A question....(m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
A question....(m)
6
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 6:21pm

Hi,

Really would like to get your opinion, if you want to give it. And I know this is a bad time seeing there is mischief afoot here....but I can take it. LOL. I know I am supposed to be "getting myself together". The real separation takes place next weekend. I am doing okay. It was my idea. I am okay with my decision. I am still feeing very vulnerable and weak....still far from at my best. I really crave any kind of male companionship though. It's *very* difficult. I have been thinking about just contacting some guys who may not be my *first* choice to contact or to have contact me on OLD, but they are people who are somewhat attractive to me and have "email" and "friends" listed as possible options for relationships. Really. Just to chat. What do you think????

Sara

 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: saralm
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 6:57pm

I think focusing on things like volunteer opportunities and interest groups IRL to make friends and acquaintances would be a better bet for you at this time.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: saralm
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:24pm

I don't think it would take the place of talking to a man when one needs/wants that....but I see your point...they are good things to do. ;) Thank you.

Sara

 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: saralm
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:29pm

Not sure why you wouldn't have the opportunity to meet men to talk to doing these things?

I just think that in the super-charged emotional duration and aftermath of a separation (BTDT) it's best to focus on doing activities that enhance your life in addition to allowing you to meet people (as opposed to OLD which only does the latter).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
In reply to: saralm
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:38pm

Sara - Having gone through a separation and divorce myself, I can tell you that this is a period in your life best spent focusing on yourself. Family and female friends can give you a ton of support. Developing new interests, hobbies, etc. is also a good thing. Try to get back on your feet emotionally, financially, etc. and figure out what you want and don't want for yourself going forward before introducing new male friends (or even old ones from the past). I know, right now, you're just looking for a male friendship and the support that brings, BUT when you are vulnerable as you no doubt are right now, you can easily find yourself in another relationship before you've had the chance to grieve the one you're ending. Just my 2 cents... Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: saralm
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:39pm

Yes, it is true- I might meet men there. You never know. And yes, I do know what you are saying. I am just soooooooooooo...well, you know. haha.

Sara

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: saralm
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 8:17pm

You are sooo right, Debbie. I just don't know what to do with myself. I guess I am one of those women who just wants to be with a man.... And I am just feeling very needy in that regard right now. I haven't had a *real* marriage for quite some time. I have to get ahold of myself. Thanks. It helps to vent.

Sara