Profile Honesty

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Profile Honesty
12
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 9:31pm
And here I am again with yet another question... I've been emailing with a guy who I may be interested in. We talked on the phone Friday night and are going to meet for coffee Tuesday night. On his profile he listed having a graduate degree. When we were talking on the phone and he was telling me about his job (a very unusual one) I asked him what his degrees were in. He said he didn't have any degrees - that he dropped out of college to "start earning some money". (We are not young - late 40s - so this was a long time ago and at this point he is very successful in his career.) Well, I just figured that I remembered wrong, mixed him up with someone else, whatever. However, the next morning I looked his profile up again and, sure enough, it says graduate degree! I really don't care whether or not he has a degree. What bothers me is that his profile says it and it isn't true. I don't understand why he would lie on his profile but be totally upfront on the phone. Big red flag? Should I still meet him for coffee and ask him about it then? OR should I email him about it prior to coffee to see what his reason for lying is? OR should I just cancel coffee and move on?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 11:49pm

Hi Debbie,

"Lie Little/Lie Big"--when I did OLD actively, ANY lie was just that...a Lie!

If you like him when you meet, then give him a chance to come clean. One hall pass. Ask him about it, calmly and with a friendly tone.."hey, your profile says you have a grad degree, did u realize that?". If he says he put it there to impress people, then...Ding! Next! He lies like a bathroom rug,does it wayyy too easily, and Will do it again.

Dealbreaker. Done deal.

There are a lot of things that people might fib about, but look at your own profile...did YOU lie about anything? I doubt it, unless we finesse our weight 5 pounds--which it can fluctuate to that. It is not saying you are a size 2, and being a 14, and there is nothing wrong with Either size! Many men put on photos where they had more hair, that I can let go...but not something large, like education.

Just mho--cupcake style.

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 5:37pm

You know my friend came across someone that did this too.

But in regards to children.

In the portion of the profile where it's just choosing things (such as height, weight etc) he wrote Have children not living with me. However in the written part of his profile he stated he had no children but wanted them someday. Then when she was talking to him he said his son was 10 and then later in the discussion said he was 11.

The story kept changing and she ended up blocking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 5:40pm
What does his photo look like? That is really the question here. Is he a hot red-head?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:25pm

Oh, that's definitely creepy!!

I still haven't decided whether or not I'm going to keep the coffee date tomorrow night. My gut is telling me to forget this guy and move on. My curiosity, however, is dying to hear what his explanation will be! :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 2:55am

Unless he accidently clicked the wrong thing, it sounds like he is afraid someone won't accept him for who he is and I think that is a red flag.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 8:49am

No, I definitely do not see that as lying. It's just common sense to do that. I moved about a year ago and did the same thing - listed my new town rather than the current one. No one had a problem with it - it just makes sense to me.

I appreciate your input on the graduate degree. I will just ask him about it tonight and see what he says. I think I'm especially paranoid because I had a bad experience a while back with a guy who ended up lying about EVERYTHING - being naive I bought it hook, line and sinker. Learned a lot from that experience but do not wish to repeat it!! What's that saying? - "First time shame on you, second time shame on me". ;o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 9:11pm
Well, here's the update on my coffee date. He was slick and weasely! Attractive, well dressed, polite, etc. But when I asked him about the graduate degree on his profile he just got this s--t eating grin on his face and said, "Yah, I know". Said his experience was equivalent - which it probably is. But a liar is a liar is a liar. I know that he will lie about other stuff too. His conscience doesn't seem to bother him about it one bit. So, chalk it up to experience - and a mocha frappacino! ;o) Thanks for all your input - we were all dead on!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 9:32pm

I know this is a wild shot but just in case, did he fill out his match add or did someone do it for him aka assistant or secretary? Maybe they assumed he had his advanced degree.

I dated a guy briefly who said he preferred to date women 30+ and didn't understand why 25 year olds were writing him, I noticed on his profile he had age range 21 to 41 and almost said something then he brought it up over dinner one night saying, DUH, he realized why these young chicklets were writing him -- guess he did it in such a hurry he didn't realize what he had done. That is not why I stopped seeing him but just ask - I'm curious of his answer - rule of thumb NEVER ASSUME, I mean the guy was upfront when you asked him right? He said he didn't have any degrees so if he was truly out to deceive you or anyone why not keep the lie going, makes no sense?

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 9:40pm

Ewwww, didn't read this before I posted. Good, drop him like a hot potato! I have 15 years of experience but I don't lie and say I have an advanced degree, give me a break! Yes, having experience is just as impressive as having a degree or both.

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 11:20pm

Uh, yeah... the degree section doesn't mean "have one or equivalent experience"

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