A quick story...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
A quick story...
29
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 11:28am

...about OLD.

One day last week a young guy that I work with asks me to pull up Match.com on the Internet. I had no idea anyone else in the office is doing OLD. Anyway, he shows me a profile of this woman who is 30 years old, and who contacted him (he's about 24). He said they had already had a great date and he really liked her. As I scanned her profile, I though "How did I ever miss this one?". She did seem really great, at least on paper and from her pictures. He tells me they have another date planned for the weekend.

So, this last Monday I ask him about their date and he says it didn't go well -- he cancelled at the last minute to go out with his guy friends, and she got pretty upset. He doesn't know I do OLD (at least I don't think so), and I decide I'm going to contact this woman.

I unhide my profile just to send her a wink. My Match and Yahoo profiles are both hidden and I am not currently paying on either site. Well, she reponds pretty quickly to the wink, with an email saying something along the lines of:

"Thanks for winking at me. You seem like a really great guy, however, I don't think we are a match. I just don't think I can get over the 'Erotica' thing. Sorry, that's really just not my thing".

She was obviously referring to the section called "Turn Ons" in Match where you can choose from a lot of different stuff like "Thunderstorms", "Candles", etc. I do have "Erotica" listed. I have never had anyone have any problem whatsoever with anything in that section. I just found it kinda amusing -- it was probably a way for her to just say "not interested". What do ya'll think? I mean, surely she comes across guy profiles that have "erotica" listed in Turn Ons all the time. Anyway, what would her definition of that be? I've seen lots of women with that listed as a TO. It could mean you like semi-nude pictures, or nude art, or many different things. She just made it sound like I was some sleazy perv by including that.

Anyway, I'm not gonna change it.. :).

Eric

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eric_35m
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 2:02pm

Yes, I'm familiar with how match works, thanks ;-). So I do understand what you're saying. But it's a fine line...just because it's THERE doesn't mean you have to say it, and I don't assume that because people HAVEN'T checked something on that list, they are not turned on by it. I think it's a silly section, anyway.

I'm certainly not going to ding someone JUST for that one thing, but it does give me pause, and if I'm on the fence about emailing someone, it might well put me on the other side of it.

But you should do what you feel comfortable with of course ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: eric_35m
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 2:18pm

Hi Eric,

I think the word Erotica conjurs up a lot of things...maybe more than what some women want to see on a profile. Maybe more than what you even meant...or not. Either you keep it there or you don't, but you may be opening up your chances if you remove it. JMHO.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
In reply to: eric_35m
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 2:41pm

Eric, I have it listed in my profile too and never give it a second thought when I see it in a guy's profile. The way I see it, it's a list of multiple answers that only give a brief description of what a person likes and doesn't.

On the other hand if a man makes sexual references in the written part of his profile that's what sends flags up to me, not something that is in a multiple answer box.

If the girl you winked at held that against you, you are better off. I'd be willing to bet that the guys she meets go away saying BBBBRRRR!!!! J/K

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eric_35m
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 2:52pm

I think making the (even joking) assumption that she's frigid because she said that is as bad if not worse than any assumption she might have made about him being a perv.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: eric_35m
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 3:02pm

Eric, you called it correctly. She just wasn't interested. That's how women reject us on OLD when they feel they need to give a reason for a non-match. They pick out one item and run with it.

When I was on MatchMaker they had check-boxes for selecting the preferred height range of your mate. I started my selection (no special reason) at 5'-0". One gal I contacted responded back to me to say we weren't a match because she was only 4'-11" and didn't meet 'my height requirements'. I mean, c'mon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: eric_35m
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 4:08pm
LOL! There is a guy I might email and his height range started at 5'1" and I'm 5'0" I was figuring I could mention I am taller with shoes on, but now I won't say anything.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: eric_35m
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 10:03pm

Erotica means a lot of things (including S&M)and maybe she thought you were a perv...her loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
In reply to: eric_35m
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 8:22am
I totally don't agree with that one. I think it is nothing wrong with saying I have this and that turn-on and let's face it sex or sexuality is a part of a relationship and acting like a non-sexual person until you have been going out x dates or x weeks/months is imo just to much of a "show". I have turn-on's without planning to hook up right away and I would be a lot more freaked out if a potential match puts in his profile what he thinks a woman wants to hear than being honest and saying this turns me on ... just my 2 cents :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
In reply to: eric_35m
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 2:37pm
I think I have erotica checked off and I never thought twice about it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: eric_35m
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 2:47pm

At least she let ya know by responding... :)


But I'm curious: If she had met up with you and you guys did get something going, what would you have told your friend? LOL

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