Pushing for a Meeting
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| Thu, 06-08-2006 - 12:30am |
So at what point should one push for a meeting?
This guy has been e-mailing with me for almost four weeks now. We had a hiatus of several days when (he says) he didn't get my e-mails, but after that we resumed e-mail and occasional IM's. He said he wanted to phone me and got my phone number but he hasn't gotten around to phoning me yet. He sometimes will send me two e-mails in one day. Other times he lets two or three days go by. I liked him a lot at first and was really upset when I thought he had lost interest (during the time when he says my e-mail didn't reach him) but now I am less concerned.
It has been my experience that a lot of guys on match.com are not really eager to meet. As soon as they come to the "shall we meet" stage they disappear. I have never before pressed for a meeting, usually it's their suggestion, but they disappear anyway before we meet.
I realize that if I push for a meeting this guy may disappear also. But I don't want a penpal. If this guy doesn't want to meet, I am wasting my time.
My question is whether I am being impatient. Should I give it a couple more weeks?
Elsa

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Thanks.
I just don't want to seem too pushy. I was the one who initiated the contact. He has seemed delighted with it, writing long and detailed e-mails etc. (except for the period when he didn't answer for a while and I thought he had lost interest but he said it was that he hadn't got my e-mail) and always saying "write soon" at the end. But I am thinking that no matter how busy he is, he needs to move to the next step.
I wish he would suggest meeting though. I don't like relationships in which I do all the work. (You know, even with female friends, if I'm always the one who suggests where to go and when I start feeling that the other person is not as "into" the friendship as I am.)
I've hinted that it's time to meet. Let's see if he picks up the hint. If he doesn't I'll have to be more straightforward.
Elsa
I think he's already pretty much indicated by his actions that he's not really interested in taking this to the real world from the fact that he has your number and hasn't called. So the chances that he would actually *act* if you suggested meeting are pretty much slim to none, IMO.
It's up to you whether you want to spend your time doing the endless emailing thing a few more weeks, but I really doubt it's going to make any difference.
At least if you put it out there, you'll KNOW and you can move on (or meet!).
Sheri
The thing with the phoning is interesting. He asked for my phone number during one IM session and said he'd call that night. Instead I got an e-mail saying that he really wanted the time when we talked to be special and that because he had had a rough day he wanted to wait until another day when he was more rested. He even specifically said that he would probably call me next Sunday or Monday. But Sunday he e-mailed me two long e-mails and said nothing about phoning. He did mention that he had unexpectedly had to take his son for a few days because his ex had to go out of town. So I figured that was a partial excuse for why he wasn't phoning.
Tuesday he said something about trying to find the right time to phone. So yesterday I said that I looked forward to hearing from him and maybe meeting sometimes soon since I thought it would be more fun than just e-mailing. I hated to seem that I was pushing, but as you say, this guy is really not moving forward on this.
On the other hand, I get the feeling that he is somewhat afraid of rejection. He wants to phone at the right time to make a good impression. And I suspect the same thing will happen with the meeting--he won't want to meet if he is not rested, etc.
Oh well. If he answers at all--I may have succeeded in "scaring" him away--I will suggest that we meet for lunch or coffee this weekend. And then he'll get scared and disappear.
Elsa
As you said, you don't want to waste your time so for me it's sooner the better...
I don't like to waste my time emailing back-and-forth as well.
I think with women it is different since they have more safety issues then men. I give them that leeway but if they are that scared/timid then I would rather let them go.
Dunno what the deal with your experience with guys you meet online.
Good luck,
Mark
I don't think e-mailing back and forth in the first week or so is a bad idea--so long as the two are communicating and getting a sense for shared interests, backgrounds, etc. I had a really good time e-mailing this guy at first. The problem is that it has gone on too long.
I don't know why guys seem to get cold feet just before they meet me. It's not like my picture hasn't been posted all along. (And most of them say I am pretty, so I am assuming they don't find me totally hideous, even if they are lying about the "pretty" part.)
Anyway, good luck to you too.
Elsa
I think whatever you and the other person is comfortable with for I do not believe there is a hard-and-fast rule on how long you *should* email. I consider who I am is mostly in my profile and whatever else I can reveal and learn about the other better and quicker via a phone conversation. I also know about myself is that I can get hooked via email/IM to a person I have no chemistry with or cannot have a real interactive conversation with.
Mark
I'm sure it has nothing to do with *you* personally...I really doubt you're not the only woman these guys have done this to.
Sheri
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