Re-dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Re-dating
13
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:37am

Have any of you ever dated someone again who you'd dated a long time back?

I had been in a 2 year relationship and joined OLD when my X and I broke up about 1.5 years ago...I was definitely on the rebound at the time although I thought I was 'moving on' by joining OLD. So, I met this guy on match during that rebound time. The guy, Ian, was really great. We had a lot in common and there was mutual interest. He pursued me a lot :) We dated for about a month and had several dates--never even kissed. Right when it would get to that level, I would pretty much pull away and try to slow things down like we were just friends. Well, I was torn because I was still getting over my X. It was a bad situation...I shouldn't have joined OLD so soon (I am completely aware of this and wouldn't repeat the same mistake). I was a mess. My X started calling me again and I drifted off from Ian. It took me about a year to get over my X. It was pretty bad. I had thought about Ian months later and thought I could never contact him again ..I just felt like, if only the timing was better...

So fast forward to now. I move to this new city halfway across the US from home, and am completely ready to get invovled with someone, ready to have a serious relationship (emotionally available) and lo and behold there is Ian on my new more specific dating site (jewish one) and it says he lives HERE where I live now!! I remembered that he is originally from this city and his family lives here. I immediately emailed him through the dating site. He replied and we were all nostalgic and happy to talk to each other again. Well, we talked on the phone that week (this was about a month ago). We talked about getting together but he acted hesitant (understandably). I knew I needed to tell him that I always thought highly of him but I was at no place to be dating after I had just broken up with someone and that my head was in a fog. So, we basically cleared the air about the past. We've chatted here and there, but never made solid plans. I was happy that I cleared things up with him and just thought I'd leave the ball in his court to try or not try to date again.

Well, I talked to him tonight and we set a date for tomorrow night! Wouldn't it be crazy if we totally hit it off!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: chanadevorah
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 8:05am
It would be awesome if you did... and at worst, at least you have another friend in your new city! Good luck and let us know how the date goes...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: chanadevorah
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 9:59am
Good luck to you with this one. It sounds like it has great potential now that the timing is right for the both of you. Maybe it was meant to be because he now lives in the same town and it still available now that you are emotionally ready.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
In reply to: chanadevorah
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:23am
What a sweet story. Can't wait to hear the outcome!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: chanadevorah
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:34am
Good luck!
heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 4:06pm
So, I went out with Ian last night! We went to this fancy lounge and ate mexican food and had drinks. He's so easy to talk to about lots of things like current events, politics, friends, family. We also joked around that we've been dating for two years and are "taking things really slow." LOL
He is such a nice guy and even sweeter than I remembered. He was on call for work so he couldn't go too far from home just incase he'd get called in. I offered to drive up there (since I already dated him in the past). He thanked me for driving all that way and he even called me about an hour before the date to make sure I didn't want to schedule it for another night since he wouldnt be able to drive to me. Well, he never got called, so that's good! At the end of the date he walked me to my car and he even told me to call him when I get home since it was a bit of a drive (only 20 mins!), to let him know I got home okay. That is really a big plus for me...(not once did michael say anything like that to me when i was dating him--one reason i lost interest in michael.) By the time I got home, Ian had already called me once to make sure I got home okay. I called him right back and told him I just got home...right then and there he asked if we could go out this weekend!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 4:39pm
Guys who are polite and considerate totally get my attention. And acknowledging that you went out of your way to accomodate his work situation is also a great sign. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 4:45pm
Aww - that's awesome!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: chanadevorah
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 3:31am
So, it's sunday now and I believe it is safe to say I was stood up and ghosted on by this guy! He and I agreed the night of our last date (after I got home when he called to see if I got home ok) that we would go out this weekend. I had specified that Friday or Saturday afternoon would be better for me since I had a family reunion/party to go to Saturday night. His response was that "we'll figure it out". He's the one who asked for the date and even said he'd be home all weekend and doesn't have to work. I thought we'd talk the next day or something. I didn't even second guess it. He never called back to plan the exact night. I even thought that maybe I would hear from him Friday evening.

You never know who will be the one to ghost! Honestly, I feel indifferent about it. I really don't care this happened. There are some other guys I am very interested in getting to know right now. Besides I can't be with a guy who has a gucci wallet!!!!!!!!!!!!! I saw that when we were out to dinner and thought it was so odd for him to have, but I finally looked away and made myself promptly forget it. lol, until now. It's funny, I will completely ignore the seemingly unimportant petty nuances but they all come back when i get ghosted on. Is that not just dorky that he had a gucci wallet!!!!!!!!? It was a trifold and I had to take a double take at it...I was thinking, am I seeing this right!? From what I knew about his personality, I would never suspect he'd want to carry a wallet like that. That's just goofy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
In reply to: chanadevorah
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 9:33am

Oh no, that sucks! I just read your first post this morning and I was sure the outcome would be better...I was so disappointed for you when I read your update. Have you tried contacting him? Maybe something came up, or perhaps he wants you to pursue him this time. He could be insecure about the way things happened when you dated before.

I laughed about the Gucci wallet - isn't it funny how the little things don't matter until we have a reason to let them matter?

It sounds like you are keeping a positive attitude about the whole thing (just keep remembering that Gucci wallet! LOL), but I would try to contact him just in case he is waiting on you, IMHO. You never know...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: chanadevorah
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 9:49am

I would normally have no problem contacting a guy, but it was the way he replied to my suggesting Friday and said, "we'll figure it out" very quickly. It was inconvenient for him to let me know right then which night. So, I wanted to let him get back to me about it. The ball was in his court because I already said which times would be best for me.

Oh well! Gucci wallet! ;)

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