Question on (in)consideration
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| Thu, 02-17-2005 - 12:15pm |
OK, I gave one of the new guys from Matchmaker my #. I am not incredibly overwhelmed by him, but he is attractive and attentive so I figured why not. He said he would call me yesterday and I went to a movie last night so I didn't take my phone but I got home and no mesage - no biggie. I am coming down with some crud so I went to bed early (for me) by around 11-11:30. I check my voicemail today and he called last night at 11:30! I'm sorry - but is it just me or is it rude and inconsiderate to call someone you don't even know at 11:30 PM? Luckily, my phone was in the other room and it didn't bother me or wake me up (and of course you all know my habit of not hearing my phone) but this just strikes me as pretty thoughtless.
Since I wasn't all that into him and now this, I debate calling back. Any thoughts?

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>>but to me, calling a stranger that late without permission is just TOO far outside the bounds of normal, acceptable behavior to consider doing so if I were in Vex's shoes. I mean, who DOES that????<<
Sheri... You're kind of making the point that there are extremes in human behavior and what is considered acceptable. :)
See, I think that for each person who thinks like you, there is another person who is sitting out there who is just as awestruck that anyone would think calling at that hour would be a bad thing. To them, it's perfectly normal- who DOESN'T stay up to at least midnight? (At least that's what they're saying to themselves.)
To me, I think this particular infraction doesn't really rise to the level of being a horrible social faux pas. It *is* inconsiderate, but only in the sense that he didn't really think that someone might not want to get called that late, not in the sense of "Oh my God, nobody pees in the punchbowl" inconsiderate.
That's why I think his reaction to Vex telling him he called too late is very important. If he says "oh my gosh, I'm sorry, you're right but I just wanted to call because I said I would", then his motivation is acceptable and good. If he blows it off, then he's a jerk and should be NEXTed immediately. :)
You know, when I saw this yesterday, I was going to respond immediately, but thought I'd see where the cards fell among you guys. Am glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks like NGOL and that "this particular infraction doesn't really rise to the level of being a horrible social faux pas."
There are some solid reasons to say "next." "He called me at 11:30pm" is not one of them. We've got to give SOME of them a chance....!!!!
Tracy
Well, if you read the other thread I started today - something like "Sent an email-NEXT" you can see that under the persuasion of the folks out here, I gave him another chance and sent an email telling him (politely) that 11:30 was too late to call. Then I answered the questions in his previous email. He sent a condescending reply stating that I "must not have listened to his message" and did not apologize. If the calling a perfect stranger at 11:30 wasn't enough, I think the response is. Especially for a guy that I wasn't all that jazzed about in the first place. It is too much work to put into a person that I do not feel a connection with.
I am giving SOME of them a chance. I have been talking on the phone with one guy for a couple days. Two others I am still in email communciation with and one hadn't emailed me for several days but I responded to his email. I have gotten several winks and responded to the ones of them I could see any remote possibility of being interested in. I am just learning my lesson after I spent all that time playing phone tag with that one guy and he turned out to look like Tim Russert (which from his pictures was NOT what I am expecting). I think I have the right to be at least a little selective if someone does something I feel is out of line. Sadly enough, I am more willing to give them a second chance if I am feeling a stronger attraction. But the attraction comes more from their sense of humor an the things they have said to me in the past than from looks. This guy was really hot, but he wasn't doing it for me in many ways. Why prolong it?
Ok, to each his or her own...but I would bet you a LARGE sum of money that the proportion of people who think that this is a really bad faux pas to those who don't is MUCH larger than 50/50!
To me, it's right up there with being at a place like Morton's and picking up the steak with your bare hands!!! Actually, this is worse, because that doesn't show total lack of respect or consideration for the other person, and this does...
Sheri
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