question about the doc again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
question about the doc again...
17
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 2:27pm

Hey... I have a new question now.. :(

So on Wednesday (our third date) he asked me if I am free this weekend. My ex was going to come and visit me since I just moved to the area, and he lives 4 hours driving distance away. He planned to visit me since 2 months ago... there were some unclear issues and at that time we were talking about the possibility of getting back together. So I told the doc that I have a friend coming to visit so I am all booked (he knows it's a male friend...) He said that's too bad 'cause he was really looking forward to spending the weekend with me. We planned a date for Tuesday instead.

On Friday my ex decided not to come (long story... he has a deadline, and I think also because I told him that I am seeing this guy now and hinted that perhaps it's not appropriate for him to come now). The minute I found out, I called the doc excitedly (because I saw signs that I've finally moved on, and that i thought I get to spend time with the doc) and left a message saying that my "friend" cancelled so my weekend frees up now. I asked him if he's still available this weekend and still wants to hang out. He hasn't called me back... I IMed him last night (just asking if he was there?) and also called him this morning... no one answered.

I was confused... I thought that he wanted to spend time with me. But after talking to two male friends of mine, they both said that it's likely that he's upset with me right now because men are not stupid, and they can sense it if it's your ex that you're seeing... I suppose that's right... if it was just a regular male friend, I would've invited him to join our weekend activities. :( And secondly I probably made him feel that he's just my "backup" plan. But it's not the case at all! I was actually dreading the idea about my ex visiting, and was happy to hear he decided not to come! Of course the doc doesn't know about this...

What do you think? Did I handle the situation terribly? What should I do now? Thanks!

Jess

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 3:10pm

Uh..."upset with you"? Over what? You're not exclusive, what does he have to be "upset" about? No offense but I think your friends are out to lunch on that (or if they are right, then who needs a guy who thinks like that!).

He probably just made other plans in the interim. I know I would have.

Why not call the other guy you've been seeing and see if he is free?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 3:26pm
I actually emailed the other guy, but just mentioned that my friend cancelled without suggesting getting together. He then excitedly emailed me back asking "does it mean your weekend is free now?" He said he planned to go to a friend's party but would like me to join him. I guess it's clear now who is interested and who is not... Well, with the doc I am also a lot more intimate with (with the other one we haven't even kissed yet) so I don't know if he should have different expectations... On the other hand he told me last time that it's ok if I want to continue dating other people, although he's thinking about taking his profile down, and that in the past 3 weeks he's dated only me (but I think it's mostly because of his busy schedule). What bothers me is even if he made alternative plans for this weekend, why didn't he call me back? I would've totally understood that, and that's why I asked in my voicemail if he's still available... I am very confused right now... The signs tell me that he's a player and he doesn't care much about me, but my male friends said that I am the one to blame...? (none of them knows that I met him from online dating though; dunno if that makes any difference?)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 3:27pm

I think you are overanalyzing a little bit.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 4:06pm
My first thought was that he probably already made other plans.....
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 5:07pm

Again, if your friends are right and he's reacting in such a childish fashion (punishing you because you dared to have plans with a male friend who might be an ex--the *nerve* of you, LOL!), is that really a man you want to be with?

I think it's much more likely that he's a player and has moved on to another target for the weekend...I am still of the mind that all that talk of exclusivity and taking his profile down was in order to manipulate you into sleeping with him.

So...are you going to the party with the other guy?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 5:11pm
Yes! :) I should keep my options open now, shouldn't I? LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 5:22pm

If a guy asks us out at the last minute we should decline, but if he isn't there the instant our time free's up he's either insecure or a player?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 5:36pm

No, no, no...you're taking my post out of context. I'm basing my opinion on ALL of the information she's written about this guy and their interaction so far in all of her posts, not just the fact that he's not calling her back about this weekend or that he may have made other plans (I even said a couple posts back that I would have done so also if I'd been in his shoes).

And *I'm* not saying he's insecure...I'm just saying that even IF her friends are right about him being upset at her (which I don't think they are--see my first response in this thread), then does she really want a guy like that?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 5:44pm
Ok, just checking.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 5:54pm

I don't have a problem with him having other plans... but isn't it rude to not return phone calls? I called twice, left a message in the first one asking him about his availability and asking him to give me a call back. It's his cell so he must know that I called the 2nd time too. I also IMed him once. I am not upset about him having alternative plans, but the fact that he's ignoring me, despite of all the things he said to me. I saw him online on Match right now, as we speak. I don't know if I have the wrong expectation that he should've called me back though...?

Jess

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