Red flag??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2005
Red flag??
8
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 9:35am

Good morning everyone!!
I've been looking around this site for awhile..and this is my first post...I like message boards..different people with different experiences and on the same subject.. neway..

I have been OLD for a little while now. I have had really bad experiences.. in real life needless to say I’ve become a bit of a commitment phobe and a chronic dater and so I decided to try the internet… I haven’t found it that different then meeting guys in person..which I still do ..have to keep the options open!!!

Neway..here’s my situation……
3 weeks ago I met this awesome guy in OLD..we talked on the phone a few times..and We met for a walk in the park one Sunday afternoon and it was great..we walked and talked for 2 and a half hours. Then we met the following Friday for dinner and a movie.. another good date. He was away last week on vacation and came back this past Sunday. We are supposed to meet again tonight.. for dinner..

It all seems to be going well and I’m trying to stay optimistic. He seems like a “good” guy.. very respectable, very motivated and focused on goals etc.. we really really get along.

My one reservation so far is this:

The service I used has 3 sections, dating, relationship and intimate. I have a profile in the relationship and the dating profile. I checked and he has a dating profile.. and an intimate profile – which of course means that he’s advertising for a woman to have sex with…that profile was active in March 04 and the dating one changed July 05 …

Anyway.. I was a little turned off. I didn’t think it was appropriate to ask him anything about it..but should I be taking that as a red flag???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: specialk1975
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 9:55am

I think that site is kind of strange.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: specialk1975
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:45am

This should be a good thread. Thanks, specialk!

Personally, I would drop him like a hot potato. That section is for sex trollers, IMO. It says to me that he'll take anything he can get.

Anyone else?

amjay

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: specialk1975
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:02am

Ugh...I'd have a hard time with that. On the one hand, I can certainly understand why someone would have such an ad up in between relationships, even though I can't do the casual sex thing...dry spells are tough ;-)! But OTOH, there's just the ick factor...as in, ick, he trolls for sex online.

Did you ask him what he's looking for in a r'ship (in general, obviously, not with YOU) to see if you're on the same page? If you haven't yet, I think this would be a good time to do so.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: specialk1975
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:06am

I wouldn't make that big of a deal out of it. I've learned in life you can live with someone for a decade and not totally know them. As long as both of your communications channels remain good; that's more important in my opinion. Let's face it, how many husbands surf the web for porn (or worse) and are "happily married."? See what I mean...

TT

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2005
In reply to: specialk1975
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:17am

see that's it..there's an ick factor!!.. everyone that is in the dating world is going to be looking for sex..casually, seriously...eventually!!

i think that i will ask him his stand on relationships in his life right now.. not with me necessarily...just in general!!

Tx everyone..!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
In reply to: specialk1975
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 12:13pm
Hi Specialk,
I'm curious as to which dating site you're using. I've never seen one with those features. Am I correct to assume that he's seen your profiles and is aware of your relationship requirements?...and is equally aware that you do not have an intimate profile posted?
I wouldn't worry too much about his intimate profile, he's just using a feature that the site offers and hey! we're all adults here and sex is important. I'd be curious to know the ratio of men to women who use that feature...as women usually think of intimacy and relationship as one;)
You are right to want to ask him about his relationship goals now. It seems like you two are hitting it off and it's best to get the lines of communication open now about this before you invest too much into him.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Chele
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2005
In reply to: specialk1975
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 12:54pm

HI! thanks for the great advice...everyone.. i am even more psyched about the date tonight... at least i definitley have a topic in mind for conversation!! and conversation has been very easy so far.. we are hitting it off.. so i'd like to know what he thinks about relationships....3rd date is a good time for that type of thing i think?!

the site that i used ..was the the number one site in Canada.. lavalife... those subway posters got me.. lol..

definitley will keep you posted!! Cheers..thanks again.. K

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: specialk1975
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 12:58pm

I actually prefer to have that convo on the 1st or 2nd date so that it's crystal clear it's a *general* question and not about "us". So, yes, 3rd date is fine...just be sure to keep it VERY focused on the general...I usually convey what I'm looking for and then ask, how about you?

Sheri