Positive things learned from OLD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Positive things learned from OLD?
4
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 1:27pm

We hear so many negative and frustrating things about OLD (Online Dating for the newbies), that I thought we could share some good things that we have learned either about ourselves or the dating process from doing OLD.

Please share whatever you would like to with all of us...

...I will start by saying that for myself, after my divorce from a 25 year marriage and some healing time, that OLD sort of forced me to get out there when I was really scared at first to start dating again. The whole dating process scared me and I learned that it wasn't really that much different from what it had been when I was younger. Many of the guys are just as nervous as I was at first.

I also learned that I still appealed to the opposite sex, which was an ego boost for me after going through the sadness of a divorce and feeling like a failure for awhile following the divorce (which I later learned that I was quite smart for getting out of a bad situation).

I also learned from exposure to meeting men (face to face meets), through OLD that I would not have otherwise met, what traits appealed to me in men. So this helped to clarify what I was and wasn't looking for in men and in a possible partner. Some things that I thought originally were important to me I learned really were not that important after all.

I became more confident with myself because of the experience I gained by doing the meets with OLD guys (once I learned to let go of having expectations before meeting and not taking bad meets personally since we all have our personal preferences). This confidence filtered through to help me in many aspects of my life.

Sunshine

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 2:05pm
I completely agree about clarifying which qualities we are looking for in a partner, along with thinking about what KIND of relationship and WHY.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 2:10pm

I got a ton of experience. Where else can you arrange so many meetings at such a low cost?

Things I learned:

-Pretty pictures are a dime a dozen - interesting people rare
-Read the profile closely
-Know who you match up with and ignore everyone else - it's just a waste of time
-About 50% of the people are very hard to read on a first meet whether they are interested or being polite.
-Have as current and accurate photos as possible
-Use specific text that highlights your target market in your profile
-I like meeting for lunch better than coffee - because lunch generally has a set max time of 1 hr and you can do it nearly any day versus having to get a babysitter or go out at night.
-Don't email or phone for more than a week - and if you do keep your expectations super low
-Never send a rejection letter after a first informal meet - and if you do BLOCK immediately
-Being geographically close to the other person is fairly important

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 6:36pm

I've learned:

1. To trust my instincts.
2. That if a guy does not ask any questions about, he is probably just interested in sex.
3. To date. Prior to OLD I did not date much
4. To be honest about what I am looking for.
5. Never Settle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 1:43pm

OLD definitely helped me to gain control of my life during my divorce almost 1 1/2 yrs. ago... I was feeling pretty alone and miserable and I suddenly discovered a whole new world opened to me... even if it is to just chat with someone online, it has been way better than staying home feeling sorry for myself... and then dating after divorce was certainly a hurdle... I still recall my first date with someone that I met online... and I was sssssoooooooo nervous... I am not seeing him now but look back at him with great admiration for the patience and understanding he gave me...

I see online dating positives to be gaining the confidence to reenter the dating scene as well as having the ability to be as aggressive as you want in meeting people... especially in the privacy of your own home... works out great with my busy schedule with parenting and my profession... after the day is done... I have this time for myself...