Questions vs. Interrogations

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Questions vs. Interrogations
8
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 2:14pm

At what point can questions of curiosity make someone else (man or woman) feel that they're being interrogated?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 2:19pm

The way I look at it is, answers to questions should give birth to conversation not more and more questions.

On a first meet once, the fellow seemed to have question after question and I really felt I was on an interview. He was underwhelmed by my answers. I could have done better to impress but he annoyed me and I became a wee bit churlish. :)

I felt that his questions were more important than any answers I would give. That's interrogation for you.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 2:27pm

So what do you personally do if after you ask a question, the person's answers leaves you wanting more? :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 2:31pm

First, talk about something to address an answer. This way the person feels s/he is being listened to, which is what everyone wants, right? Asking more questions is then a good thing, because you are showing your interest.

Also, remember to give interviewees -- oops, I mean your dates -- a break from questions every once in a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 6:09pm

Hmm...that's a tough call, because asking lots of questions can show you're really interested in the person. I tend to ask a lot of questions, but that's usually to get the conversation going, or because their answer gave me reason too.

I think it goes over the line when the person no longer wants to answer, and the other person keeps pushing. That gets really annoying real quick, and you definitely feel like you're in the interrogation room! Even worse is when they don't answer your questions!

Alyssa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 6:27pm

You should be asking questions, but also answering them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 8:52pm

I agree with Amjay. I notice when my dates become more like an "interview process" it's not the "right chemistry" when it's more natural we tend to just click and talk about a number of topics, a few Q and A's but the more heavy "Q and A" dates are the ones where we really don't click that well hence we fill that void with a lot of questions to find some sort of common ground. Just my two cents....however I have never felt interogated or been told that by anyone...good question though!!

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sun, 10-02-2005 - 11:24am
I definitely agree with both amjay and Jennie. It's about incorporating Q & A into conversation and keeping it all balanced. Depending on who you're with it can all be easy and natural, not seeming to be Q & A at all, or it can seem like torture;P I'm constantly working at my conversational/date skills. I just try to be a really good listener. I try to process a response to my question and use it as fuel to a conversation, just as I try to answer questions conversationally, injecting little stories and anecdotes without droning.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 8:38pm
I would pay attention to verbal and non-verbal signals....if the person is comfortable and interested in the way the conversation is going, it's probably fine. If it isn't, most people will exude some kind of signal. If I'm not sure, I back off a little & see where it goes from there.