Question about the $$
Find a Conversation
Question about the $$
| Sat, 01-21-2006 - 12:00am |
I went on a date with this guy who kept talking about renovating his condo. Over dinner he mentions his cottage in the countryside and owning two cars and two Kayaks and a Canoe... I did not take offense/note of this. Then came the bill time. He leans towards me and asks can I get your dinner? I was shocked. I thought he asked me out so he would pay. Not that I m cheap or anything. I would invite him next time for dinner for sure if there was a next time that is but I was expecting him to pay. So I said ok but felt embarassed and wished I said no and paid my bit. Then he said the reason I asked is that one girl was mad at me that I offered to pay her dinner. I did not know what to say. I mean I did not even want to meet over dinner it was his idea. I would have settled for drinks/coffee. so anyway I m having a weird feeling about him now. He seemed a decent guy at first with some emotional side unlike most of the guys i meet but dunno if there were red flags like being cheap or materialistic? would you make that call if you met soemone like him?
Edited 1/21/2006 9:54 am ET by juliara2003
Edited 1/21/2006 9:54 am ET by juliara2003

Pages
I had a feeling but I would like to see him again b4 I confirm this is the case.
I did not explain the details:
1-I had a happy hour at work just before we went for dinner so I had eatten some munchies and was not hungry enough for dinner
2-I told him I wont eat or I might just get a salad... so he said let us order one of the starters and then will see how it goes. We ordered some duck pattee to share. I had one or two spoonful with bread and he finished the rest.
We were both full by then so we ordered nothing else
when the bill came he asked if he can get my dinner: Hello it was your dinner and I shared it with you!
so this is why for me he did not even invite me for dinner to be able to pay for it!!
I will meet him again next weekend and see how it goes this time. If I get the same feeling again chances are my hunch is true.
Tough crowd.
I think this is why so many men feel like they are damned if they do damned if they don't. The last time he just picked up the check he got reamed out for it, so this time he just politely asks if it's okay and it's like he killed a puppy. Poor guy.
Edited 1/24/2006 7:19 am ET by sniffle_sally
Ok, let me get this straight...
--The guy asked you to dinner even though you obviously weren't really into going with him in the first place, >>I had a happy hour at work just before we went for dinner so I had eatten some munchies and was not hungry enough for dinner<< so you seem mad at him for that to start the night.
--He asked if it would be ok for him to pick up the check and you're offended?? He explained why he asked you... was his reason not good enough?
Here's the deal. You don't like him. You're finding fault and picking him apart over nothing. Stop wasting his time. I'm sure he would appreciate going out with someone who likes him and who wont judge him for being considerate.
I completely disagree with the rest of everyone here. Yes, I would absolutely be offended and assume this guy is a cheapskate.
Men know that if they ask you on a date it is their responsibility to pay. Heck, I am a woman and if I ask somebody to dinner I know that I am footing the bill unless we talk about who is paying beforehand. I am suspect that this guy bragged about all his material assets at first too. What he is saying is that he is very well off and has something to offer a woman, but she is going to need to make some payments up front before she gets the benefits of his riches.
Oh, hon, this man is oh so not generous. Do yourself a a big favor and move on now. He sees that he can get one over on you a mile away. You are exactly the gal he is looking for.
I don't get where you get this. He explained that once he got reamed when he did assume that he was picking up the check so now he politely asks if he can get the check. How is that being a cheapskate?!?! Like SS said, he is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't! This poor guy is probably confused about women since he keeps getting different signals from different women and he just doesn't know what side is up! Any more, a guy CANNOT assume that he is picking up the check becuase there is bound to be some independent woman who is going to ream him up and down and tell him how she can support herself, blah, blah.
He asked to pay the check - so what? I just don't understand how that is so evil based on his comments! I've said it once and I'll say it countless times, men are just as befuddled by this dating game as we are. How can he know the rules when women keep changing them on him?
ITA as well, vexer.
This guy just seems to have been covering his bases 'cuz no matter how accomplished and successful he may be, I doubt he's mastered the art of mind reading.
As far as his going on about his "stuff"...this is usually how many successful men measure their worth and they are very proud if it, as well they should be. It doesn't mean he's a bad guy for talking about it because to most men, it's who they are.
To the OP: It sounds like you were hesitant about the guy from the get-go for whatever reason, he just didn't click for you so it seems you had a negative perspective already going into this. No big deal. He's not for you. Move on.
Michele
OK, I read all the replies before posting this time. While I don't totally agree with Chamey on this one, I tend to agree more with her than some of the others. If the guy ASKS you to dinner and you accept, I would assume that the guy is going to pick up the tab. I think there are few women who would actually throw a fit about the guy paying the tab. If they do, then they are being rude and inconsiderate.
If I put myself in this situation, I would be quite taken aback if the guy asked me if he could pay for my meal when it was HE who did the asking. I wouldn't be thinking he was being considerate but only giving me an "opportunity" to pay up if I was so inclined. I think he should have just picked up the check without asking and not assume that you might be offended by this. The odds of you being offended because he asked at all are much greater, in my mind, than being offended that he just paid the check no questions asked.
There is a difference between talking about your successes in life and boorish bragging. I suspect that the bulk of his conversation came off as materialistic and mercenary. Add that to the tacky remark about paying for the meal, and I can understand totally why you would see a red flag here. He could be a great guy, but going on what you've said, I would be feeling awkward about it too.
Men know the rules. Go to any dating message board where there are men and they will tell you over and over and over again, on a first date a man pays. There is no confusion. This guy was just trying to see whether he could get this lady to fork over some money.
I don't care what his excuse was, if some previous date had acted inappropriately in the past then that was the previous date's problem and had nothing to do with what was going on with this poster.
You wait, on the next date this guy will ask her again to pick up the tab and then expect sex too. There is a point where you DON'T give a man a benefit of the doubt.
Pages