Red Flag List--Plz Add Yours! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Red Flag List--Plz Add Yours! :)
21
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:57pm

Hi Y'all,

I enjoyed the Q&A last week per our best/worst feelings about OLD. Hmmmmmmm...'Cupcake Moment'...what about a list of our favorite Red Flags? Please write with yours; I think it will help not only the newbies, but will be a good tool for those of us who are seasoned "Nelsons" (cupcake-ism: so termed for singer Willie Nelson...think "On The Road Again...")and can use a good quick reference guide when we get the latest 'hit' from OLD.

My favorite red flag: (feel free to add as many as you have knowledge of!)

1. The "Hallmark Profile"--so well read that Poe is somewhere whimpering in a corner....full of flowery speech, prose, and sentiments befitting the shelves of your favorite card store! The profile is lengthy, perfectly punctuated, expertly conjugated and TOO good to be true. If you begin to feel as though you are reading the latest 'bodice-busting' Civil War romance novel at Barnes and Nobles....Ding! Next!

Hope you all will share your expertise, too!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:09pm

I wouldn't believe a single word of it. The guy is available to me and that's it. I can't even imagine explaining to a friend "well he's been legally separated for x years....blah blah blah" - yuck. Doesn't even sound right to me.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 10:06pm

My Red Flags:

A). First paragraph states she's an independent woman; second paragraph states she likes A Man Who Knows How To Treat A Woman Like A Lady.

B). A woman who posts a nice sweet profile, then near the end loudly screams: PLAYERS, MARRIED MEN, RECENTLY DIVORCED OR THOSE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND NEED NOT APPLY.

C). A woman who poses in sexually-enticing clothes pictures.

D). Women who describe their 'potential mate' with specific detail.

E). Women who post descriptions of their preferred mates with THISes and BUT NOT THATs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 11:01pm

Y'all are the Greatest! This list has brought out some things I thought might just be me being Too 'picky'--let's change that word to 'discerning'!

Speaking of that, Puhleeeez spare me the person who says they are picky/choosy, or just downright narrow-minded about whom they date. Now, this is All orchestrated to make ME feel like I am "Lucky" they even Chose me to write to! Wow, cool, he must be great and I Might 'qualify'!? Ding! Next!

And if one more person says they are looking for "The One" (hey, wasn't that a Bruce Lee movie?). That means they have a Long laundry list of attributes you Must have, and btw, this list is Not accessible to you or printed anywhere,so they can Dump you at Any time and say you did not meet the 'criteria'--but you never get to hear what it Was you lacked. No, it is isn't You...THEY are a cheeseburger Short of a Happy Meal!

As for the age/photo thing, totally wit' ya there! That is why I say to "C.S.I." the photo; ie, if they say they live in a house, and the background Clearly has an apartment sized door behind them, if they say the kids are grown and there is a body/face of a Young child showing in the photo as well--hmmmm-age!

As for fitness level: I have met men who OBVIOUSLY have mistaken the McDonald's for the gym in their area. (my gym does Not have a drive-thru, does yours?!). Hey, no worries if you are not fit n' trim, I am not judgemental thereof, but SO many I meet, and it is Obvious they are a good 20+ lbs and more, over the photo weight, and they begin the "well, I Was in shape, but I had a car accident about a year ago, and I have been recuperating...". Just be HONEST!

I would say that a man may not be Brad Pitt/Kurt Russell/Guess model, but if he is Honest these days, I think I would fall head over spike heels!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 1:22am

>>But for those who are not in that stage of life, it's really no biggie if someone is "divorced" vs "legally separated" with a legally binding agreement on dating - oh, and this especially if the separated spouses live on opposite coasts of the country....<<

Well, that's all fine and dandy. It was a *personal* red flag list, and to be frank I don't care what the reason is- to me, personally, it's a red flag.

If a gal is not divorced, she's married, and I don't date married women. I don't care if her husband decided he was gay but they're doing the "right thing" for financial reasons; she is MARRIED.

I might not have a lot of standards, but that's one that I just don't see any reason to give in on. There's enough divorced-for-real women out there, fortunately. :)

And yes, if her profile says that she's single and then later I find out she's not "technically" single... she's a liar, and it's NEXT time.

Unless she's really, really, really hot. But I mean, like, Cindy-Crawford smoking hot.

Yes, this makes me a hypocrite. At least I'm an honest one. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 5:25am

Almost forgot:

Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies,Newbies, Newbies.

For guys:

Unless you're a male underpants model, the furthest you're getting is a few expensive meals out. (You can get further after that but you must wait the obligatory 6 months for both Mr. Hottie Match guys to have their way. Tip: 5 months and 26 days of that 6 months the Newbie spends by the phone with a puzzled look about why Mr. Hottie(s) didn't call back after he made his touchdown.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 9:16am

  1. Men who put "I'll tell you later" for important (to me) questions such as

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 11:59am

Hi CGun,

True that! I had the same; one date out and he wanted me to come and watch a DVD at his place. No, ty! I finally quit taking his calls, as he would ask me whatI wanted to do and then say "tell ya what, head on over here and we can get a DVD and a pizza" 'N-O' two letters that mean So much--check into them!

Also, I can say that I have learned that anyone who says "I'm not really..."--a smoker, rapist, bipolar, still in love with the ex wife...yep! Red Flags--learn that when someone tells you adamantly something like that, they are Telling you, Outright that that is HOW they are! Ex loco bf said "I am not crazy" about 1 thou times...I did not listen--costly mistake in All ways for me. Learned my lesson, Ouchies! :0

Also, if the law has been involved in Any way with a man and a woman, I want NO part of it. Not to be confused with issues when a woman has to get a p.o. against a man who is stalking her ( or female stalking a man, haps Both ways!). That happens and you cannot help it.

As I say, I Just want a man that is not known as "The Defendant", just because he is in a suit! :)

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 9:33pm

My two big red flags:
1. I want someone who is honest (someone mentioned this up-thread) -- it screams, "I'm suspicious and paranoid about you. Prove yourself to me."

I am a very honest person and went out with someone with "honesty" in his profile -- he was asking if I would ever cheat every other date, which I would never do, asking me to cut off male friends (all of whom I only contact over e-mail) or tell him when we e-mailed and trying to trip me into lies. Should I mention that he lied several times in his profile and tried to talk me into accepting this? Needless to say, that "relationship" ended in three weeks.

2. You e-mailed me back once -- let's meet! I replied to one guy and his reply was that we should meet ASAP. He e-mailed the next afternoon to meet. Then he resent that third e-mail four days later. I know I'm being rude but I haven't responded. He creeped me out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:17pm

Hi -

These have all been great. One thing I've found to be a red flag is when someone mentions things about their personal life, career, etc, and then tells you that they will explain it all to you later and that it's "a long story". Anytime anyone tells me "it's a long story", I'm immediately wary, because from the bit of experience I have, it means MAJOR baggage.

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 11:43pm
I have something along the lines of "I'll tell you later" in my profile re. job. That's because I work part-time in retail management and part time as a psychotherapist in a hospital's psychiatric dept . That's a little weird to explain on a dating profile - especially since they are so different from each other.