Question about the $$

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Question about the $$
27
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 12:00am
I went on a date with this guy who kept talking about renovating his condo. Over dinner he mentions his cottage in the countryside and owning two cars and two Kayaks and a Canoe... I did not take offense/note of this. Then came the bill time. He leans towards me and asks can I get your dinner? I was shocked. I thought he asked me out so he would pay. Not that I m cheap or anything. I would invite him next time for dinner for sure if there was a next time that is but I was expecting him to pay. So I said ok but felt embarassed and wished I said no and paid my bit. Then he said the reason I asked is that one girl was mad at me that I offered to pay her dinner. I did not know what to say. I mean I did not even want to meet over dinner it was his idea. I would have settled for drinks/coffee. so anyway I m having a weird feeling about him now. He seemed a decent guy at first with some emotional side unlike most of the guys i meet but dunno if there were red flags like being cheap or materialistic? would you make that call if you met soemone like him?


Edited 1/21/2006 9:54 am ET by juliara2003

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 9:43pm
Wait, wait... how do you jump from his asking to him wanting sex and wanting her to pay? Come on now, isn't that a bit over the top?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 10:43pm

I thought I clarified the situation. Guys he paid for his dinner! not for mine. usually I dont talk about this stuff but I m put in position I have to tell.
As I said he ordered a "Duck pate" it comes with a big basket of fresh bread. I had Pate with 2 or 3 slices of bread and did not like it much plus I was not hungry so he ate most of the plate and then he said he is too full to order more.
When the bill came in, I did not bother to offer kuz I did not think I HAD DINNER. I mean even if I was to pay it would have been too awkward to split half the Pate price! we are talking about $20 including my 3 diet coke drinks which I had while he was eating!!
so when he leaned and asked "Can I get your dinner?" I did not understand at first. I thought he was asking if I want to go somewhere else for dinner! :) so when he repeated only then I realised what he meant! I said ok but just a minute after I felt so offended and wished I offered to pay for the whole thing and let him disappear.
Now I feel obliged to invite him for a dinner just to pay back for "MY DINNER" that was so expensive...

last time I went on 3 dates with the guy (whose mom died last week) and he was always volunteering to pay and would never allow me to even try. On our fourth date I asked him out for dinner and we went to a very expensive restaurant. I ended up paying as much as he paid on the three past dates. so I m not someone who cares about money but I cant be around cheap people. This guy has raised a red flag. For some people being generous is not as important maybe but for me it is the first thing I look at after chemistry. I cant stand cheap people. or even someone who worries about spending especially if they are well-off.

And no the dinner guy is not interested in sex. I can tell he is looking to settle nad is trying to impress with his money. It happens to me all the time, I say in my profile that I like Fine Dining maybe this gets misinterpreted as a gold digger!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 4:27am
We are beating a dead horse here. I don't think the guy did anything wrong and now I'm confused as whether you paid or not. It doesn't matter because the story is so menial. Aren't there more important things to be upset about? If you don't like the guy, don't go out with him again. Simple!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 9:08am

Juliara, you are not obliged to do anything. Let this guy go, he basically asked you to pay for his the pate that he ate.

Next time this happens I want you to do what I do (and this kind of crap happens to me on occasion). Always bring your credit card. When a man asks whether you want to chip in for a first date, insist on paying the whole check. Tell him that you are so delighted to be with him that you are going to pay for the whole meal. He'll think you are the ideal woman and be thrilled. Of course, when you immediately complain that you have a headache and most go home immediately afterwards he might get an inkling things between the two of you are completely irrevocably over.

A guy did this to me about 4 years ago. He spent the meal the same way, telling me about the two homes, two trucks and two planes he owned. When the check came he pulled out his calculator and told me I owed $14.85. I insisted on paying the whole tab and and still have the receipt, I look at it when I want a good laugh. I ended that date when it was still daylight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 9:53am

OK, now I am even more down on the guy since you actually had NO meal and only a small portion of what he ate. Upon further thinking, I might have said something to indicate that you didn't actuallly have a meal and was he hinting that you pay for HIS meal? I think I would have ended up being more angry than anything if the guy had the gall to even mention $ to you. That, along with his bragging, would nix any future plans for me with the guy.

I also detest cheap people. I have no problem cooking for a guy or even taking him out to dinner once we are seeing each other on a regular basis, but a first-time date is the time for the guy to make the best impression. Picking up the tab is the "logical" assumption, and to make any kind of excuse for mentioning money (past bad dates included) is totally unacceptable.

I will also say that while it might seem like beating a dead horse on this issue, as long as people have thoughts and questions about it, we can all learn something here. You never know when you're going to run into someone who might behave like someone else's bad date experience. Just when you think the most bizarre could never happen, then you hear another horror story. :0

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 10:32am

"You wait, on the next date this guy will ask her again to pick up the tab and then expect sex too."

lol What?!?! How did you come up with that conclusion? I'm starting to feel bad for these guys. None of them stand a chance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 11:34am
Because some men out there feel that they shouldn't have to pay for a date yet still want sex. This guy sounds like one of them, he was testing this lady to see how far he could push her. Things aren't going to improve on date #2.

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