Please help...need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Please help...need advice!
8
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 11:55am
Hi Everyone...ok here's my dilemma. I met a guy online a couple years ago who lives in a different state and we are getting married in 2006. His side and my side know a different story on how we met because we've been too embarassed to tell anyone how we really met (we still kind of think of it as a taboo thing). A few people know the truth only because they were around when we were actually meeting and they have kept our secret all this time. We are worried now that since we everyone will be at the wedding that the subject will come up and we'll look like jerks and everyone who didn't know the truth will feel betrayed and be angry with us. Do we tell everyone ahead of time and face the consequences or just hope that there won't be much talk about our intitial meeting at the wedding? Is it really such a big deal? Does anyone really care how we met? Am I making big deal out of nothing? Thanks...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 1:33pm

Why not make a big announcement at the wedding for those who didn't know? You could make it a "now it can be revealed -- we're finally coming clean" kind of thing, funny and festive. I bet it would bring down the house. Who could be mad at that point? If they are, it's their problem, not yours.

And congratulations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 2:10pm
That is exactly our plan should/when we get married. A few people know "the real story", but most people have been given the "other" story... we know who knows what, and those that know the real story know that they are of the select few, so they are careful... but eventually, when we are a "Yahoo! Success Story" we will tell EVERYONE.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 2:50pm

I think people feeling it is a "taboo" and some big secret is at least part of the reason you have people saying things like the statements being made in the thread on "Discouraged with Online Dating".

If more people were forthcoming with that information, more people would realize that regular people DO in fact meet online and that there ARE success stories.

So in the interests of hopeful singles everywhere I hope you will come clean ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 3:31pm
Ok..maybe labeling it as "taboo" was not a good choice. It was just something that I never thought I would be doing and Bingo...I meet my mate (there were some duds in there believe me). Now after all these years I feel like we have deceived those around us that we haven't admitted our true meeting to. I want to admit it to everyone but I am very worried they will be upset and angry with us for not being truthful in the first place. I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure where our relationship was going and those that do know the truth were involved in some way at the time so there was no getting around them knowing. Are we horrible people for keeping this secret and lying to cover it up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 3:41pm

Hello Lola!


Welcome to the board!

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 4:04pm

No, you're not "horrible people" but there's no reason to continue to perpetuate the lie that I can see.

Just explain you were embarrassed, you see now there's no reason to be, and apologize for lying.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 1:01am

I don't see why you were obligated to tell them anything. I don't believe in lying per se' but sometimes things are no one else's concern. However, the only way to stop their prying is to throw them off track. They probably brought it on themselves. So I would be polite but firm with them. The party idea is a good way, I think.

I personally don't see anything wrong with meeting on OLD. I know I was kind of embarrassed to admit I'd met someone through a personal's ad about 15 years ago. However, this is the information age and things are changing. People need to change, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 6:44am
Hi Lola,
I guess nothing is really anyone's business unless you choose to tell them. I would probably intentionally do something that would let everybody know how you met. Maybe ask your bridesmaids to play an online dating trivia game.....lol, or a note in an invitation or something. Remember they are all there because they love you and they are happy for you on your wedding day. If anyone makes it into more than that, it's THEIR problem, not yours. Congrats to both of you!
E