Red Flags
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| Tue, 10-17-2006 - 10:27pm |
So all you experienced OLD'ers out there... share with me some of your red flag stories. I'm finding it so interesting to see that so many people have felt the same things I am experiencing in this cruel dating world. And as we've established in a previous discussion, I'm a little naive... If I can learn what to look for maybe I can be ready for it next time.
Here's one I figured out on my own, rather reluctantly -- I met/dated a guy IRL that would yell at all the other cars when we were driving somewhere. It was kind of funny at first because he was sarcastic and I thought he meant it jokingly. (Just me rationalizing again.)Anyway, the first time I disappointed him, I got to see a real sarcastic, angry side to him. Didn't stick around to see how deep the anger gets...
What are some red flags in OLD emails that I should be looking for? I totally did not know that if a guy winks but didn't check out your profile first he's probably a serial winker...Learned that one in an old discussion I read today. You guys are great :o)

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Oooh, I hear you on this one! If I had $50.00 for each "ghost," I could make a mad dash for DSW and get another new pair of "roachkilla" boots! (As if I really need them)
I decided to resurrect this old thread because I thought that there was some valuable info in it that needed to be re-read.
I also need to update those of you who remember my dating situation I had over a year and a half ago. It was with "Mark", whom I wrote about on other threads and in earlier posts in this thread.
He was the guy who was in the process of a divorce who had custody of his daughter and worked on the railroad. He was gone weird hours and relied on his sister to help take care of the daughter. He left town in mid-May 2006 without even a phone call, e-mail or anything telling me why he had skipped town. His sister was the one who eventually told me he'd gone back to the estranged wife and that he did not bother telling his sister he was taking the daughter. She came home and the daughter was gone. If you'll remember, he was in the midst of a custody battle with the girl's real Mom and the estranged wife (girl's step-Mom) treated the girl very badly. That alone was reason to never go back to that situation, but he did it anyway. I felt really awful about how things transpired until about August/September of that same year. I basically wrote him off as a bad dream and convinced myself that I didn't need a guy who lied & didn't have the guts to be honest with me. Heck, having no one was better than dealing with someone like Mark.
Fast forward to the spring of this year and I've been seeing another guy who treats me well and doesn't lie or cheat on me. He has also had his share of disappointments in life and the honesty, caring and communication we have between us is amazing. Add to the mix that he's loving and gorgeous and that also helps. LOL I'm fairly happy with things at this point.
Then last week, Mark's sister calls me. (We see each other every week at our part-time jobs since we work at the same store.) I knew she had some "news" if she was calling me on a Tues. night. Seems that "Mark" and Tammy are split up again. Can you imagine??? Took him 17 months to realize that it would not work out. I enjoyed a moment of gloating, but I told her that I was at least happy that his daughter was no longer around this evil step-Mom. She has had almost no contact with Mark since he left town in May '06. Most of her info about him has come from other relatives. Anyway, I told her that I doubted that I would hear from him and never really thought about it further.
Within 48 hours of this conversation, I get an e-mail from Mark! It was a short couple sentences which said that things did not work out with the wife and if I wanted to drop him a line, I could.
This was after hearing nothing from him in almost 17 months. I did get a very lame e-mail apology from him about a month after he left town--this was in response to an e-mail that I sent to him though. That apology just didn't quite cut it for me though. I was not going to write him back at this point in time since it had been ages since we'd seen each other and he had behaved so immaturely and irresponsibly in his actions. However, because I'm happy with my life now, I had to respond and let him know that I was not sitting around waiting for him to come back.
I wrote about how karma eventually bites people in the butt when they have made self-centered and thoughtless decisions in regards to themselves and others. I told him that "my" lesson was that if a guy was not completely divorced, then I could not be with them. I won't have to re-learn that lesson ever again. I told him what a blessing it was for him to leave town, even though it took me a while to realize that. I told him that even if I was not with someone else, that I deserved someone who didn't take me for granted or lied to me when the truth would have been less painful. I told him that a guy who disrespected me like he did did not deserve any 2nd chances.
I thought that would be the end of it, but the guy writes me back. He blames his sister for leaving town without telling me...yeah, that makes a lot of sense but that was his story in the e-mail apology I got about a month after he left. He blames everyone but himself for his predicament. The sister and I remain friends and I'm pretty sure that the damage Mark has caused in his relationship with her will never be repaired. He'd have to have at least 10 hours of counseling with Dr. Phil before he'd ever see the light about his part in this sad tale.
So, ladies (and guys) I'm here to tell you that karma DOES WORK. It's unfortunate that it takes some time before what goes around, comes around, but it does happen.
Wow, how typical of someone who is self-absorbed and unhealthy.
I'm always amazed when things come full circle in life. What is interesting also is that Mark apparently told his Aunt that he "should have stayed with Mitsy". Imagine that?? Like he really thought that things could work out with a woman who hated his daughter. That alone was reason to have gotten a divorce ASAP. I believe now, more than ever, that I dodged a big bullet with all this. I just wish I'd never met him. However, his sister is a quality person and seems to value me as a friend. We were support for each other when this miserable specimen of a man left our lives. We were both hurting (in different ways). At least I could say I was not related to him.
The thing I can't get over is that it took 17 months to try to re-connect with me. His second e-mail indicated that he was not trying to re-kindle anything but that was after I told him there was no second chance for him. He would not have written to me at this point in time if he did not want to see what my interest level was now. And even if I wasn't with someone, I would never be desperate enough to consider seeing him again. I could trust him as far as I could throw him. :0
Yes, I've noticed karma works, and things come around full circle right around the time you really don't care anymore and you've moved on.
I'm glad you found a good man. I hope your relationship works out. You deserve it!
I've got one for the Red Flaggers. It's The Girly Talking Man. The guy who likes to discuss the same stuff you talk about with your women friends.
www.mylifeasadate.com
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