in addition to the sexual innuendos.

Your original music section was fun, but coy. Now it's boring and coy. You still don't say what kind of music you like. Mention artists, concerts, areas you like to go to. TYPES of music (do you like unknown new artists, hard rock, classical, pop?). The "Music is me!" was fine but then go on to explain why and how music is you.

Your section on reading was fine too with the exception of not explaining the trashy mags. WHAT trashy mags? Cosmo? National Enquirer (celebrity gossip)? Hustler? Just say what is your fave and why.

The entire movie section was fine the way it was. I personally don't like "cos" but that's me. IM speak in a profile isn't necessary but other than that, I thought it was a great section.

Your whole sport section is now too boring. While the sexual innuendos have to go if you want serious replies, you can leave the idea behind it the same: "I used to figure skate and play tennis (is that it? Hit balls is vague outside of being sexual). And what do you mean by "glide on water and smash..." - are you swimming, rowing? And you mention taking up hockey now. Say something like "I am thinking of taking up hockey. Want to teach me the rules?" kind of a thing.

Instead of saying you'd give his hobbies a try, I'd say something like "let's find a new adventure or hobby we can share!".

I guess for me, the "I'm this, I'm that" was OK but sounded cliched and a little awkward but I am having problems coming up with another way to say it. Anyone?

You can explain more of what you are looking for in a guy - age, height, race, smoker status, marital status, children, education level, non-drinker, education level, employed? Are these all unimportant to you? You don't have to mention all of them, but you've left a LOT of room for interpretation there. You could wind up getting some 60 year old with 6 kids all older than you who thinks he's intelligent and stylish and just what you're looking for b/c you didn't specify.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 11:39am

Yes, it's way too general now. Put specifics in...Vexer had some good suggestions. You also need to proofread for grammar...you have a bunch of places where it's weird now.

Plus, the headline makes it sound like you're looking for casual sex...are you?

Sheri

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:30pm

  • what kind of musician? classical? rock? funk?

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