QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS
9
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 3:19pm
I am brand new here and am really glad that I have this Board!

I have been doing the online dating thing for a little over two months. I have corresponded with maybe 20 guys for more than 2 or 3 emails, have met 3 to date.... Generally, I am corresponding with 3-6 at any given time... But I am really curious about others' experiences, such as:

-- How many correspondents do you generally have at one time?

-- How many different sites do you use?

-- Do you offer your phone number, wait until they ask? Home? Cell? Work?

-- How "personal" do you get-- like not about where you live and other safety concerns etc.-- but more about your feelings on things etc.?

-- Do you ever suggest a meeting or wait until they bring it up?

THANKS!! I just got one of my friends to start doing it, but other than that I have no other friends whom I can trade perspectives with!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 3:38pm
Hi there, I am new (again) to the online thing-did a bit about six months ago, decided to change my perspective and try again! I've been doing this now 3 weeks, and here are my perspectives...


-- How many correspondents do you generally have at one time? Usually I am emailing no more than 4 guys at a time. But note that I am not a big fan of emailing relationships, or IMing. I generally only exchange emails 4 times, and if theres no spark or he hasn't given me his # or asked for mine by then, its delete/next time for me.

-- How many different sites do you use? One right now.

-- Do you offer your phone number, wait until they ask? Home? Cell? Work? I wait for them to ask, or send me theirs. I give my cell phone only until I have met him and like him in person.

-- How "personal" do you get-- like not about where you live and other safety concerns etc.-- but more about your feelings on things etc.? This is just me-I give out general life stuff (where I am from, what I do for work, what I like to do in spare time) and leave out details in emails (what my last name is, where I work, where I like to go running, etc). That is stuff you can talk about later, and on dates when you feel more comfortablt.

-- Do you ever suggest a meeting or wait until they bring it up? Nope. Either they do by email 4 or I just pass. I want to meet people and date, and don't want to spend lots of time emailing. That's just me though.

Again, these are my thoughts and what works for me. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 3:54pm
Welcome to our board and please feel free to post often and jump where you feel you need to!! Love having you all!!!

OK, personally, I have not had the funds for the websites, but I will use them occasionally. There were never any real matches for me there, and I have had better luck in chat rooms it seems. Not sure why. The way I approach it is, im a few times or a few days to get an idea of who you are dealing with. Email works well too! Then, maybe get the man's number only if you feel there is real potential. Wasted time is a no-no in my book. SO, I make sure they are worth it. If the emails, ims, or phone calls goes straight to sex or talking about how big my boobs are, then they are off the list. I talk to and date as many as 3 men at a time and sometimes more, depending on my time frame.

Now, for the time being I have been seeing one guy I met off americansingles.com. It is one of the free websites for dating. Not sure if you would like to check it out, but it worked for me. We are going on her 3rd weekend date. I guess we have been on atleast 6 dates if you consider each day a date. We saw each other the first Saturday, that night...and then the Sunday. Then, the following Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday night. SO, I suppose this is date 6 or 7? lol Anywho. Things are going well and I gauged my feelings and openess to how I felt about the situation once we met. WE had chemistry over the phone the first week, we talked. Then, the day we met, there was more. Then, it has grown ever since. We are both single parents, and have lots in common. He only lives 20 mins from me. SO, we are going good for now.

SO, I am still keeping my options open as always and have poked my head in and out of the chat rooms and ever some of the other websites. Always open for dating. SO, I like this guy I am seeing alot, but not putting all my eggs in one basket, just yet.

So, email or im, a few times, up to a week if need be, phone call, get his number, a few calls not long, meet and see what happens from there. the one thing that is most important is being honest. If you do not see anything happening with you and someone on your first meeting, well say so. Beating around the bush is wasted time. Again, I hate wasted time. lol

Goodluck and stick around, we have lots of fun here!!

Gail:)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 3:57pm
I've done lots of online dating and here are my thoughts:

-- How many correspondents do you generally have at one time?

It really varies. It can be as few as one or two or as many as 10-12.

-- How many different sites do you use?

Two.

-- Do you offer your phone number, wait until they ask? Home? Cell? Work?

I generally wait until they ask or offer theirs, and give them my cell phone number.

-- How "personal" do you get-- like not about where you live and other safety concerns etc.-- but more about your feelings on things etc.?

Not personal at all...that's for *after* you meet in person! I generally exchange no more than a handful of emails before meeting in person.

-- Do you ever suggest a meeting or wait until they bring it up?

