A quick story...
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| Thu, 08-11-2005 - 11:28am |
...about OLD.
One day last week a young guy that I work with asks me to pull up Match.com on the Internet. I had no idea anyone else in the office is doing OLD. Anyway, he shows me a profile of this woman who is 30 years old, and who contacted him (he's about 24). He said they had already had a great date and he really liked her. As I scanned her profile, I though "How did I ever miss this one?". She did seem really great, at least on paper and from her pictures. He tells me they have another date planned for the weekend.
So, this last Monday I ask him about their date and he says it didn't go well -- he cancelled at the last minute to go out with his guy friends, and she got pretty upset. He doesn't know I do OLD (at least I don't think so), and I decide I'm going to contact this woman.
I unhide my profile just to send her a wink. My Match and Yahoo profiles are both hidden and I am not currently paying on either site. Well, she reponds pretty quickly to the wink, with an email saying something along the lines of:
"Thanks for winking at me. You seem like a really great guy, however, I don't think we are a match. I just don't think I can get over the 'Erotica' thing. Sorry, that's really just not my thing".
She was obviously referring to the section called "Turn Ons" in Match where you can choose from a lot of different stuff like "Thunderstorms", "Candles", etc. I do have "Erotica" listed. I have never had anyone have any problem whatsoever with anything in that section. I just found it kinda amusing -- it was probably a way for her to just say "not interested". What do ya'll think? I mean, surely she comes across guy profiles that have "erotica" listed in Turn Ons all the time. Anyway, what would her definition of that be? I've seen lots of women with that listed as a TO. It could mean you like semi-nude pictures, or nude art, or many different things. She just made it sound like I was some sleazy perv by including that.
Anyway, I'm not gonna change it.. :).
Eric

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Don't change it, Eric, especially based on that one person. Frankly, I doubt you're missing much. It's her loss.
I have to admit, that always gives me pause in a profile...NOT because I have a problem with a guy liking Erotica (which covers a WIDE range, and not all of it is pornographic), but because it's a reference to sex, which I don't think is appropriate in a profile, at least not for someone who's looking for more than a hook-up.
Sheri
Eric,
I wouldn't worry about it in the least. A couple of weeks ago I sent out 4 e-mails and 7 winks and all I got out of it was 2 rejects and 9 non-responses. Perhaps the gal you e-mailed is not into erotica and that's why your friend struck out?
John
Maybe she had a bad experience with someone who liked erotica and pushed it on her or something? I would not be put off by your having that clicked in your turn on section :)
LOL at the 24 year old cancelling to go out with his guy friends. Why did he make the date in the first place? If he wants to go out with your guy friends all the time, he can just do that and skip OLD until he's ready for it. But maybe it would work better next time, keep tabs on when he does something dumb and messes up a perfectly good connection with a nice girl, and then you go wink at the girl and see what happens.
Hi Eric,
I see Erotica listed all the time on profiles and never give it a second thought. The fact that she felt that was a dealbreaker (and was compelled to email you and tell you that) in what I'm gonna assume is an otherwise great profile...well she sounds pretty uptight. Maybe that's why your young co-worker chose his friends over her in the end. I'd be curious to know if they go on another date.
Chele
Just to clarify further...I don't consider myself uptight either...but to me, the profile should be composed of things that you'd feel comfortable saying to someone the first time you met them at, say, a cocktail party. To me, putting erotica as a turn-on (or any other reference to sex, for that matter) is like going up to strangers and saying, "hi my name is Tom and I like erotica!" It's just not appropriate ;-)!
There's a time and place for sharing that information, and your profile isn't one of them, IMO, *unless* of course you are looking primarily for a hook-up.
Sheri
I can see the point. And frankly, until this happened, I never even gave that section a second thought. I guess I never considered that a woman might "disqualify" me as a prospect because of that one word. However, I am now finding out that more women might have overlooked my profile in the past because of that.
I don't know Sheri -- I mean, it's not like I typed that into my profile. It's actually a selection of words that can be chosen from. I guess I just did it out of wanting to be honest. I was going through that last section, and I do consider erotica a turn-on. I figured, might as well be up front about it. After all, every bit of my profile other than that word is not sexual in the least bit -- it's just stuff about me. I would think a guy who was into hooking up might have at least one other sex reference in his profile, and likely many more, in the main text even.
Eric
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