QOTW?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
QOTW?????
14
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 5:58pm
What are the views on living together before marriage?? Research has shown, that living together could increase the chances of divorce. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Tell me why, either way? Do you think it is sinful and you should wait until you are married to move in? Just an added bonus....Would you wear white at your wedding, if you werent a virgin???

Well, my answers are pretty obvious. lol I would recommend living together way before you get married, and I have always been one of those hippies, who lives with someone forever and never marries. lol lol So, I would say it is a good thing to do. Also, if it is love then living together will not make or break it. It will answer lots of questions if anything. It will tell you if this is someone you want to spend your days with. I think it can save you alot of drama if you decide not to marry the person. I know several people who lived together before marriage and some are still married and some never walked down the aisle. They know more now, then they did before though. Also, I would wear white at my wedding even if I was not a virgin. Who cares? It is my wedding. I can wear black if I want to!! lol Okay, that is me. Now, its all you!!

Gail

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 6:18pm
I agree that living together first in and of itself wont make or break the relationship and certianly things can be learned during that period that one may not otherwise know of till after marriage. However, my understanding of the idea that it can be an indicator of a relationship failing has more to do with one of the partners having commitment issues thus wishing to live together rather than being married. Not that failure is inherrent of living together its self. No I dont think living together before marriage is sinfull, judging such is simply a matter of religious and moral values. I would certianly respect such if my partners values prohibited living together, but personally I have no problem with it. I wore white both times I was married, the first time I was pregnant :-P I dont think the color of a gown matters much, its whats between the two of you that counts. Hell, you can marry nude for all I care LOL. If ever I marry again I think I would wear a simple 'peasant' gown and have a very small outdoor service. At least that would be my preference.

Winter

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 11:49pm
--What are the views on living together before marriage??

Its not a sin so that is not a problem.I have never lived-in and probably won't.A little old -fashioned,but I have no hangups.Probably,I may..for never say never.

--Research has shown, that living together could increase the chances of divorce. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Tell me why, either way?

--I disagree.They may not find a reason to marry as they already feel married and they may also marry and get along great.Breakup maybe due to various reasons,nothing to do with living in.I never lived in,was a virgin and now divorced.So there!

--Just an added bonus....Would you wear white at your wedding, if you werent a virgin???

Defenitely white...coz its the color for angels!!and I sure want to look one on my wedding day.But other than that,maybe peach is good too....btw this ques does not apply to me...I'm still a virgin.....in my head atleast..lol:)

Anya.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 8:23am
I am not against living together before marriage so long as there is a wedding date happening very soon. I do have somewhat of a moral issue with couples who live together with children - to me it is not fair to the children to either be in a situation where there parents are not married or have a non-bio parent who is not married to their parent living under the same roof - to me it is unstable and sets a bad example for the children. I do not believe that living together helps in the marriage decision or helps much to see how marriage will be - I have heard time and time again that marriage is different - the piece of paper does make a big difference in how you relate. I believe that the divorce rate is high among live together couples because I bet often one of the couple is "going along with it" and so resentment builds towards the other person, or the couple is not committed to the idea of marriage and the piece of paper doesn't change it - or perhaps some couples believe marriage will change the relationship for the better - just speculating!

I lived with a fiancee for 10 days - it was fine/fun/sweet but he didn't feel morally right about it.

I would wear whatever I wanted at my wedding - I'm with ya!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 11:38am
Deena33 said: "I believe that the divorce rate is high among live together couples because I bet often one of the couple is "going along with it" and so resentment builds towards the other person, or the couple is not committed to the idea of marriage and the piece of paper doesn't change it - or perhaps some couples believe marriage will change the relationship for the better - just speculating! "

Yes, my thoughts exactly.

Winter

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 12:19pm
Winter, my dear. We are totally on the same page. My next wedding, well the only wedding I would ever have had. My second marriage I will say, is going to be exactly as you described it. A peasant gown with flower crown in my hair, outside. I want to go bare footed too!! I want to be totally free with it and have no stress for anyone. I am not going to even call it a wedding, or a reception. It will be at my best friends home where she has this gorgeous back yard and a huge old house. I am calling it a party. lol A celebration if you will. That is me. I like your style, girl.

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 12:22pm
What are you talking about girl? I am a virgin and I have two kids. So, just call me Mary, mother of jesus if you will. kidding. (No offense, lord) lol lol Well, it has been so long since...well..I do feel like a virgin myself!! lol

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 12:24pm
Now you got me wondering Deena. What happened to the infamous fiance?? How long did you date before you both decided to move in?

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 12:47pm
That Sounds absolutely perfect Gail! Barefoot.... Yes!! And stress free, that is the idea! To me these types of things are best as a small intimate celebration. I had the experience of a Catholic wedding and the experience of a huge reception, while fun and memorable I believe I prefer simple and small.

Winter

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 1:45pm
We dated a little less than 2 years. Got engaged June 1997 and by July had planned a November wedding. In August we found a place together - he moved in to it on his own first, I followed about a month later - during that time we decided to postpone the wedding (I was ambivalent) but also decided to move in together - that lasted 10 days and his parents disapproved and he felt uncomfortable - although we got along fine. In November I moved out and back to Manhattan and in early December we broke up completely. I was also engaged for a very short period of time to another guy, in 1989 but we never lived together and never had sex (we were waiting till the wedding).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 2:30pm
I guess it proves, you just never know what can happen. I think that was sweet that you were going to wait with the first fiance. We all have those goals at first. lol I wanted to wait as well, but hormones kicked in and...well, the rest is history. lol Thanks for the answers.

Gail

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