If a guy hasn't suggested a meeting after we've emailed 2-3 times, I will say something like, "I prefer to get to know someone in person rather than by email. If you'd like to get together for coffee, let me know." Then I let him run with the ball from there; if he doesn't, I stop responding to his emails.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 4:03pm
Hey welcome to the board.

-- How many correspondents do you generally have at one time?

**As many as I can handle. If work is really busy not many but during slow time I've met someone about everynight of the week. Were those the good ol days, lol.

-- How many different sites do you use?

**I have my ad on so many sites it is to many to count... I have them all to notify me when I get a message but I have been off the dating scene for a while but still browse.

-- Do you offer your phone number, wait until they ask? Home? Cell? Work?

**Rarely, depends on how the correspondence goes if I offer first.

-- How "personal" do you get-- like not about where you live and other safety concerns etc.-- but more about your feelings on things etc.?

**Well, I have a child and usually say up front that I do not give out much about where I live because they will not be coming there. It is my sons home and not for their entertainment.

-- Do you ever suggest a meeting or wait until they bring it up?

**This also depends. I am very outspoken so sometimes I can tell a guy who is really reserved and just unsure of asking and I'll ask.


Again, welcome and I am sure you'll get lengthier responses as I tried not to get to detailed on what I do because I see what you've been doing seems fine and plus you've met 20 or so guys. Just finding the right one is where problems begin, lol...

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 9:42pm
Hi invinoveritas! I've been doing online dating now for about 3 months (met my last LTR online 3 years ago) so I know it can be a great way to meet people.

-- How many correspondents do you generally have at one time?

It depends. As little as a couple to as many as a dozen. After that, I can't remember who is who.

-- How many different sites do you use?

1-2.

-- Do you offer your phone number, wait until they ask? Home? Cell? Work?

I never offer my number. If a man is interested he will give me his number and I will call him from my cell phone. If it goes well, I will leave my cell number, but never home or work.

-- How "personal" do you get-- like not about where you live and other safety concerns etc.-- but more about your feelings on things etc.?

Not very personal. I just discuss basic details and mention I do not IM and do not like emailing, I'd rather meet for a cup of coffee and see how it goes.

-- Do you ever suggest a meeting or wait until they bring it up?

I have suggested a phone call a few times, but usually the guy asks to talk to me or meet me. I don't email more than 4 times at most without knowing the next step is talking on the phone so if he isn't asking, I move on.

Summer

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:28pm
Summmer, great post. I agree with alot of your techniques. I am the same way about the phone call, I always call and if I feel comfortable or have found out enough information to feel confident, then I give out my phone number. Then, it is meet and see how the rest really goes.


Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 11:34am
WOW! I have been a real patsy compared to you guys!! I tend to just let things go on whatever course they may, no timelines etc..... Part of that may have to do with the fact that I like exchanging emails-- I think it really tells you a lot about the person. I also like that I can respond etc. on my own time, rather than rushing all over the place to meet guys for coffee or whatever when a few more emails would have made me realize-- no thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 12:21am
How many correspondents do you generally have at one time? there is no limit

-- How many different sites do you use? I used two-three

-- Do you offer your phone number, wait until they ask? Home? Cell? Work? I ask for theirs and only offer mine afer we speak

-- How "personal" do you get-- like not about where you live and other safety concerns etc.-- but more about your feelings on things etc.? I have a brief conversation on the phone, and two emails or so before we meet for coffee - I typically don't talk too much about feelings, etc on the first phone call or the first meeting - there is plenty of itme for that - of course there are exceptions.

-- Do you ever suggest a meeting or wait until they bring it up? typically wait unless it is obvious and I want to or need to end the phone call.

I met about 35 men in person out of hundreds I had contact with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 8:39am
Hi!

I am just back to the online dating thing, but had done it in the past, so here is what i think/do:

Corresponents->As many as i want. If it gets to be too many, I sometimes forget whom they are.

#of Sites-> 1...but i may try americansingles as Gail suggested. I have had problems w/ match.com-pleas refer to my post.

Phone #-> I never suggest it. If they give me theirs, fine. I think they usually do. I will give my cell # initially.

Personal Info-> Not very much. Never my last name or exactly where I live.

# of emails before a meeting->Only a few..I would rather speak to someone, I can get a better feel. If after the 3rd phone call he does not suggest a meeting, I move on. Or I will say, I can have phone relationship/friendship if you want, but it will never transfer into real life. I think you can go on for ever w/ emails, calls etc. And I never suggest a meeting.