Red Flags

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Red Flags
8
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:52am

I don't know about everyone else, but every time I chose to ignore a red flag or give a guy a chance, I find that my intuition is always right.

The last guy that I dated hung up on me when we were having a discussion. Well when we were emailing initially, he mentioned something about me looking like I was fashionable. At the time I thought that he was immature, but decided to go ahead and see what happened. Well, he turned out to me immature and he's 39. Dang!!!

I went out on a date with this guy last Friday and he was telling me that sometimes he goes to the movies with friends and they bring liqour to spike their cokes with. I am thinking either immature or alcoholic. The man is 54. This time I will not let it go...

I will be writing my "we're not a good match email shortly.

I think I'll change my name to NEXT!!!

Claribeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: cbmroz
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:53am
c- I'm with you. Anytime a red flag has arisen in the early stages I find that I always regret meeting. Always.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: cbmroz
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:57am
GACK! Bringing booze to the MOVIES? cuz, of course, you cannot possibly wait the hour or two till it's OVER????? good grief.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
In reply to: cbmroz
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 11:41am

hi,

its funny that you should mention this... my best friend and i were discussing this same topic this past weekend and basically what it boils down to is settling. We settle for that man/woman who might not have a car, job, apt, & kids b/c we want to feel like there's someone in the world who cares about us, someone we can talk too, a person who understands us and in the end the only person who gets hurt/mad is the person who settled(not them). the reason being, they never changed who they were, they never pretended to be something that they weren't b/c we knew from the start that yeah this person might not have all of the qualities that i'm looking for but he/she is good for right now. Wrong answer! Stop looking for quantitiy and look for quality!!!!

Personally speaking, I've decided to stop settling! I've listed three things that the men who i date must have and they are as follows: a job, car, & apt, otherwise I do not want to be bothered. Of course, he must possess emotional attributes but that will grow and develop in time. My mommy always said that "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Well I haven't exactly followed her advice as far as dating is concerned. I've dated men of different heights, shapes, ethnic backgrounds and in every case I've settled. Yes, I'm very optimistic in discovering true love, but I have to a base so I'll know exactly how far above/below I want to go. I can be broke, lonely, and sad by myself; I do not need someone else adding their drama to the mix. Especially when I did them a favor by going out w/them in the first place.

So my advice, construct a list of all the attributes a guy must have in order for you to date him and then stick to it! Trust me, it will save you alot of time and agony in the end. Remember... good things come to those who wait!

E.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: cbmroz
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 12:42pm

Hi ClariB,

I am your "living proof girl" this week, on Just that issue! Ignored a few of the more minor 'pink flags' and broke one of my Caridnal Rules with New Man and guess what?...I should NOT have! Again, I 'live and learn'! I think that 'red flag' is Latin for "Intuition", and we should ALL listen to it, and the suggestions of the red flags of other's taken into consideration, as well.

I think that at times, my heart will over-rule and cross examine the brain jury, and I will "try" to give someone a chance! Not a good outcome either! I refuse to be jaded towards all human nature, but I am sure putting a Lot of the armadillo armor panels back around my feelings, for now. Thus, I am dating 3 men at once, for now.

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: cbmroz
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 7:14pm

You go girl!!!

I wish I could find three guys to date...LOL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: cbmroz
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 8:06pm

Are they still in the ninth grade or what?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
In reply to: cbmroz
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:30pm
How bout this one....I see red flags ALL the time.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: cbmroz
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 8:07am

Smart woman..tell tale signs always appear at the beginning..sometime its a tiny voice like a mouse squeaking or a really loud one (as in your case)like a lion roaring ...RUN WOMAN RUN!

Good luck on you search:)

Cyclegirl