Question about others' experience

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Question about others' experience
5
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:44am
I would like opinions on the following problems I am experincing with OLD. I have recently decided to dive back in to OLD on Yahoo after being on and off of Match for a about 2 years with little success. In my profile narrative, I talk a little about myself and I also mention that I would like to be friends with someone first and see where that goes. I also have a section where I talk about the characteristics of my match. These are basically my deal breakers. I don't call them deal breakers, but they are all pretty big, such as wanting to get married at some point and have children. I make it clear that I would like to date and be friends with someone who wants to get married someday and have kids. My problem lies in the fact that almost every guy that has contacted me does not want kids or does not really have any of the characteristics I am looking for. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I just having a run of bad luck? My profile is pretty specific. Could it be that people are confused when I say I would like to be friends first? Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:38am

Well, there is nothing wrong with what you are asking for. Of course you want to ease into a long term relationship slowly, develop a healthy friendship before you fall head over heels and do something reckless and yes, you want this to result in marriage and children.

I think men just don't get it. They don't stop to break it down into the steps that you have identified. If they just wanted to be 'friends' they wouldn't need a dating site. But If they admit they want marriage and children, they may get roped into too much too soon by an enthusiastic gal. They can't come right out and SAY they just want sex. Its the whole Mars/Venus thing.

So they default to the shotgun approach---sending a message to every woman with a decent picture. Let the WOMEN do all the work.

I'd say---take the marriage and children stuff off your profile, (BUT NOT off your own priority list) Use OLD to meet guys, date and have fun. HOPE you'll run into your prince with decent values along the way.

And IMHO, Yahoo is a meat market. Can someone recommend a better site?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:34am
I think either people dont READ what you are looking for, or they figure "its worth a shot anyway". eg: I have that i want, "in my match" some one with a college ed, someone over 5' 10", in a certain age range, etc ... yet I get communication from guys ALL the time not in any of those ranges.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:35pm
You may be correct about just taking that off of my profile and just date and have fun. When I was using Match, my profile was similar but a little more vague as to what I was looking for. I dated tons of guys and had fun, but after a while you get a little concerned that by being vague you may be wasting time with guys that will never be compatible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 1:00pm
You're right, there is no way some of these guys did more than skim my profile, if that. Some were way outside of my age range or seemed to be looking for a FWB. I have tried to respond at least with a "no thanks" but there have been so many, like you, I have given up trying to write back to them all. Thanks for your response!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 6:46am
You are scaring them off before they even meet you. Of course you want to get married some day and have kids. They do too but can't see that picture at all until they actually meet "the one". At that point their perspective changes. Up until then the mention of the"M" word is taboo. You might want to change that to simply "love kids". It goes without saying that if you love kids you will probably want some and therefore a partner. This gets the message across. Also, the "friends first" comment. That is also code for "and I won't have sex with you right away". I don't think anyone is confused. Being specific is good. I can't see your profile so I can't tell if you are coming across as controlling or you just want to make sure you have things in common. If you have been on line for two years with no success than there is a problem somewhere. I hope you are on more than one site. I personally find Yahoo Personals the best but to each her own. Have an honest firend review your profile. Good Luck.