Question of The Week???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Question of The Week???
8
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 3:19pm
Interestingly enough, I wandered onto one of those dating sites, and was thumbing through the ads. My question for all of you is this.....how true to the original ad do you think people really are?

I mean, there are some I found to be rather endearing, and some I could tell were just plain dumb and looking for action. For this one I found had a nice photo and in his wants in a woman, he typed: "If you are looking for your soulmate, please do not reply, since looking for love in desperation is never an attractive quality."

Well, I just dont know how I feel about that, but I wonder how many of us are looking for our soul mates on line? Not me, naturally, for I believe I have many and I am just not ready to settle for one. lol

So, how truthful are these ads ya think? Have you ever lied on an ad or any description of yourself?(say, your weight, or age?) Also, just for my benefit, is there anyway to tell right away the losers or liars on these websites?


Gail:)

P.S. I think some of the more uneducated ones, get someone else to fill out their info and then when you talk to them or email them, you can see the grammer errors and it doesnt seem fair play. Just my opinion. It is like getting someone to do your resume for you, I think. lol


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 6:15pm
I take all the ads with a large grain of salt - I just used them to screen for ads consistent with my goals - I looked for overly wordy/lofty sayings; sexual comments, etc. I never believed that someone who said he was compassionate was, or someone who said that he was spiritually evolved, was - and if he went on and on with the new agey psychobabble I got a negative impression. I also don't put much stock in pictures.

I gave my correct age, height and weight (I erred on the side of adding 2-3 pounds since I can vary by 2 pounds or so, but I look thinner than my weight).

I also took the emails and the instant messages (never got into IM'ing more than a few times, anyway) with a huge grain of salt - to me you must - must - meet the person in person to get the whole picture - who was to know that the lovely Phd scientist who was so warm on the phone would sit there with his hand over his mouth the whole time, taking it off just to say "anyway" whenever I finished a sentence - no way to tell that by phone - or the man whose hands shook so much (probably stealing prescription drugs as a doctor) he could not stir his tea, or the man who leaned in over the table taking up my personal space - you could never know that based on typing and talking but these were deal breakers for me, of course - or the man who referred to our waiter as "amigo" and spoke in broken spanish at a place I regularly go to - when the man was not spanish - ads, emails, phone conversations - good for screening out the weirdos, the perverts, the socially clueless, the hopelessly shy and insecure - but for me had no relevance to whether we would click in person - and had almost nothing to do with physical looks.

Good question!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 8:22pm
I agree with Deena on this one - I take those ads with a grain of salt as well. I did the online dating thing for a while, but realized that the guys you meet through there are definitely interested in making themselves out to be as positive as possible. While that makes sense, I guess, the ones I met never turned out that way in person. It is a very goal-oriented process and that can definitely encourage dishonesty or embellishment.

I think I posted one ad, without a picture though, and was very honest about everything. I wanted to screen out the guys that would be intimidated by an education or a brain or an opinion before getting to the restaurant and wasting lots of energy.

That's why I think Kelly and I have turned out so well. Neither of us had a relationship in mind when we started talking, so we were brutally honest about everything. In fact, some of our conversations were almost exercises in trying to push each other away. So when we finally met, there were no surprises and we were exactly what each other expected.

-Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 7:14am
Tstststs, Gail what are you doing on the dating sites, hm? Fooling around with the boys, playing with their feelings or just gaining information for your official role as a board host? ;-)

Well, I agree in not taking everything what is written there for granted but nevertheless for me it is still a great place to meet especially over a bigger distance. Services like that have made the world smaller and brought people closer together.

I always prefered to tell the truth about me because I was really interested in getting to know somebody and to meet in person finally. In my opinion it makes no sense to lie and get to know somebody who likes the fake and then has to find out that what he liked is not existing. Of course I have learned that not everybody out there has the same principles and so they have to be filtered. Over the time I read wonderful profiles where the man behind turned out as a complete idiot and also very short profiles where the real person was much more outgoing than it appeared.

A profile is always just a starting point like a resume when you want to hire someone or an exposé when you want to buy a house. You can search for what you want and when you find "candiates" who match your expectations you have to check them out and get more information if they really are what they appear to be. Like talking to them via email as a first interview, talking to them on the phone as a second and meeting in person as the final round.

I just had one really bad experience where a guy lied about nearly everything he had in his profile and I saw the red flags too late but most of the time it has been fun and I am very thankful for this modern way to communicate. I have never been a bar or disco type and for me it has been the perfect way to find the perfect guy. We both have been honest in both, our online profiles and from the beginning when we started talking and I think because of that our steps have always been successful by now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 7:21am
Oh Deena, I love the descriptions of the men you shared! Seems that some of them have twin brothers in Germany. Or are men really that simple and can be categorized easily even if they come from different continents?

If I ever decide to really write my book about the different sites and the men that can be found there, can I come back to you!? Will need more experiences than just mine for the chapter "Dream dates and how they turned into nightmares"

Wonderful post!

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 9:47am
Oh, NIcole...now you know a girl has to keep her options open at all times. Just cause I do not want to be with Mark, doesnt mean I dont want to date. I do. I just dont want any strings with it. Just go out and have fun. No committment. Just pure honest fun. I just like the options is all. Freedom of mind and freedom of heart. I know it is a switch for me, but I am really enjoying being single. lol

And...I wanted to get the discussion going on the board too, yes. lol SO, its not really what I have been doing, but I may try it if I get some good information from you all. giggles.


Gail;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 2:31pm
Hi Gail,

Here are my 2 cents on this thread. ;o)

I certainly take all online personal ads with a grain of salt. Until I've met them in person and have dated for awhile can I tell if they were honest or not. So far the guys I have met in person were true to their profiles as far as I could tell. One thing you can't post in a profile is the sort of chemistry 2 people will ultimately feel with each other.

Personally I don't know if I believe in "soulmates" perse, but I am looking for a long-term, "husband" material. I'm tired of dating and would love to settle down and start growing old with someone. But it has to be the *right* someone. I won't "settle" for someone who's only sort-of right. I know no one will ever be 100% perfect but I know what things I'm flexible on and others that I'm not (like intelligence .. sorry but guys with IQs below 100 and only a 4th grade education need not reply! LOL).

Of course not everyone is looking for long-term relationships - sort of what I liked about Lavalife.com which I recently tried - they break it down by "Just dating", "Relationship" or "Intimate Encounters" and you can hook up with people looking for the same type of thing you are.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. ;o)

Gabi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 2:38pm
Thanks for the take on things and the information. I will consider it all before jumping in head first. giggles. Kidding ofcourse! lol Thanks again all!


Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 9:22pm
Can never tell an ad or profile is true or not until you have talked to them for a while. The ad may look appealing but once you get to the person it may sound like different.

I have not put an ad in any of the dating sites, but if ever i will i'll definitely put all my correct info there, what's the use of faking a profile it's just a waist of time for me. Some fake it hoping to make fun or just fool someone, i don't think its right.

Hmmm 'soulmate', how can we tell or describe one? Is it the chemistry each one has for each other, the sense of compatibility, or is it ones intutition that says he is the 'one'? i wanna know.

~jen