Profiles, Searching, & Early Dating
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| Mon, 03-14-2005 - 5:52pm |
I have a question mainly for the men here - I know many women will typically keep their profile up and active, even when dating 1 or 3 guys, because in most cases, guys ghost, or the dating only lasts a short period of time, and it seems to work out better to just keep your profile up and keep on looking! (I usually hide mine, I don't like to meet/date more than 2 guys at once).
Anway, I was wondering if guys typically do the same thing, even if they are dating someone they are interested in? I am dating a guy I've had two dates with, things are going along well (as far as I can tell, anyway), and yet, I can see he's always active on Match (mine's hidden, I don't even look anymore). This is my main pet peeve with OLD, is the trust factor.
Not that I'm expecting this guy to stop loooking, after all, its only been two dates, but what I am trying to get at, is, DO you guys keep on looking for the same reasons we do, a numbers game, keep as many possibilities as possible available? Or, is the only reason you would still be looking, is because the one you are currently dating is "Nice", but not really what you are looking for, so you are going to keep your options open and then ghost when the next one comes along?
It bugs me no end to see that he is still looking for other girls, when I'm thinking maybe, just MAYBE, this might be the one to get past 3 dates? Help me out here please . . . .

Well, since none of the men are chiming in here, I will. From talking with my guy friends who do OLD, yes, at least some guys keep their profiles up for the same reasons a woman might...to keep from putting all his eggs in one basket, in case things don't work out with a woman he's interested in, NOT necessarily because she's only a "good for now" date.
I don't think you should be "bugged" at all that he's keeping his options open at this point.
Sheri
Hey Girl-
I'm right there with ya.
Hi Blue,
This is the part where, as Sparklepuss says, things get tough, so that is why I say you need to put the "Armadillo Armor" around your heart to do OLD. It is not made of real metal, so you can peel it back...If you find someone you like, but let it "pop" back into place if you feel the hurt comin' On! :)
There are 2 schools of thought on the men still surfing, and it has brought me to a point that I do NOT quit going online every 2 or 3 days, myself. Not always "online now",mind you, but active in a way. 1. Because you do not put everything into someone you just met, and also because I am Not sure this is not a 'chase/game over' kinda thing that exsists on OLD. 2.Some say that this is just a "visual" thing with men; they like to look and see, and it is harmless. It does Not really feel that way, does it?....I try to take in all of the factors and apply little importance to them being online; but I can't help but think: "why do you Act/talk/seem like you have found someone special in me, and then Keep looking?!"...human nature?
Personally, I find it hard to 'detach'when they have been active, feel kinda muddy when I go online; like a "na na boo boo" kind of immature act, it seems to me,but I do it! Just trying to find what works, and I would Really like to find the man who would not mind being a Lot less active, once he met me, so I could think that Maybe he wanted more than "bed time" with me!
I guess this is another one of those that each person has to deal with, as they will.
Truly,
Cupcake
I had to chime in; reading this I thought, man - when did relationships get so complicated ya know? Our parents really had it made, no on line dating you just go and meet someone the old fashioned way .. usually after 2 or 3 dates you were an item, back then they didn't talk of being exlusive, you just went together, it was known. Yes, I know they didn't have the options we do today but that's not the point, it's more like look at the hoops we go through, LOL. It's kind of a pain at times for sure!
Sorry....this just made me think, wow, what times we're living in, I wonder how my future kids will be dating, scary stuff, ha!
SP
Despite what the "rules" say, If I really like the woman I'm dating and it's reciprocal on her part, I will usually leave the profile up until we agree to be exclusive. But in all fairness, I'm really not looking. I don't even like corresponding with more than a few women at the same time. But since I'm a guy that's a rarity. My preference is to concentrate all my efforts on the woman I'm seeing. But it is nice to have a safety net... But I usually only correspond with no more than 2 woman at a time.
TT