profiles vs reality
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| Sun, 06-11-2006 - 1:07pm |
This is kind of a vent thing I guess. But on my profile I put honest answers as I feel its a waste of time and money to put up something that I am really not. I see my ex is back on match with his same profile and I read it now and it is so not him. Likes cuddling on the couch, ha, at first maybe, but then it was like cuddling just for sex, not just to cuddle. An occasional drinker 1 to 2 a week, yeah, I don't think they mean 1 or 2 30 packs per week and a whole bunch of other stuff that women, like myself would think this guy is so sweet and it is all a big line of crap. Espesciallly the line that he is over his ex and ready to move on. Yeah, okay, that is why he never wanted her to see me and is so jealous over her boyfriend.
Anyways, there has to be a few honest guys on there and I am sure there are women on there too that put what they think a man wants to hear. Which is okay, but I guess I would rather not answer a question on there rather then put something on there that I am not. I wonder how many of them just look at the pic and never read the profile?

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My advice (and trust me, I've done what you have) is to not look at your ex's profile and sit there and get all p'od about it & pull it apart. You had your day in the sun with him or he had his day with you - you weren't a match and time to move on. It doesn't matter what he wrote as it's not your problem anymore.
My attitude is "I go in optimistically but realistically" take your time date and don't rush in, in time a man your into will prove himself via ACTIONS not WORDS - in the meantime enjoy YOUR LIFE and don't get all upset at half the male population - just wasted energy and you don't need that vibe coming off on your new dates - trust me the guys can sense it, been there and done that! Be happy with you and eventually someone will pull through.
In answer to your question though, this is ON LINE and everyone including your ex will market himself in the best light possible - just the reality of it! Someone else's headache now NOT yours, woo hoo!!!
Cheers,
Ms. Peanut
Well, like you I met somebody on line and fell fast and hard for him: our wirlwind romance lasted for 6 months -- we had discussed exclusivity and I thought we both wanted a LTR. Long story short, I broke up with him -- he had gone away for 10 days and was completely incommunicado, becasue, as he said : "I didn't feel the need to call you" -- during the break up he gave me the whole: "Oh, obviously I am not ready for a realtionship..." OK, of course I know that this most probably means "I don't want one with you", fine...
However (I know Peanut, shouldn't have done it), he comes up in my searches 7 moths down the road; I check his profile, and, to my dismay, he had alluded to me to describe his "dream woman", albeit jokingly: he said, and I quote : "Well, I could come up with a shopping list, I could tell you that I am looking for a tall, sexy, smart and funny blonde European, but I think I can settle for somebody who knows who she is and what she wants" He cracked me up!!! (For those of you who wander, no I am not reading too much into his words, yes, he called me all these things, and smart, funny and European I most definitely am :))
Anyhow, he cracked me up: 1/ he basically alludes to me as some exotic gender stereotype (the new bibmbo?) , and 2/ obviously he felt I was the one who didn't know what I wanted... ( WTF? if that was the case, he would have been blisfully enjoying the benefits of our "however-we-decide-to-define-it" relationship with none of the responsibility of a LTR (OK I am not that stupid)...
On the other hand, I know this man, he is uncapable of dishonesty; I really don't think he was sitting there trying to deviously misrepresent himself, this is simply not him: what I am trying to say is that most of the time people are not even aware of the discrepancies between their self-perception and others' evaluation of their emotional health and/or maturity... Well, I am not checking out his profile anymore and I don't care what he has to say about me or himself, for that matter, in it. ;)
Thanks for your reply as it makes me feel not so alone. I think this guy is the same way, he honestly believes he wants what he says he does. But yet, he would leave me for weekends on end to go to his old house some 2 and a half hours away and get upset when I would complain. He has issues with his ex that he doesn't even realize and yet his profile remains the same.
But I am not going to waste any more time worrying about it. I put up with alot more then I should of in the first place and hopefully there is someone out there that will appriciate me for what and who I am.
My ex had a profile up for awhile, I don't know if he still does. I know what you guys mean about not getting all hung-up, but I still marveled at how normal his profile sounded. He sounded like a nice, regular guy. Well, this guy definitely was NOT. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to my son most in the form of "jokes". I'd call him on it and he say something like he needed to be a man. I feel sorry for whoever gets involved with him. Anyway, it was like a wake-up call for me. I'm so prone to giving people the benefit of the doubt, I need to be a lot more wary and distrustful in certain instances.
However, I agree with the others that at some point we have to put the ex away. It usually takes at least two months though.
Thanks for your support. Yes, I guess thats it with me too. I feel sorry for the next woman that he sweeps of her feet with his sweet emails and "I'd do anything for you" bull crap that ends soon after he knows he has you. Not to mention the fact, that he too, could be quite physical at times, showing his domination.
But yet, he has been hard to get over because he could be so sweet and kind, unfortunately that slowly ended. But for me, he was my first love in so long that I think that has alot to do with it. And it has definitely been a learning experience.
So what do I do, decide to hop on out of match for awhile so I could see fresh faces and not be seeing him and went to americansingles, which I rarely go. Lo and behold, I log in and there is his face on my home page as my match . He had looked at my profile on there 6 days ago and I remember mentioning to him about americansingles when we were together. So do you think he is doing this to mess with me or what? Sorry, I know, I am much better off without him but I was really surprised to log in there for the first time in 15 days and to see him there. Of course, it probably really ticks him off cause I am using a picture that a friend took of me after our first date. It is one of the best pics of me ever, cause I was so happy and after what he has done to me I figured oh well its just a pic.
I would guess that his choice to post on american singles has nothing to do with you. I've had profiles on american singles, match and yahoo all at the same time. And the same guys pop up over and over again. Like me, they were trolling in all the waters they could find. He is not even giving you a second thought, but just putting out as many fishing poles as he can get his hands on.
Rarely do people see the character flaws in themselves that other people do. And a lot of times when they do see the character flaw, they justify it.
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