Really! What did happen...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Really! What did happen...?
17
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 7:39pm

I am new to this board, but not new to online dating and this one just stumps me.

I really hate this stuff when it happens and this time I really don't get it. I believe myself pretty well versed when it comes to dating and can pick up on the slightest of uninterested traits. However this one baffles me.
This guy contacted ME, I didn't contact him, about a month ago. We met very shortly after and had a REALLY good time and we made plans to see each other again. We made plans for a week after our first meeting talked on the phone and emailed quite frequently. All was great! We went out on our first date to dinner and again had a REALLY good time. Flirting, held hands, and he kissed me on the cheek and we said our good byes. We talked and emailed more and met up again a few days later on Valentines day, we went to a movie and he brought me a rose. The next day he made a crazy suggestion that we hop on a plane and fly down to Cabo for the weekend. I replyed back saying, whoa... I am not ready for that, he said he was just joking and wanted to see what I would say and wondered why if I was cautious from the last relationship. I said I am cautious because I don't want to screw up or freak out. He's 38 and I'm 33, neither of us ever married nor any children. We set up tentative plans for this past weekend and he never called. He mentioned there was a HUGE audit at work and would be going up to his cabin over the weekend. I left him a message yesteday saying hello and nothing. I emailed him today asking if he was OK and if he was still alive. Still nothing!
I just don't get it. He said things were at a start of something really great and I agreed, he wanted to get to know me better and so it seemed he wanted to start something serious, then he drops off the face of the earth.
We all have our little insecurities and they have to come out eventually, and as soon as they do. WHOA watch out, she's cautious, you probably will have problems with her... I mean come on! I think if he was really interested, he'd at least try to talk to me about it. And he's not perfect, but I was willing to look past it and accepted him for who he was.
What the heck happened? Any ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 7:44pm

>>he said he was just joking and wanted to see what I would say

Hehehe - yeah, right.

>>We set up tentative plans for this past weekend and he never called. He mentioned there was a HUGE audit at work and would be going up to his cabin over the weekend.

Pick up a copy of

http://tinyurl.com/3rnrj

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 7:48pm

I think:

1) He wasn't "just joking"

2) He DID want to see what you would say.

3) When you didn't say what he wanted, or specifically do what he wanted, he moved on to someone more .. um .. accommodating.

Sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 8:13pm

All the replies could be true. Like I said to ccruise, though, it's only been a couple of days. But please do not email him again -- the ball is definitely in his court right now.

Prepare yourself -- he may have ghosted and unfortunately you will never know why.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 8:19pm

I'm gonna start a website called www.whyIghosted.com and make it easy/safe to tell the truth.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 8:25pm
You wouldn't go away with him for the weekend...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 8:26pm
What I wouldn't give...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 8:31pm

Or maybe just ghost.com and have it attached to every online dating site. You know on eBay how they have feedback and it's actually the way they keep it honest there? Maybe there should be something like that for online dating. But not just to rip people. Hmmmm.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 9:48pm
ohh...just give her another one week. He'll contact her... My guy does this sometimes and I know when he's busy, he's busy and when he comes back, he comes back. In the last week I was totally F busy and realized how easy to forget things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:37pm

Hi Chickie,

Welcome!

He surely had some unusual ways, but he May have been busy and not be vaporizing on you. In time you will see. This is SO typical of OLD, so get used to it,and it will help a lot to learn to separate your feelings/hopes/emotions for quite some time with these dates.

As for the Cabo thing--DO be aware that going to Mexico with another person (or Any foreign country)that you do NOT know well is NEVER a good idea! I work in the US Customs area for a major airline here...just had a case where I helped a hysterical young lady who had gone to Cancun with a 'cool guy' she had been out with for a few weeks. Turned bad on her when he was loading in a lot of drugs, and got picked up and arrested when he came through our area! Luckily, none of it had been stored in Her baggage,without her knowledge (Has been done before!)--IF she had possession, she can stand there ALL day and say "But, it's not Mine.!!.." and she will STILL be looking at a felony conviction Very soon, and the ruination of her life as she knows it!!! The war on drugs is Very active, alive and well! Thank Goodness!!!

If he comes back around, then take it as it comes. But, as it was advised here,move on and keep dating others. I enjoy writing to and dating 2 or 3 men at a time, then I never worry about phone calls, someone is Always calling or emailing! Mind you, there is no "relations" with any of them...Until I find the Right One! :)

Roll on, little rock! Good luck!

Truly,
Cucpake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 2:22am

Hi Chicki,

I agree with some of the others that since you didn't agree with his plans to go away for the weekend with him, he found someone who would. But I would be asking myself if that's the type of guy I'd want anyway! I really don't think he was kidding when he asked you to go with him to Cabo. I do think it's great though that you went with your true feelings on that one. I'd keep my options open and pursue other possibilities! JMHO....

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