reaons for doing online dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
reaons for doing online dating
6
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 3:45pm

I've heard people say that people who do online dating usually do it because they are not meeting anyone in the 'real world.' I admit that this is probably why I chose to do it. If i was meeting all sorts of great people left and right in my everyday life, well then, I wouldnt need to go online. It sort of bothers me that I havent been able to find a decent guy in the 'real world.' What did people do before online dating came around? I have read other message boards where people say things like, oh what a loser they had to go online to find a date. Or, well really good looking people with great personalities dont have to go online to find a date. Comments like that bother me and i guess it makes me question myself a bit too. I'm not a supermodel, nor do i have the personality of Kelly Ripa...but it still makes me feel bad to hear people say stuff like, oh they HAD to go online. Maybe someday i will meet someone in the real world, but i guess i dont want to wait or wonder. I look at a friend of mine who has no problems meeting guys in the 'real world' and I cant help but feel a little jealous. She is pretty, but nothing great, personality wise, she is nice, but nothing out of the ordinary. She doesnt just find any guy, she finds the type of guys that i would love to be in a RL with. THey always seem to be the cute boy next door types with a good education, good family, good job...I have all these things too...but it doesnt seem to matter.

I dont think I am being picky either, i just want someone i connect with. Physical attraction is important at first too. I feel like i am surrounded by people who have no problem with getting dates in the real world...they are all married or have a SO. I'm so tired of looking like the loser who cant find or keep a man to save her life and has 'resorted' to having to go online. But if i take myself off...well then I just will continue to meet losers or drunks...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 4:03pm

I'll be honest and state exactly why I went with OLD about seven years ago: my life was a complete shambles and I was about 60 pounds overweight.

No guy in his right mind would even look my way in real life. The only guy who ever did ended up being an abusive drunk who just loved to verbally confirm to me over and over that no one was ever going to look my way, so I just may as well stay with him.

To a certain extent he was right. I hate to admit it, but he was. Although I decided that I would rather clean out 52 cat boxes every day than to be with him. :)

So I put up a profile, hoping that some guy somewhere would "see me for the wonderful person I was underneath." *Snort* Yeah, that MIGHT happen.

Seven years later down the road, and 50 pounds lighter (those darn last 10 pounds!!!!), and my life cleaned up, I can see clearly WHY I chose online dating. Because I needed to hide behind a profile. I had no self-esteem whatsoever and in no way, shape or form would I even have considered trying to meet someone IRL. It would have been utterly and completely humiliating, I would have been laughed at, and I couldn't have taken it.

Everyone is different. I've met some truly physically attractive well put-together people who are doing online dating for entirely different reasons. Some are just too busy, some are picky, and some are just shy.

But my life was a train wreck, and that's why I did it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 5:22pm
I'm 45, got 3 kids, in school, don't like the bar scene, and blind dates just freak me out. I'm computer/internet literate, and I express myself better in writing so OLD was a natural fit. I like spending a couple weeks getting to know someone before we meet that first time, takes the pressure off and I can be myself. I see a lot of people I know on Match, so I really think it's becoming the mainstream. I did meet my current BF IRL, but he's the exception, previous dates/relationships were majority OLD. And I am slender yet curvy in the right spots, confident, and am considered pretty by most people. If you are OLD it means you're saavy, not a loser.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 7:04pm
Repeat after me "you are not a loser" You are not worth anything less than anyone else who has a significant other. You just simply haven't found the one yet and are going through dating frustrations. It's completely normal what you are going through. I have been frustrated this year with dating beyond belief. It is VERY tough to find someone you really connect with. For most it's not an easy task. It's normal to get down on the situation and to be disappointed and sad and helps to get it out but it doesnt' help to put yourself down in the process. There is nothing wrong with you, it's just that you haven't found anyone you connect with. I have some very beautiful,intelligent, fun single female friends who havent' found the one yet and they have a ton to offer so it has nothing to do with how pretty, how smart or how fun you are. Sometimes it's more difficult for those who have it together and have a lot going for them to find their match, remember that. What I do when I get frustrated with dating is I take small breaks from it or I"ll pace myself and only go on one date then take a couple week break and go on another. Sometimes when you go on more than one date a week or every 2 weeks it gets overwhelming. Take a break to take care of yourself if you need it. I had been doing that recently. I'm not even sure if this man that I've been on a couple of dates with will be the one for me. I'm trying to just take things one day at a time and if I find we dont' click then I'll have to get back out there again and keep trying. It's just the dating world. It really is hard, I know, I am with you on this but try your best not to get down on yourself and realize it's just he situation. Stay strong and hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 7:46pm
Ok, maybe I'm not like alot of you, but I'm 46, kids at home, full time job plus consulting work, hate the bar scene, am involved in other things but don't have time to go out looking, plus I don't like the idea. Should I feel strange about doing it OLD? I don't really think so & I do think there are other women in my sitiuation- also men. This way I can weed out some without having to get up & walk away like I would at a bar. What's wrong with that??
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 8:49pm
Thanks (: I dont know what my deal is sometimes...it's sad but i seem to sometimes measure my self worth by whether or not a guy or guys like me. Sad...somedays i'll feel good about my life, then i think, but wait no one seems to want me for a girlfriend so i must not be that great. I know i need to stop thinking like that...but it's an easy way to feel undesirable. I guess i need to be patient. I know people who have been single longer than me, but not many...dating in general is harder, but i think OLD is a little harder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:48pm
What did they do before OLD? They placed ads in the papers. So OLD isn't that different right? Just using modern technology.