Question about the $$

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Question about the $$
27
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 12:00am
I went on a date with this guy who kept talking about renovating his condo. Over dinner he mentions his cottage in the countryside and owning two cars and two Kayaks and a Canoe... I did not take offense/note of this. Then came the bill time. He leans towards me and asks can I get your dinner? I was shocked. I thought he asked me out so he would pay. Not that I m cheap or anything. I would invite him next time for dinner for sure if there was a next time that is but I was expecting him to pay. So I said ok but felt embarassed and wished I said no and paid my bit. Then he said the reason I asked is that one girl was mad at me that I offered to pay her dinner. I did not know what to say. I mean I did not even want to meet over dinner it was his idea. I would have settled for drinks/coffee. so anyway I m having a weird feeling about him now. He seemed a decent guy at first with some emotional side unlike most of the guys i meet but dunno if there were red flags like being cheap or materialistic? would you make that call if you met soemone like him?


Edited 1/21/2006 9:54 am ET by juliara2003

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 2:03am

Ok, time out. How is that cheap? He had a bad experience with some woman who probably tore him up for buying dinner... so he was just checking that you're not that type of woman. If he leaned over and said "hey, would you mind paying for yours?" I would be screaming. But in no way is what he

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 2:15am
I just think the majority of dates (like 99%) end with whoever did the invite paying for it. So one bad experience does not mean he should expect everyone to be like her!
Am I not uptodate with dating rules or I always thought that guys usually pay for the first 2-3 dates. I dates many guys and never was expected to pay for anything the first few dates. Of course I always returned the invitation by inviting them later to a very posh place to show my appreciation. So I m kind of wary about his question. especially that he suggested dinner. Anyway it was not a lot of money maybe $20 each so I dont know why the big fuss about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 7:20am

He's probably not sure of the rules either.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 7:23am
I think he was being a real gentleman by asking you if he could pay for dinner even though the way he expressed it may have created a misunderstanding at first. After explaining himself, I don't thing there was anything shocking about what he did. I've had guys I've gone out with tell me that women got defensive when they offered to pay for dinner. I guess these women were into the women's lib thing. I usually offer to pay for my half out of courtesy even though I know the guy will refuse most of the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 8:42am
I think you're reading too much into this guy. Just let him be him and quit making assumptions. He seems like a decent guy with his life together and is just trying to find someone to compliment it. Like the rest of us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 10:43am
I agree with everyone else. One of my guy friends had a date once where the woman ended up literally screaming at him because he automatically paid the bill. I wouldn't read too much into it, it sounds like he's trying very hard not to offend you, and that's a good thing!



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 9:26pm
Hi,
I am told that many women don't want the gentleman to assume that he should pay the bill. I would just take it for what it was. He wanted to pay the bill, but didn't want to offend you by doing so.
E
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:28pm
I agree - he was trying to be considerate. Also, I kind of like it when a date clarifies the money issue. Often if the check is delivered and he doesn't reach for it right away, I feel like I should offer -- is he waiting for me? or just engrossed in our conversation? So I would actually LIKE this guy's approach. Are you looking for reasons to dislike him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 4:20pm
I'm not sure I understand why this is soooo offensive?


Edited 1/23/2006 6:21 pm ET by sniffle_sally
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 4:21pm
He didn't ask you to pay for your dinner, he asked "Can I get your dinner?" I take that as him asking permission to pay, I think you misunderstood, some women get offended by someone paying for their dinner, I think it was gentlemanly to ask you and I don't know why you would get offended by being asked.


Edited 1/23/2006 6:21 pm ET by sniffle_sally

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