question..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
question..
4
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 9:12am


...Ok, scenario's this: you've been chatting to someone on the net for a few weeks. You've been texting with them too, all very flirty.. You're meeting up with them for the first time in the town where they live. You fancy them, they fancy you. You don't want to jump into bed with them a few hours after you've met them - OBVIOUSLY!! - but..you don't want to talk about the weather the whole time either... Would it be ok to just..snog? a lot? Would they then be justified in saying to you - if you didn't want to go all the way, why the h*** did you snog me?

Stupid question I know, sorry..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: juliasuk
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 10:15am
On a first date with a complete stranger (text messages, on line - doesn't count, at least to me) I would meet for coffee for an hour in a public place and take my own car and if I had any interest in any relationship with this person I might kiss him quickly on the lips goodbye.

If you do what you plan to do, realize you are risking him not viewing you as relationship material and be very very clear before anything happens that there will be no sex - but you might still end up like I did once on a second date with a man I met through a personal ad - on my back, my wrists pinned down behind my head with him starting to try to have sex and me saying no - at the third no he finally freed my wrists. He is still on every on line service - he is brilliant, charming, professional, devastatingly handsome - and likely a date rapist - it only took once, nine years ago - for me to realize how careful you need to be. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: juliasuk
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 11:15am
I would have to agree with Deena here. Be very careful with flirting and any sexual situations. Just meet him first, see what you both feel and do it responsibly. Just be sure you give the first meeting a chance for you two to develop feelings. I would say it could work out and all be well, but just take your time and see how things develop. Nothing wrong with some bootie. lol Just be careful about how you get it and how you approach it. It can end up like Deena's situation. Sorry for that, deena. Anywho. Goodluck and keep us posted!

OH, and for pete's sake...WELCOME!!


Gail :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
In reply to: juliasuk
Sat, 07-12-2003 - 10:05am
Some precautions to take before you meet this guy online (if you haven't done so already): Make sure you tell someone -- a friend, family member, etc. -- where you will be and at exactly from what time to what time, approximately. Make sure it's also a public place. You can never be too safe when it comes to meeting someone (anyone) online. I know I did that when I first met my (now) boyfriend. We met at a local Starbucks and I made sure my friends knew where I was and at what time I'd be there, just in case. It's easy to trust someone online in their words (what they say) but meeting and talking w/ them in person is VERY different. You will be nervous and your interactions might be slightly different. If you haven't exchanged pics or even if you have, the person may or may not look like the pic they have posted so beware of that (just in case). I'm not saying this to make you paranoid -- as I am sure you are excited about meeting him but like I said, you can never been too careful or too safe. You are protecting yourself and your best interests here :)

Good luck and don't forget to tell us how your meeting went!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2003
In reply to: juliasuk
Sat, 07-12-2003 - 2:06pm
You write "Would they then be justified in saying to you - if you didn't want to go all the way, why the h*** did you snog me?"

1- justified or not, they can say whatever they want, including "If you loved me you would" and similar...remember those high-school dates??

2- In response to "why the h*** did you snog me?"- the answer is delivered with a big smile, a wink and a playful laugh.....Because I felt like it. I thought you to be charming, sexy, funny, interesting, and fun.. but if you keep up with that attitute, I might have to change my opinion.

No guy gets the goodies unless he earns them! :-D